Rito's New Troubles Vol 1
by Sallem Cortez 004
Summary: Lala decides to make a new invention, and as always someone suffers because of it. But this time it's not Rito, but is instead Ryouko. How will things go for her? How will things go for Rito? It's not really much of a question though because of the labels on this story. Set after the first manga. Expect insanity, comedy, and much less ecchi than canon, but in a good way. 1/6.
1. Flashback

Hello! This is my first fanfic, so reviews are appreciated. Also, I own nothing but the fanfics I write, and I'm pretty sure I don't even own those.

* * *

Ryouko Mikado was having a bad day, but to understand exactly why, she'd have to go back a few days, 6 to be exact, in order to understand the pain she was feeling right now.

Day: 1

It started out well enough, I woke-up a bit late because the school was on vacation for a few weeks, and I didn't have any appointments scheduled for most of said vacation. But as soon as Lala showed up dragging Rito to get advice for her latest invention to try and make him happy I knew someone, _'Probably Rito'_, I noted to myself, was going to be the victim of some cruel sick joke. But I didn't suspect that I was going to be the one on the chopping block of the princess's fun for even a moment.

After getting the advice she needed, Lala set to work on her newest invention and told Rito to go walk around town for about an hour until it was done, and I may or may not have had him play errand-boy for me while he was at it, but that's not important. I left both of them to their own devices while I looked over some old files that needed sorting, I would normally leave this to Oshizu, but she was over at Haruna's right now. I still laughed to myself a bit every now and then about their friendship, what with Haruna being afraid of ghosts and Oshizu actually being a ghost. Anyway after about an hour I decided to take a break from my work and see how the little princess was doing.

I wasn't surprised to find out that she was completely done with her new, rather large machine. Though I was surprised to hear that she had finished it fifteen minutes ago and was actually waiting for Rito to come back on his own, rather than getting impatient and taking matters into her own hands like she usually would. _'I guess Rito's been having a pretty big impact on her personality.' _I mused to myself.

Just as I was about to ask what it was I heard a faint yelling that was quickly growing louder and louder until something broke through the window and hit me. Whatever it was knocked me into the machine, and obviously damaged something, because the next thing I knew I was grabbed by some hands and the torture began.

* * *

Really I should have seen this coming, not the exact circumstances I was in mind you, but some form of punishment for all the time and work I put into doing all sorts of shady and inhumane things a few years ago, back when I was still a criminal.

Lala explained that because of the machine's nuclear power-source, the fact that it was currently running, and the damage done to the machine by what I now knew to be Rito, who was sent flying through my window courtesy of an angry Yami-chan, and into me and then the machine, that she would have to work carefully for awhile to get me out of this thing without causing a nuclear meltdown. She then apologized in her usual happy-go-lucky manner while Rito was comically scolding her. I would've laughed had I been feeling better, but as it stood I was being poked, pulled, and stretched every which way, and kind of had a headache from when Rito hit me, or was it when I hit the machine? It was kind of hard to tell, at any rate, this is where my torture began.

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Hope you liked the first chapter. The first part's written in third person style and everything after Day: 1 is written from Mikado-sensei's point of view because it seemed like the right way to write it. Anyway, I won't update until I get at least 2 reviews, from different people mind you.


	2. Zetsubou Shita!

I know I said that I wouldn't update until I got at least 2 reviews, but I got impatient, so here ya go.

You all know the drill. I own nothing, I just torture them, and reviews are appreciated, also 2 points to whoever can guess where the title of this chapter came from, you won't really get points but I just always wanted to say that.

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Day: 1, continued

_'This isn't so bad'_, I mused to myself. _'I can certainly see the benefits of such a machine, but Lala had said I'd be here for awhile, so I have to prepare myself for the worst.'

* * *

_

3 hours later:

_'This isn't happening!' _I panicked. _'This is all just a dream! Yeah, that's it! There's no way something like this could happen in real life! I mean, nuclear power is too primitive for Lala to use in one of her inventions, and this thing even has a built in bathroom, like she was planning for something like this to happen! And as soon as I have to use it I'll just wake up because I wet the bed! Yeah, that's much better than having this actually be real!' _My thoughts were something like this for the rest of the day.

* * *

Day: 2

_'Damn that Lala!' _I raged in my head. _'This is all her fault! I was exhausted and couldn't get any damned sleep last night! She said that 'Berserker Deluxe' pill she gave me yesterday was supposed to give me the energy and nutrients I needed to stay-up comfortably until she fixed this thing! But I'm too tired to even talk, and I can't hear anything but a faint buzz and my inner monologue! I'm also in some serious fucking pain here! I don't know what Rito sees in her! He could do so much better than her easily! Haruna or Yui, just to name a few. Hell, even Yami-chan or his sister would be a better choice than that trouble making bitch!' _My thoughts were like this for the rest of the day. Justified, given I had been going through hell for several hours already.

* * *

Day: 3

_'What did I do to deserve this?' _I thought to myself regretfully. _'Was it all the horrible things I did in the past? Was it all the mischief I've gotten into since coming to Earth? Was it my provocative nature, and sexy fashion sense? Whatever it was I'll make up for it 100-fold if you'll just get me out of here now. I'll dress conservatively, I'll do community service, I'll stop flaunting my figure, I'll tell Rito how I feel, I'll...Wait, where did that last one come from? I mean, yeah Rito's a great kid, nice, helpful, someone who would make any girl in their right mind happy, but he's just that. A kid! And I'm about 7 years his senior! Sure that's not much by Japan's standards, and yeah I was impressed when he was the only one who kept a level enough head when my past came back to haunt me to come up with a plan to solve everything, and even though I'd be lying if I said I didn't get at least a little bit excited when I thought he confessed to me at the pool.' _My train of thought came to a screeching to a halt at that, before quickly starting up again. This time in a different direction entirely. _'Oh just listen to yourself Ryouko! It's painfully obvious you love the boy! You don't care how or why it happened, all you care about is telling him how you feel as soon as you get out of this thing, and how you can go about getting him to reciprocate your feelings. That's what I'm going to do, first thing I get out of here!' _The rest of that day was spent happily thinking about the, admittedly unlikely, future with Rito that I longed for.

* * *

Day: 4

_'I'm going to die here!' _I somehow panicked to myself through the searing pain I was in. _'That's it! Game over! It's amazing I lasted this long, but I won't last much longer! There goes my small chance of happiness! My small chance of getting with Rito. Gone! I'll never get to tell him how I feel! Never get a chance to win him over! Never get a chance to go steady, or share our first time! Never get a chance to start a family, or get married! I wouldn't have even minded sharing him like I knew I would have to! All I wanted was a chance, however small it was, but now I won't even get that!' _I'm pretty sure I faded in and out of consciousness that day, but any thoughts I had were like this.

* * *

Day: 5, around noon

_'You know what?' _I thought calmly, for the first time in days. _'I'm okay with this. I mean Oshizu's dead, and I made her a body, so why can't I have the same done for myself? I mean I couldn't exactly make one on my own, but I could just as easily show Oshizu, and maybe Lala how to make one, and I'm sure I could make the bond between the fake body and my soul a bit stronger if I worked on it a bit, yeah. It'll be like I never even died!'_ My monologue was cut short by my realization of something.

_'It's stopped! The damned thing stopped!' _I felt a massive wave of relief wash over me, before I felt something grab me. _'Oh no! Please tell me it's not starting up again! Please, it just stopped!'_ But then I suddenly realized I was being picked up, not pulled down. Someone was holding me in their arms. For a few seconds I couldn't tell who it was until I smelled something. _'Flowers!'_ I realized with a jolt. That combined with the fact that I could tell by the feel of their body against mine that it was clearly a boy meant that there could only be one person who could be carrying me right now. _'Rito!' _I realized. _'Rito is carrying me, bridal style no less! And I'm still wet from all the showers that damned machine gave me! He must be so embarrassed! I wish I could see the look on his face right now, it must be priceless! It's too bad I haven't been able to open my eyes for two days now.'_ My thoughts died out around then as I gratefully passed out.

* * *

I hope you like the work I did. I got the idea for the 5 days she spent on the machine from a segment on Robot Chicken, when a giraffe got stuck in quicksand. Also, a few notes of interest, I don't know how old Ryouko really is, so for the sake of this fic I made her 24 because it seems about right. And I know what you're thinking about how someone like Ryouko couldn't be a virgin, but in the manga she said she'd been on Earth for three years and like I stated before I'm making her 24 in this fic and she was likely in the mafia for a while (likely a few years at least) and most likely didn't have much of a social-life in that time. Also, I deliberately didn't say what the machine was supposed to do, I want that to be a surprise in the next chapter. So no guessing in the reviews!


	3. Falling Asleep on the Job

You know how this works. I own nothing, and I don't really want to either.

* * *

Rito was pretty upset with Lala's carelessness right now. That in itself was nothing new, really, she was always causing some kind of trouble for those around her, though most were used to it by now. But regardless of what happened all those times, or how others took it, nothing really bad had ever happened, so he never really held it against her.

Until this time.

Because of Lala's newest invention, Mikado-sensei had gone through what Rito could only describe as pure torture for five straight days. The pain she went through at the time was clearly visible on her face during the time, and still was even after it had stopped, and likely would be for quite awhile. Lala may have worked as fast and best as she could to fix things, and if her exhausted state was anything to go by with very few breaks as well, but Rito still felt she should have got it done a lot sooner.

None the less, Lala was too tired from shutting down the machine to move at the moment and Mikado-sensei probably wasn't very comfortable on "The Torture Device" as Rito had been calling it for the past four days, so he took it upon himself to carry Mikado-sensei to her bed. However, it wasn't until after he picked her up that he noticed that she was still soaking wet from the showers "The Torture Device" gave to her, and also that her clothes had water damage and were wet enough to see through to her underwear. Rito's face lit-up to an extremely vivid shade of red upon realizing these facts and he quickly averted his eyes away from her body, while simultaneously trying, and failing to think about something aside from the very sexy woman he was now carrying bridal style to her bedroom.

_'This isn't exactly what I pictured myself doing right before lunch.'_ Rito thought/panicked, still red faced. _'Or at all really, if I was going to carry anyone like this, the first person to come to mind would be Haruna-chan, or maybe Lala. Lala or Haruna-chan, in my arms, dripping wet...'_ Rito's face got even redder at that thought as he shook his head frantically, and again tried to change his train of thought to something else. _'No, no, no! Keep thoughts like that out of your head Rito! Mikado-sensei has been through a lot and needs some rest on something more comfortable than what she's been on for the past five days.' _Rito thought firmly, at least until his mind started to betray him again.

* * *

It was about 30 minutes before he finally managed to find her room, it was a pretty big house after all, or at least that was what Rito kept telling himself. In truth, the real reason he got lost so may times on the way to her room was because he somehow found himself, more times than he cared for or should be possible, fantasizing about Mikado-sensei; in a swimsuit, in the shower, in a maid outfit, in a hot-spring, in outrageously sexy underwear, in a schoolgirl uniform, and for some strange reason hopping out of a cake with Lala and Haruna-chan with all 3 of them in wedding dresses, all at least two times each.

_'Why does my mind keep drifting to weird things I'd much rather not think about?' _Rito groaned inwardly, _'Saruyama would probably say something along the lines of _"It's just because you're a man Rito"_, but being torn between Lala and Haruna is confusing enough without thinking perverted thoughts about someone way older than me, who isn't even conscious.'_

Not wanting to be in the room of a woman as free with her body as Mikado-sensei for any longer than he had to, he quickly put her in her bed and quickly made a move to get out of there. But as he tried to, he suddenly felt a slight pressure on his back, tripping him up and making him stumble face-first into Mikado-sensei's breasts. "Not again!" Hissed Rito, as he quickly got up, or at least tried to, as he again lost his footing and slipped head-first into the bedpost this time. _'I really need to learn how to stop falling.' _Were the last thoughts Rito had, before passing out on the floor because of head-trauma.

* * *

Lala, having gotten her second wind by now, decided to go see if Rito needed any help with Mikado-sensei. Sadly, she got just as lost as Rito did, and had to have Oshizu show her where Mikado-sensei's room was. "Please try not to cause any more trouble for Sensei Lala," Asked Oshizu as they reached Ryouko's room, "She's been through a lot these past few days because of you as it is, and I really don't want her to get hurt anymore."

Surprisingly, upon having the subject of Sensei's condition brought up, instead of her usual happy-go-lucky attitude, Lala actually looked quite sad and repentant, and instead of an expected perky comment about making things right, she instead said, "I'm really sorry about what I did Oshizu-chan. This is all my fault, and I have no excuse for it. I really didn't mean to make Mikado-sensei have to go through what she did, and I know there's probably nothing I can do to make things okay between the two of us again, but I at least have to try and make things right again. Because if I don't, I feel like I'm going to lose an important friend forever."

Oshizu was thrown for a bit of a loop at that comment. She'd expected Lala to say something happy about using one of her wacky inventions to fill Sensei with energy and she'd have to stop her or something like that, not this. _'I guess even someone like Lala has to admit that this incident was too much to just shrug off with a happy face.' _Oshizu reasoned. "Well, as long as you don't use any more of your inventions to try and fix this, I suppose it's okay to just leave you to this." She said as she left Lala to her own devices.

"Thank you Oshizu-chan." Replied Lala, feeling a little better at her words. Taking a deep breath to calm herself, she went into Sensei's room. It was pretty nice, she noted. The room was pretty spacious, with a closet, a desk, a few dressers, and a bed. Upon which, was resting Mikado-sensei herself, but that's not what drew Lala's attention the most, rather, it was Rito lying face down on the floor that really drew her eyes.

"What's Rito doing on the floor?" She wondered aloud. It was then that she noticed Sensei's hand had a firm grasp on Rito's, gears started turning in Lala's head, until she came to the most logical (in her opinion) conclusion. "Rito must have wanted to comfort Mikado-sensei by sharing a bed with her, but he fell out of bed in his sleep!" Lala concluded happily.

"Lala-sama, are you sure that's what he was doing?" Peke asked.

"Of course I'm sure Peke. Rito did say that he loved her, Haruna, Yui, Run, myself, and Nana at the pool a few weeks ago after all, remember." Lala stated triumphantly.

"Lala-sama, I'm pretty sure that was just an ac-"

"Now lets get Rito back in bed with her." Lala said, cutting Peke off. Lifting up the covers, Lala gently slid Rito into bed, at Mikado-sensei's side. "Now I have to make sure Rito doesn't fall out of bed again. But how to do it?" Lala only took a moment to think before coming up with what she thought to be a brilliant idea. Lifting Mikado-sensei up, she flipped her over face-first on top of Rito. "There we go, just like a paperweight." She grinned, quite happy with her handy work. "Now I'll just leave you two alone for now. Oh, and before I forget. Mikado-sensei, I don't know if you can hear me right now, but I'm very sorry for all the trouble and pain my invention caused you, I promise to be much more careful in the future, not just for you, but also for anyone else that could get hurt by my inventions." She said in apology. "Rito does say that my inventions can cause allot of grief for others." She added sheepishly, before turning off the lights and swiftly making a quiet exit.

* * *

I know I said I'd tell what the machine does in this chapter, but it ended on a nice note and I couldn't bring myself to go on any further right now, partially due to laziness and partially due to the flow of the story. I promise I'll get it up in the next chapter so please keep reading. Also, if you're wondering about the sudden increase in ecchiness, keep in mind that the original manga had allot of the stuff, while still staying as a story manga, I plan on focusing more on the story and less on the ecchi, but there will still be some of it mind you. I plan to update at least every three days, but no promises.

**Edit**. In case anyone's wondering what it was that made him fall into Ryouko's breasts, it was her hand on his back because she was subconsciously trying to keep Rito close.


	4. Personal Growth

Hello readers! Prepare yourself for something strange and totally out of left field. As usual I own nothing, but I kinda wish the manga had continued something like this.

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_'What happened to me?' _Wondered a rather groggy Rito as he began to rouse from his sleep. _'Lets see... I remember falling into Mikado-sensei's breasts.' _Rito's thoughts paused for a moment, as his face turned slightly red at that thought. _'Then I think I fell into the bedpost as I was trying get up. I don't really remember anything else after that, so that must mean the bedpost must have knocked me out. Which would mean I'm probably on the floor right now.'_

Rito was vaguely aware that being able to piece that together so quickly meant that stuff like that was happening to him way too often, but he'd worry about that a bit later. Hopefully once his head stopped spinning, and he figured out why he was feeling a bit suffocated_. 'Suffocated?' _At that thought gears started turning in both his head. _'That would have to mean my face is in someone's breasts.' _He concluded. He sat up to confirm his suspicions, and sure enough, once he was no longer feeling suffocated he could see Mikado-sensei, plain as day, sleeping peacefully on his chest, with her arms firmly holding onto him, looking to all the world like she belonged there.

_'Yep, this kind of thing really does happen to me way to often, especially if even I'm starting to be completely fine with it.' _However starting was the key word here so... "Mikado-sensei!" Rito yelled, in an effort to both wake her up and get her off him. It seemed to work, as she was slowly rousing from her sleep. However seemed to were the key words here, for as soon as she saw Rito her expression took on a very loving appearance, an appearance that Rito was all too familiar, and rather uncomfortable with, as he saw it from several girls on a daily basis, and it usually meant trouble for him.

"Rito." Ryouko sighed lovingly as soon as she saw him. _'This is my chance.' _Thought Ryouko, the moment she saw the position she was in with Rito. _'He's right here, in my arms, and can't get away. Come on Ryouko, this is your big chance! Tell him how you feel, and make him yours.' _Ryouko worked up all her nerve, and seductively as she could began her confession. "Ohhh Rito." She purred, getting a bit closer to his face.

"Y-yeah" Rito replied nervously. _'Why is she talking like that?' _He thought, somewhat scared of the way she was eying him right now.

"I've got a nice secret, Rito. Would you like to hear it?" She said, closing the distance between them a bit more.

"Wh-what are you talking about, Mikado-sensei?" Asked Rito nervously as he tried to back away, only to be blocked by the backboard of the bed.

Ryouko knew he was trying to get away, so she'd have to put a preemptive stop to anything like that from happening, and she knew just how to do it. She grabbed his right hand with her left, put her right arm around his back, and placed his right hand on her chest all in one smooth motion. "Do you feel this Rito?" She asked the very red faced man in question. "Do you feel my heart racing? Going doki, doki, doki." She sighed slowly and as seductively as she knew how. This was making him even more uncomfortable, and she knew it.

_'Perfect, this is just how I planned for it to happen while I was stuck on that machine. Now if I want this to work I have to go even further and catch him off guard, that should confuse him enough to make him seriously think about what could be between him and I, and that's all I'll need to work with to make him mine, even if I do have to share him. Heck, sharing him might be better for me in case I ever wanted some time to myself.' _She reasoned. "It does that for you, and speeds up when you're close, but you've never seemed to notice that before." She pouted, in the most suggestive manner she could, making steam come out of Rito's head. "Well I guess we'll just have to change that then, won't we?" She smirked, as she was about to close what little distance remained between them when she suddenly felt a huge jolt of pain, and in turn did the most simple thing she could think of.

She screamed.

* * *

Ryouko had never been in this much pain before, not even when she was on Lala's latest machine did it hurt this much. Heck, it was like reliving all five days of the torture all at once. Even through all the pain and her screaming she could still vaguely hear Rito shouting something, someone come rushing into the room, something ripping, and she also noticed that she fell onto the floor. She didn't know how anyone could be in so much pain without dieing from it. It felt like every kind of pain imaginable; bones breaking, skin and flesh tearing, serious burning, extreme pressure, and several other kinds of pain she couldn't quite place at the moment, were all happening in any place they could, and some she thought they couldn't, all at once and at incredibly high intensities. Fortunately for her, as quickly and suddenly the pain started, it stopped, as if it had never even been there in the first place. In fact, Ryouko was feeling better than she had ever felt before in her entire life. She casually got up to see what had happened. Looking around, she saw Rito, Lala, and Oshizu, who were all looking at her like she had grown a second head or something, except for Rito, who was frozen in place, and who's face looked more like he had just been violated than anything else.

_'What are they staring at?' _She wondered, until she noticed something more odd than the looks she was getting were. _'They look shorter than usual. I mean I know I'm supposed to be taller than then, being the only fully grown adult here, but I look like I've got about 60cm on each of them, at least.' _Not wanting to be left in the dark she turned her head to where she knew her mirror to be, and was extremely surprised at what she saw. Where she was expecting to see her usual super sexy self, likely with slightly damaged clothes, she instead saw something very different. She'd grown at least 30cm and her breasts had followed suit in terms of growth, perhaps becoming even being bigger in proportion to her height than before. Her lab coat, vest and bra had torn off and were in pieces on the floor, exposing her bare torso. And her dress was torn just as badly and was threatening to fall off as well. But the most striking change of all to her appearance, was that in place of her usual slim and sexy figure, she instead had more muscle on her than she'd ever seen on any man, and she'd seen some buff men in her line of work. Too stunned to do or say anything else, she turned to Lala and asked. "What the hell happened to me?"

* * *

Everyone was stunned to say the least, but when they heard Ryouko say something they snapped out of it, and Rito was the first to speak. "What the hell was that!" He shouted, covering his eyes.

"That's what I want to know too." Replied Ryouko, who was actually starting to lose her normally infinite patience for the first time in she didn't know how long.

"You're the one who started it!"

"Started wha-ohhh, that." Ryouko realized with a smirk. "Just so you know this and that are two completely unrelated matters, and don't tell me you didn't like what I know you were thinking of."

Just as Rito was about to respond to that Lala cut in. "Mikado-sensei, how did you get so big?"

_'That tears it!' _Ryouko thought angrily, as she grabbed Lala by her collar, and brought her up to eye level. "How do you think I got like this you ditz!" She shouted. "It was no doubt because of that stupid exercise machine of yours that I was trapped on for five days! Five fucking days! Do you have any idea how fucking painful that was! Well let me tell you, it wasn't much compared to the pain I went through just now, you bitch! What Rito sees in you I'll never know! Especially when he has me, or any other girl in the universe as an option!" Ryouko was really mad right now, and she didn't care why, all she cared about at the moment was telling Lala off for all the shit she'd put people through, herself and Rito especially. "Why does he love you, damn-it! Why! Why can't he want me instead?" She finished tearfully. She was panting slightly until she came to her senses and realized what she said and the looks she was getting, which were making even her a little uncomfortable. "Lala, I'm sorry. I don't know what came over me, I-."

"If I may." Peke interjected, nervously. "A common side-effect of the 'Berserker Deluxe' medicine you took a few days ago is a large, though temporary spike in rage and aggression. Mikado-sensei most likely just had a delayed reaction to that effect, due to the differences in physiology between her and the Devilukeans it was originally designed for. I wouldn't be surprised if it also had a hand in your sudden growth." She explained, quite eloquently.

"Ehhh, does it really do that?" Asked Lala, obviously unfazed by Ryouko's sudden outburst.

"You didn't know the side-effects, yet you used it on her anyway! And also, Mikado-sensei, what was all that about earlier? And would you please put some clothes on!" Rito shouted, still red-faced, and still refusing to open his eyes.

"Ara, Rito, have you seen how big I've gotten? None of my clothes would fit me anymore." Ryouko cooed playfully, as she walked over to Rito, and picked him up until he was at eye-level, and had opened his eyes to see what was happening "And if you haven't figured it out by now you're either the biggest idiot on Earth, or in denial, and the man I fell in love with is no idiot, so you must be the latter."

At those words Rito finally realized what she was doing before, and he did the only thing he could do in response.

He fainted from shock.

* * *

Hello readers. I'll admit this chapter was pretty choppy, but I'm trying my best, and I promise I'll do better next time. And as for Ryouko becoming buff, I just don't think there are enough strong looking women in manga. Yeah, I'm a pervert who likes strong women, go figure, but I promise her new found size will not be taking center focus. This is strictly a romance between Rito and Ryouko, I just needed a way to get them together, and I'll explain in the next chapter what making Ryouko a strong woman has to do with that. And, I wanted Ryouko to get at least a little mad for once, and making it a side-effect of the pill seemed like the best way to do that. I mean, have you seen what happens to animals that take that stuff in the manga? If you have, you'll know what I'm talking about. So if nothing else, at least stay tuned until then, please. And please review too.

**Edit:** For those of you who don't know Doki is the Japanese sound effect for a heartbeat. Also, for those of you who've been reading this, you may notice a few changes I made to this chapter that I wasn't quite satisfied with.


	5. Equivalent Exchange

Sorry if the last chapter was a bit weird, but I promise that this one will make-up for it.

As usual, I own nothing of any great significance, including the original version of this manga, because if I did it would have continued like this.

* * *

Since he'd already passed out once before that day, it only took Rito a matter of minutes to wake-up this time, and when he did he was in for quite a shock. "What happened?" He murmured when he woke-up in Mikado-sensei's bed for the second time that day. He took a look around and the question answered itself, in a way he wished it hadn't. To be exact it was the sight of an amazon-sized Mikado-sensei in nothing but some very risque underwear that answered his question. His response to this sight, "Mikado-sensei!"

That got her attention, "Ara, you're up already Rito? That was certainly fast." She said happily, her earlier rage seemingly gone and forgotten. "Sorry about my clothes, but Lala's little robot friend hasn't finished making the rest of them bigger yet, so this is all I have for right now." She commented, obviously sensing, and oddly enough, actually caring about his discomfort at the sight before him for once. "That and I wasn't expecting you to wake-up so soon."

"You, but, how, what, why?" Was all he managed to stammer out, before he remembered the last thing that had happened before he passed-out.

_'And if you haven't figured it out by now you're either the biggest idiot on Earth, or in denial, and the man I fell in love with is no idiot, so you must be the latter.'_

Having recalled what she said and having only one possibly answer as to why she would say that, "Pedophile!" He shouted, a finger pointing accusingly to the woman in question.

"Uh-uh Rito," She teased, wagging her index finger playfully at him. "That title would only apply if I were a man, or over 30, but I'm neither of those things, so you can't call me that."

"Don't say that like it's the most obvious thing in the world!" He shouted, his already red-face getting more and more vivid in color. _'This is just great,' _He groaned inwardly, _'first Lala says she loves me, then Run, and now even Mikado-sensei's fallen for me! I remember back when I only had Haruna-chan on my mind, but with so many women interested in me, and my feelings torn between two girls, one of whom I haven't even confessed to yet, and the other one insisting that polygamy is okay, I just don't know what to do here.'_

Ryouko seemed to sense his confusion, as she went over to Rito and embraced him, though it only made him more panic, squirm, and stutter something incoherent in protest. "Rito, calm down, you'll faint again if you get too stimulated, I only want to help right now. Nothing sexual, I'll save that for my dreams for the moment." As she said this Rito realized she was only concerned about his well-being, and did calm down a bit, though the comment about her dreams brought back a bit of the unease. "You've just had a pretty big shock, though all things considered, you should be used to all matters related to women by now." She joked as she backed-off a bit.

"Don't say that like it's a good thing." Whined a downtrodden Rito. "You make me sound like some kind of pervert."

"Rito, some boys are just really popular with girls," She reasoned reassuringly, "and sometimes those boys just see allot of things they'd rather not see and get hurt for it. It's not exactly something you can really help."

"I suddenly feel a lot worse now than I did before, but thanks for trying anyway." Sighed Rito. "But that aside, where did you learn to talk like that?"

_'Saying something profound like this really isn't her style at all.'_

"Oh that, I just read something similar in a manga once that's all." She said as if it wasn't really all that great.

_'So that's where that came from.'_

"But at any rate Rito you haven't gotten red-faced once since you calmed down." She pointed out.

Now that he thought about it she had a point. She'd been holding him in her underwear this whole time, and he hadn't even noticed. Hell, he wasn't even bothered enough to complain about it now that he'd noticed it. "I guess I'm just used to it by now." He said nervously, as the very thought of being okay around nude, or scantily clad women made him feel like a huge pervert.

The thought didn't last long however, as Ryouko took this time to use her newly gained strength to push Rito back onto the bed, and press herself up against him, further emphasizing her already huge chest. "Nee Rito, you wanna do something naughty with me?" She asked seductively. "Sleeping with a strong woman should be pretty exotic, don't you think?"

"Will you cut that out!" Yelled Rito, who was suddenly back to his normal, red-faced self.

"Looks like we're back to the old Rito." She smiled as she got off him, and went over to the chair at her desk. "I'm not surprised, really. Men like you aren't supposed to be comfortable around nude women until they're married, and even then it's only with their wife that they're okay with it, and I'm perfectly fine with waiting a year or two before you're fine with seeing me nude. It's more fun to tease you for the moment anyway"

_'Why does she always do this kind of stuff to me? With the way she worded that it's like she's sure we're going to get married someday, and she even admitted that she enjoys poking fun at my expense.' _His mind panicked at the thought, the fantasy of her, Lala, and Haruna-chan in wedding gowns, jumping out of a cake he'd had earlier that day coming back in full force, only this time Mikado-sensei had her new muscles and was carrying the other two on her shoulders. _'Bad thoughts, bad thoughts!'_

_'But now that I think about it, this whole time it's like she's known exactly what I needed to hear. I mean, because of what she just said and did, I don't feel like a pervert anymore, I just feel like I'm a victim here, and that's a feeling I'm more than used to and okay with by now. I wonder why she'd look out for me like that.' _Feeling a bit better, if not still somewhat uncomfortable about the facts that Mikado-sensei was in her underwear, was apparently in love with him, and was now strong enough to make any fantasies she has about him a reality if she really wanted and tried to, he decided to vocalize a few of the questions that had been weighing heavily on his mind.

Not wanting to see her next to nude any longer, but not wanting to be taken by surprise again either, Rito angled his head up a bit so that Ryouko's head was just at the edge of his eyesight and asked. "Why did you say all that stuff before?" He managed to squeeze out, embarrassed as he was.

"What stuff? You'll have to be more specific."

"What you said to calm me down, and what you did with your uhhh, well, to make me, well, you know." He stammered at the end, trying, and failing, to not get embarrassed, and to dance around the subject of when she pressed herself up against him to make him go back to normal. "It seemed like you knew exactly what I needed."

"Well that's because I did, since I'm a doctor I have to be very observant of these things. But because I usually use this skill to tease you, so it's no wonder you were surprised by it. But as for the reason as to why I suddenly decided to be so comforting just now, it's simply because I love you."

_'So that's what it was. I feel like someone just pulled a horrible prank on me, but because she just said she helped me because she loves me, I can't get angry at her without looking like a jerk.' _Thought Rito, until he remembered his other question. "Umm, would you mind if I also ask-." He began, until he was cut off by...

"Ryouko! Peke finished making your new clothes." Lala chimed as she entered the room with a large stack of the clothes she'd just mentioned. "Oh Rito, you're up, Ryouko said you might wake-up soon, since you already slept for five hours today."

"Ah, thank you Lala, Rito was starting to get a bit uncomfortable with my lack of clothes."

"Yeah, he does that with me too." She chirped

"I had to use some of your clothes as material to make the rest of your outfits bigger." Said Peke. "I hope you don't mind."

"Not at all, Peke. I'm just happy to have a wardrobe that actually fits me again."

Rito was about to try asking the question that Lala had interrupted again until a few far better ones popped into his head that he decided to ask instead. "Mikado-sensei, didn't you tell me that you didn't expect me to wake-up so soon?"

"Oh, I lied about that so you wouldn't get angry at me for sending Lala away, you know, so we could have some alone time." She explained simply, softly laughing as she began putting her clothes back on.

_'So that's your reason?' _Thought Rito, before he decided to vocalize his second question. "But if none of your clothes fit you anymore, why did you still have underwear on when I woke-up?" He asked, somewhat annoyed at her answer to his first question, and afraid of how she would answer this new one.

"I had her fix that much before she left. The right underwear can make a girl sexier than she would be in the nude, and I wanted to see the look on your face when you saw me like that." She answered shamelessly as she finished getting dressed.

_'I should have known that her answer would be something like that.'_

"Ehhh! Does it really work like that Ryouko?" Asked Lala excitedly.

"Of course it does Lala. If it didn't I wouldn't have asked you to fix my underwear before you left."

_'These two are going to be the death of me.' _Thought Rito grimly. Though not wanting his earlier question to go unanswered, Rito decided to dare and ask. "You seem to be taking this all pretty well Mikado-sensei, why is that?"

"Oh that's all very easy to explain Rito." Ryouko started with a smirk that immediately told Rito he wouldn't like where this was going. "You see I don't mind having all this muscle because of what I'm getting out of it."

"And wh-wh-what is that?" Rito managed to stutter out through nervously chattering teeth.

"Well since you're the one who knocked me into the machine causing it to malfunction in the first place, so Lala and I agreed you're going to have to take responsibility for it."

"A-a-a-and h-how do you ex-ex-expect me to d-do that?" He barely managed to get out.

Ryouko walked over to Rito, bent over, spread out her right hand a few centimeters in front of his face, and said. "You're going to go with me on **Five Dates**, one for each day I spent on that machine."

* * *

Hi readers! I hoped you liked this chapter. I told you I had a good excu-I mean reason for making Ryouko buff. And this is it! I needed to find some way to make Rito fall for Ryouko in the space of what I expect to be 15-20 chapters, and forcing him to go on five dates with her seemed like the best plan, and I've already got all five dates outlined. Also let me point something out preemptively and before I forget. Rito never once went out on a real date with Lala during the course of the manga, which is likely why it took him so long to fall for her. I believe that if you are actually in a setting that is supposed to be romantic i.e. a date, that you fall in love faster than you would if you were to just interact on a day-to-day basis. Anyone who agrees please give me a shout-out on the reviews, I really love those things.

Also, has anyone ever had one of those moments where you spent some time looking at one particular animation style, went to read a story without pictures (like a fanfiction) but that you knew what the characters were supposed to look like, and while you were reading you imagined the characters looked like they were being animated in that style? That happened to me today. I watched a few episodes of Ducktales on youtube and then went to work on this story, you can imagine how well that turned out. I'm still imagining Rito with Scrooge McDuck's sideburns. Tell me in the reviews if you've ever had one of these moments, and how it went.


	6. I don't know what to call this

Good-day to all my faithful readers, I have a very nice chapter for you all today. So sit back and watch the comedy unfold. And do I really have to remind you all that I own nothing related to this manga?

* * *

Shock was Rito's first reaction, but because he was already too well rested to faint again he had to settle for the next best thing. "I have to what?" He barely managed to ask at an audible level.

"You heard me Rito," Began Ryouko, still a bit too close for comfort, "Five Dates, at the time, place, and length of my choosing, and don't try to avoid it, because I know your conscience won't let you."

She had him there. He knew as well as she did that if he didn't do something to make up for what he put her through he'd feel like dirt for months. _'But does it really have to be in the form of dates?' _He whined to himself. _'I already have Lala, or maybe Haruna if I ever confess to her, and then make up my mind about which one I really want, I don't need to be torn between anyone else.' _He would've voiced his complaint if not for one thing.

*GRRRRUUUUURRGGGLLLE*

Their was a short pause before. "Oh that's right, I suppose we both haven't had anything to eat in a while, have we Rito?" Ryouko commented at the sudden growling of both of their stomachs.

"Ohhh, can I cook Ryouko?" Asked Lala excitedly. "Rito says I really need to work on my cooking."

"Absolutely not!" Exclaimed Rito. He would rather he not get third-degree burns in and on his mouth and tongue, thank you very much.

"Then I can cook." Chimed in Ryouko as she exited Rito's personal space.

"That's even worse!" Rito shouted, remembering his previous, rather ecchi encounters with anything that Mikado-sensei had a hand in brewing up.

"You don't think I'd be good at it?" Whined Ryouko cutely. "I have to cook for myself and Oshizu-chan all the time you know." She explained matter-of-factly.

Rito had to admit that, logically she did have a point, however his almost primal and somewhat justified fear of having Mikado-sensei prepare his food won out over his more logical side. "Sorry Mikado-sensei, but Mikan is expecting Lala and I to get home for dinner." That was a lie, Lala and Rito hadn't been home before nine-thirty ever since Mikado-sensei got trapped on Lala's machine, but this was the best excuse he could come up with on such short-notice. So, as politely, and as nervously, though the latter was unintentional, as he could, he grabbed Lala, and got out of there as fast as possible.

* * *

Ryouko couldn't help but chuckle at how fast Rito had left. "He's obviously lying, but I swear, that boy's faster than a bullet train sometimes." She mused. "But still, I would've liked the chance to find out his preferences in foods in order to make deciding where our dates should be even a little bit easier."

"Ehhh." Squealed Oshizu, who Lala had brought out earlier when she fainted at the same time as Rito for some reason she wasn't quite able to recall, but had awoken when she heard some noise and had come to investigate. "You have a date Mikado-sensei? Who with?"

Something I feel that you readers should know about Oshizu is that while not an idiot in most matters of the mind, she has a level of common-sense floating somewhere in between that of toast and raisin toast. Whereas a person with an at least average level of common-sense, or their shipping-goggles on would have been able to determine based on the facts that Rito was the only member of the opposite sex that Ryouko's been in contact with for the past five days, that she just saw him run out of her room in a hurry, and that she had just confessed to him not more than half an hour ago, though she didn't remember the latter having happened, that he was obviously the one that she had a date with. Oshizu however, would have to have what should be blatantly obvious spelled out for her.

"Why Rito of course." Ryouko said to Oshizu, who slipped out of her body upon hearing this. "Don't you remember me confessing to him just a few minutes ago?" She chuckled.

Oshizu, though still reeling from what she'd just heard, finally managed to remember what had caused her to faint in the first place, and then proceeded to get back into her body and attempt to dissuade Ryouko from her plan. "B-but Mikado-sensei, Rito's so much younger than you are. It just wouldn't be right for you to date him, and why would he want to anyway?" She said in a bit of a panic, a fact which did not escape Ryouko's notice.

"We agreed that the best way for him to repay me for getting me caught-up in Lala's machine would be for him to go out with me for awhile. But, you seem to be quite keen on not wanting me to date Rito, nee Oshizu-chan." Ryouko noted, a sly grin creeping across her face. "Don't tell me you just want me out of the picture so you can have Rito all for yourself?" She teased, quietly laughing at the end when she saw Oshizu's face light up like a Christmas tree.

"N-n-no, no, of course not Mikado-sensei!" Oshizu the red-faced ghost exclaimed. "I-I'm just worried about, well, maybe not, I don't, what I mean to say is-." She babbled incoherently.

"You're worried about how your friend Haruna would feel about me going out with the man she loves, right." Ryouko completed for her simply.

For a few moments there was silence, and Oshizu slipping out of her body again, but as they say, _'The calm always comes before the storm'._ "You knew about Haruna, but you're still making him go out with you?" She exclaimed. "Why? How could you do something like that?"

Ryouko smiled softly at the naivete of the young girl, well maybe not so young since she was over 400 years old, before she decided to explain a little bit about how love works these days. "Oshizu, there's an old proverb that goes, 'All's fair in love and war' I'm simply putting that idea into practice, that's all. There's no shame in it as long as I don't intentionally hurt someone, understand?"

"I guess you're right." Oshizu admitted, she really couldn't hold something like what she was doing against her, especially since she herself had encouraged Haruna to use the very same tactics to try to win Rito's affection. _'Well, based on what Haruna's told me about him, it's not as if Rito's the kind of person who would fall for someone so much older than him, even if he did have to go out with her for awhile, right?' _She silently reassured herself. _'At least, I hope he's not.'_

* * *

Meanwhile, Rito was walking home with Lala, his body slouched over in poor posture and his feet dragging on the pavement, as if only to emphasize his discomfort at what had just happened. _'Why do I have to go out with her? Five Times!' _He shouted in his head. _'It wasn't as if I meant for this all to happen, so why do I have to do this?'_

For all his wishes to the contrary, Rito knew it was pointless to try and get out of having to do this. After all, ever since Lala first came to Earth he'd found himself, far more often than he wished, in situations he'd rather not be in, and every time they happened there was never any way out, and he was always left to just wait it out. Past experience had shown him that even attempting to get out of it on his own, and sometimes even with help, only led to more suffering, and though he didn't think it could get any worse than what he was already in for, someone always found someway of proving him wrong on that particular thought, and he didn't feel even remotely lucky enough to gamble his chances of getting out of this on anyone he knew.

Lala, who was walking a few paces behind Rito, had somehow taken notice of his desire to be left alone to think on the way home. However, they had already been walking for several minutes now, and as she was getting very tired of the awkward silence that had been going on during that time she finally decided to speak-up. "So Rito, where do you think Ryouko's going to want to go with you on your date tomorrow?"

Rito was just going to ignore her and keep on his sad trudge home, but something she just said had caught his interest. "Tomorrow? What do you mean tomorrow?" He asked, his curiosity just barely strong enough to get past his depression.

"Oh that, Ryouko said she'd be coming over at about ten tomorrow morning to pick you up for your first date." She replied, happy that he was starting to come out of his funk.

Rito sighed for what seemed like the 100th time that day before continuing his string of questions. "You seem to be taking this pretty well," he started, "and why are you calling Mikado-sensei by her given name?"

"That's easy! She said that if we're both going to marry you someday, that I should start getting used to calling her Ryouko." She responded, completely oblivious to how wrong that sounded, and to the fact that it made Rito bang his head against a traffic pole in frustration so hard that it left a dent.

_'There's just no point in trying to talk sense to her.' _Rito finally realized as he opened the door to his house.

"You two are home early." Said Mikan as they walked in. "Did Lala finally manage to get Mikado-sensei out of that exercise machine?"

"Mm-hm, I sure did, and she's coming over tomorrow at ten to pick-up Rito for their date." Lala answered enthusiastically to a suddenly white-faced Mikan.

Mikan was shocked at Lala, who she knew to be in love with Rito, happily saying that he had a date with someone else, but she quickly got over it when she reasoned that this was Lala they were talking about, and chalked up her attitude towards this to a combination of both her clueless personality and a cultural divide. Rito, who was frantically trying to explain the situation, on the other hand was her older brother and was certainly not of a different culture, therefore, in spite of having already gotten the basic details of his rather poor explanation, _'Something about Mikado-sensei making him do this to make-up for getting her trapped on the machine in the first place.'_ it was her job as a sister to poke fun at him for the situation he was in.

"Rito, you're such a playboy." She said to him, with a sly smirk working its way across her face. As she left to go start dinner, she could hear Rito moaning at what she'd just said. _'Good luck Rito. You're gonna need it.'

* * *

_

Hope you all liked this chapter. And just so you know, I'm feeling a bit of writers block at the moment, so I won't be updating for up to six days. I try my best, but hey, I'm only human.

Preview for the next chapter; Rito and Ryouko go on their first date, and someone who shouldn't find out about it finds out about it.


	7. And so the plot thickens

Hello again everyone. Not much to say aside from the rather painful fact that I don't own this manga. So, without further ado, let's get this party started right!

* * *

Rito wasn't happy when he woke-up, and not for the usual reason of finding Lala or one of her sisters sound asleep in his bed, though waking up alone did lift his spirits somewhat, and not because he'd finally gotten to sleep at midnight and woken-up at five in the morning. No, he was upset because of what happened yesterday and what he had to do today. "Why does stuff like this keep happening to me?" He asked of no one in particular as he got himself dressed for the day.

* * *

**Flashback. Last Night, at Dinner:**

"Ehhhh! Rito's has to go out on five dates with some pedophile?" Yelled Nana. "And you're okay with this onee-sama?"

"Mm-hm." Nodded Lala cheerfully. "By the way, what's a pedophile?" She asked, completely oblivious to the looks that she was getting from everyone around her.

"Hmm, so Rito and onee-san are okay with polygamy then?" Momo said as she got a very sly look in her eye. _'That means that I have a chance then!'_

"What are you thinking about Momo!" Nana yelled as if she could tell what her sister was thinking about.

While all this was going on, Rito had already long since given-up trying to explain the situation to everybody, and was instead focused on his dinner and what he thought Mikado-sensei would want to do tomorrow. _'Knowing her it'd probably be something along the lines of a hotel or something.' _He shuddered at the mere thought of the idea. _'I don't want lose my virginity at such a young age, especially not with someone I wouldn't do it with even if I was already prepared for it.' _It was painfully obvious to him that he'd have a hard time getting any sleep tonight, weather it be from the fact he'd already gotten so much sleep today, or because he feared what would happen tomorrow. So he excused himself from the table and went directly to his room in an effort to get at least some sleep to prepare for tomorrow.

**End Flashback.

* * *

**

"Since I'm probably not going to get any more sleep, I might as well get ready for the day." He sighed as he went to take a bath, hoping that no one would pop in on him, he'd had far too many encounters with women in baths for him to not worry about another one of those encounters happening every time he went to wash-up. Fortunately, fate seemed to be on his side today, as no such encounter had happened, Rito decided that it was because he had woken-up so early that everyone else was too busy sleeping to intrude on his bath for once. The thought that there was a time of day where he wouldn't have to worry about anything while he took a bath was tempting enough to give some serious consideration to getting up at this time everyday, but he put that thought aside when he decided that such a daily pattern would be more trouble than it's worth. Not wanting to sit around doing nothing for the next few hours, he elected to go for a walk before the other sleeping residents of the house woke-up and annoyed him to no end.

As he walked he tried to keep his mind off the subject of Mikado-sensei, but he was having a pretty had time actually doing so as she kept appearing in his thoughts every ten seconds or so. "What did I expect really?" He sighed, barely aware that he'd said that aloud. "I'm expected to go on five dates with her, the first of which is today, of course I can't keep her out of my mind no matter how hard I try." As he said this he leaned against a wall in order to relax a little. He looked up at the sky for what seemed like hours, thinking about what would likely be in store for him on these dates with Mikado-sensei, when suddenly it occurred to him that he had absolutely no idea where he was.

When he'd been walking earlier he'd been too focused on what he was going to be in for today to be able to pay attention to where he was going at the time, but now that he thought about it, he had no idea where his feet had taken him when he wasn't paying attention.

"I couldn't have gone too far," He reasoned, "I'm sure that if I look around here I'll find something that looks familiar and find my way home from there."

His search didn't last long, for when he looked around the wall he'd been leaning against for the past several minutes he saw the last thing he wanted to see.

"Mikado-sensei's house." He sighed as he slid down the wall he was leaning on in despair. When he thought about it, the fact that he walked here subconsciously wasn't really all that surprising, after all he'd walked to and from here every day with Lala for the past five days, and he couldn't get Mikado-sensei off his mind the whole way here, so it was only natural that he would come this way.

"It's a good thing it's so early and I know how heavy of a sleeper she is, otherwise I'd be panicking right about now." He breathed a sigh of relief, instead of sorrow as he usually does, at the knowledge that there would be no awkward encounters at her front door happening.

Deciding that he should be getting home about now, he got up and went to go home, when suddenly...

"Rito?" Came a voice that he knew all too well for his comfort at the moment from behind him.

He froze in his tracks and slowly turned around to see, "Mikado-sensei."

* * *

_'This is certainly not what I expected to see at my house at six in the morning, not that I'm complaining of course.' _Mused Ryouko happily. "Well this certainly is a pleasant surprise Rito. What are you doing at my house so early in the morning? Most people aren't usually up at this hour."

"I c-couldn't sleep, and decided to take a walk." He replied before also asking. "What are you doing up so early?" 'She's not exactly an early-riser herself after all.'

"The same story. We did both get a lot of sleep yesterday already after all, and I didn't feel like just sitting around doing work this morning." She explained before she decided to have a little fun. "But if you just wanted to go for a walk, why did you cone to my house I wonder? Couldn't wait for our first date could you?" His face turned red and panic filled instantly when she said that. _'I'm pretty sure that I have too much fun teasing the poor boy.'_

"N-n-no, not at all! I just wasn't paying attention to where I was going, and before I knew it I wound up here." In the small part of his mind that actually somewhat understood women, and was still keeping it's cool, he realized that what he'd just said would only help her side of the argument.

"So, let me see if I get this straight." She began slyly. "You were just wandering aimlessly around town, and you somehow wound up coming to my house. Now forgive me if I'm wrong, but if your story really went as you said then that would mean that you came here subconsciously, and the subconscious, simply put, is the most basic, primitive, and uncensored desires of your mind. That being said, exactly what kind of primitive and uncensored desires did you have that brought you here Rito?" She worded in such a way that made steam come out of Rito's head.

_'Yep, I really do love to tease Rito far too much. I should probably stop before he overheats and passes out again. I mean, I do have a date with him today.'_

"Calm down Rito, there's no need to be so stiff about this. But since you're here anyway, why don't we start our date right now?"

"N-now? As in right now?" He asked nervously, already fearing what she might have in store for him.

"Sure, why not? We could go for a walk, talk for a while, and if we pass an open restaurant we could stop there for something to eat, my treat." She suggested simply.

Rito stopped to think upon hearing this. _'Okay, that's definitely not what I was expecting. She only wants to go for a walk and have breakfast with me. This might not actually be as bad as I was making it out to be.'_

"Okay then, that sounds nice." Was his still somewhat uncertain reply.

"Well what are we waiting for, I know a nice place not too far from here that has a good breakfast menu, though I'm not sure if they're open this early."

* * *

During the walk they didn't really say much outside of the occasional observation of how different the streets are so early in the morning, the awkward silence between them making them both a bit uneasy, though Ryouko did a much better job of hiding it. When they got to the restaurant they were quite glad to see that it was open, and the nervous looks on the faces of all the staff, and the few early-rising customers like them when they saw Ryouko walk in, (it wasn't every day you saw a woman who looked like she could snap you in half like a twig after all) made the woman in question chuckle at the sight.

After they ordered their meals the silent tension in the air was thick enough to cut with a knife, with neither party really knowing how they could break the silence that was making the situation that much more awkward.

Surprisingly, the one to finally break the heavy curtain of silence blanketing the room was Rito. "Umm, Mikado-sensei?" He began nervously, getting her attention. "What was it that made you, well, errrm, fall in love with, well, me? Or, why exactly did you tell me?" He asked the latter question in a somewhat panicked tone, hinting that he was unsure if the first one was really appropriate to ask.

She sighed a bit at the question, weather in sorrow, thought, or something else he didn't really know, but he waited patiently for her response. The response that he got was quite a surprising one. "When I was on that machine, it really made me fear for, and think about my life. What I had done in the past, what I was doing right now, and what I wanted to do with my life in the future. It made me remember all the horrible things I'd done in the mafia and how I have to live with all the bad decisions I made back then. It made me think of how glad and lucky I am to have the life that I lead now. But most importantly, wonder exactly what I still wanted out of life. It was then I realized that what I wanted most in the universe was someone who would always be with me, and the only person I could imagine myself with was you Rito."

Rito was stunned by her answer. _'I've never really thought that much about all that stuff, and when I did it was never that deep.' _His train of thought began. _'And there was something else about her response, __'feared for...my life'__, Was she afraid that she might die on that thing?'_ He was about to ask about that, when the food arrived and ruined the mood. _'I suppose that I could ask her about that later.' _He thought as he began his meal.

* * *

After they'd finished, Ryouko had told Rito that she had some appointments with patients that she needed to keep, and that he could go home now.

"But, I don't feel right, ending the date so soon I mean. It feels like I've ripped you off, or something Mikado-sensei." He reasoned.

"I have other appointments to keep, and it would've gone more or less the same if I'd come over when I said I would anyway, so you don't have to feel guilty about anything."

"Even so I-" He began, but was cut off.

"If you really want to make it up to me, you just have to do me one small favor."

"What that?" He asked, without the slightest bit of unease in his voice, she noted happily.

"Call me Ryouko from now on, and we'll call it even."

"Mika-" he began, but stopped himself before uneasily saying. "Ryouko."

"That's good, call me that from now on and we shouldn't have any problems." She said as she walked off to her house.

Rito stood in place for a few minutes, trying to comprehend exactly what had just happened, before he decided it would be best if he went home before his extended family started jumping to crazy conclusions.

Unbeknown to both parties involved, a very dangerous person had been observing them since they meet at Ryouko's house that morning. Someone who could, and more importantly, would use what he'd just seen take place to his advantage.

The name of that person, was Sallem Cortez.

* * *

Sorry I'm updating so late, but this writers block was tough. Anyway, I personally think this was my best chapter yet, especially the end, where I paint myself as the villain for the story. If you like this chapter please review and tell your friends, I'm desperate for readers here.


	8. Back to School

Sorry that it's taking me so long to upload, but I write better after I've done something tedious and boring for a few hours, like my summer job, which is regrettably over for now, but at least I've got school now. Anyway, I own nothing, if I did do you really think that I'd be writing fanfics instead of the real thing?

* * *

On his way home, Rito noticed that a lot of stores were opening up around now, which meant that everyone back at home should be waking up soon too, and that would mean he'd have some explaining to do when he got back. "Oh well, at least I've had a decent morning so far." He spoke aloud unknowingly. "The date wasn't nearly as bad as I thought it'd be, and one date down means only four more, and they probably won't be all that bad anyway, at least if the first date is anything to go by." Upon saying this his thoughts took a sudden, though not surprising, turn for the worse.

"But what if she was just taking it easy during the first date to get me to let my guard down? I wouldn't put it past her to try something like that. From what I know of her that may be just what she's planning." Rito was really starting to panic right now. _'This isn't good, my thoughts are going straight downhill, from what used to be such a happy outlook.'_ Pausing to think about it as he was opening the door to his house, he decided that for the safety and well-being of his mind, he would be best off giving Ryouko the benefit of a doubt, and to see where this all goes.

"Rito, where have you been?" Asked Mikan the moment he walked into the house. "Everyone's already had breakfast."

"Sorry about that Mikan," Began Rito, "but I woke-up early and decided to go for a walk so that I wouldn't bother anyone."

Mikan eyed him suspiciously, before relenting, obviously accepting his excuse. "All right, I don't mind if that's what happened, but you're going to have to live with cold eggs today, because I'm not going to warm them up." She said firmly.

"That's okay, I've already eaten." Replied Rito before he knew what he was saying.

"You've already eaten? Where and when did this happen?" Mikan asked him accusingly.

Rito was beginning to panic, and as anyone who knows him can tell you, Rito panicking mostly consists of a long, rambling, and nervously stuttered excuse. "W-well, you see, on my walk I ran into Ryouko and-"

"Ryouko? Don't you mean Mikado-sensei?" She interrupted teasingly. "And what does she have to do with this?"

"I ran into her as I passed her house and-" He began hurriedly, before he was again cut off.

"And what exactly were you doing at her house at this hour?" If there was any hidden meaning to her words, they didn't escape Rito.

"I walked to her house because I'd been going to and from there for the past five days, and wasn't paying attention to where I was going!" He explained frantically, before Mikan could interrupt once more. "Anyway, she was going for a walk too, and she decided to start our date then, and we went to a restaurant." Rito was short on breath after that long winded explanation, but Mikan wasn't done giving him the third-degree just yet.

"But that still doesn't explain why you called her Ryouko." She said simply.

"She asked me to, okay?" He sighed from running his mouth too much, too quickly.

"Hmmm, and is that all that happened today? Because that doesn't seem like **Ryouko** at all." She said while placing a little extra emphasis on Ryouko, and getting an amusing response from Rito in return.

"I swear that's all that happened Mikan." He said exasperatedly. "You know, you're beginning to sound a bit like Ryouko, Mikan."

She thought this over for a minute before saying. "That's not really so bad, especially if I start to look like her too. Then boys might start acting like my own personal slaves."

"Ehhh, Mikan wants to get strong?" Wondered Lala, who, as usual, had just come at the worst time possible.

"Strong? What do you mean Lala?" She asked, oblivious to Ryouko's current physical state.

* * *

"What?" Yelled Mikan after hearing about the state Ryouko's in. "Your machine made Ryouko buff, Lala?"

"Yep." Replied Lala simply.

"Hmmm." Mikan had to think for a few seconds, before continuing. "I had no idea Rito was into that kind of woman." She said, while casting a disapproving glance at Rito.

"I am not!" He shouted in protest, but to no avail, as Mikan was never really serious and was just teasing Rito (but he didn't know that).

"Well, I suppose that some boys are just into that kind of thing." Mikan thought aloud. "But Rito, are you sure that you're not one of them?"

"Positive!" Rito declared panicking.

Mikan pretended to mull this over for a minute, before she decided that she'd teased Rito enough for one morning. "Well, it's not like it makes any difference to me. Unless Ryouko gets impatient, suddenly becomes my sister-in-law, and I wind-up an aunt." Okay, so apparently she still had one dosage of taunting left in her.

"It's not like that!" He shouted for the umpteenth time.

"If you say so, Rito. But be sure to tell me how people react to her at school tomorrow." She requested.

"Tomorrow?" Wondered Rito aloud, until he realized something. "School starts again tomorrow!" He realized fearfully.

"Of course." Reminded Mikan. "Don't tell me you forgot that Rito?"

"I guess that with everything that's happened these past few day, I just lost track of time." Rito reasoned. "But still, now that you mention it, I can't help but wonder how everyone's going to react to Ryouko at school." He really wasn't looking forward to seeing that spectacle, especially not after all the looks they got at the restaurant this morning.

_'I just hope that she doesn't mention the fact that I'm now basically seeing her to anyone. That wouldn't help me at all with Haruna-chan... Or Lala.'_ He added as a sad afterthought._ 'I really need to decide who I really want, before this gets anymore out of hand.'_

* * *

**The Next Day**

_'People can't seem to stop staring at me.'_ Thought Ryouko on her way to school, happy that she was still drawing much attention, even though it was for a completely different reason than it used to be. _'I can't wait until I get to school and really start turning heads. After all, everyone there knows me pretty well already, and it's only been a little over a week since they've last seen me, so their reactions to my sudden growth should be pretty funny.'_ She thought to herself with a chuckle as she came up to the entrance to the school._ 'Well, looks like it's time for people to really start gawking at my sex appeal, if you can still call it that anyway.'_

The moment she walked through the school gates, she was not the least bit disappointed at all the stares she got, and the whispers she heard. One of the benefits of having pointy ears was that they tended to pick-up even very quiet sounds clear as day, just like a dog's ears.

"What the hell happened to Mikado-sensei?" One guy said.

"She looks like she got a whole head taller." Someone commented.

"Forget her height, she looks like she could bench press a truck." Another person retorted.

"A strong woman! Right here at school! It's like a dream come true!" Some pervert said.

"Eww! You're just sick!" Replied someone who'd overheard.

"How on Earth did she get that big in just a week?" Someone asked.

"Maybe she's on drugs." Someone answered.

"Or maybe she's an alien." Another person supplied.

"Don't be stupid. There aren't any aliens on Earth." Retorted someone who obviously didn't pay any attention to all the insanity at the school.

"Ryouko-chan! Noooo! What happened to your slim and sexy figure?" Whined the Principal.

_'Well, seems I'm still the talk of the town.'_ Thought Ryouko happily._ 'Even though it's for different reasons than it normally is, with some exceptions of course, I'm just glad to flaunt what I've got. Although, the idea that I'd use drugs for anything other than medicine and aphrodisiacs is a little insulting.'_ She thought as she tuned-out the rest of the comments and continued on towards her office. _'If they knew that the real reason I have all this muscle is because I went through hell for five days straight, they wouldn't be so quick to gossip.'_ She thought somberly._ 'But, at least I have a chance with Rito now. And who knows, maybe I'll win him over and be wife someday, or one of them, or at least a concubine.'_ She got uncomfortable at the last thought. _'Well, hopefully I'll be one of his wives. After all, I kinda want to have an official marriage, and I don't really want to disappoint Lala or Haruna, and maybe any other girls who can get Rito to reciprocate their feelings. But I draw the line at him having five wives, including myself. Any more than that would be too hard to handle, especially in bed.'_

* * *

_'I haven't heard any gossip about Ryouko so far, so maybe not many people noticed her.'_ Thought Rito, as he and Lala walked into their classroom.

"Rito!" Shouted Saruyama. "Something incredible happened this morning!"

_'Or maybe not.'_ Rito sighed inwardly "What is it?" He asked, though he was already painfully aware of the answer.

"Mikado-sensei got huge! And I'm not talking about her chest, even though that did seem to get bigger too!" Saruyama commented. "Anyway! She looks like she's grown 20cm, at least! And she's totally ripped! She looks like she could bend iron bars with her bare hands! How the hell do you think she got that big in just a week?"

"What makes you think I would know?" Commented Rito slightly nervously, obviously having a hard time trying to lie, especially since he'd already been a little unsettled by the sudden verbal attack.

"Oh, that." Intervened Lala. "An invention of mine malfunctioned and did that." She said before Rito could stop her.

"Why did you tell him!" Shouted Rito.

"Oh, well that makes sense." Replied Saruyama evenly, causing Rito to fall over in shock.

"It does?" Exclaimed Rito.

"Sure, Lala's inventions do all kinds of weird stuff, after all." He reasoned bluntly.

"Well, that may be true, but-" Rito began, but was cut off.

"Alright class, settle down." Began Honekawa-sensei. "I know that this is rather sudden, but we will be having a new transfer student joining us. He's only going to be here for the next three months, but I hope you'll all make him feel welcome."

_'A transfer student?'_ Thought Rito, and no doubt almost everyone else in the room, at least if all the murmuring was anything to go by. At least until something occurred to Rito. _'Wait a second. Every time we get a sudden transfer student, it's always an alien.'_ He realized sorrowfully. '_Oh, please let it not be another alien. Please! I have my hands full just trying to survive the ones already here, I don't need any more problems! Especially now that I'm dating Ryouko!'_ He wrapped-up his thoughts there, as he was now stepping into dangerous waters.

"You may come in now." Said Honekawa-sensei, as he looked to the door, causing everyone in the room to follow suit. Everyone just stared at the door for at least 30 seconds, before Honekawa-sensei went to open the door to check. "Huh? Where did he go?" He wondered aloud.

Just as he said this, the window suddenly opened, drawing all eyes in the room.

"Huh? Why did the window open?" Asked a few kids in class.

It was as they asked this, that they suddenly heard a faint noise, that was steadily growing louder.

"Loooook ouuuuut!" Came the voice from outside.

Then suddenly, something, or someone, came flying through the window. For a split second, everyone was in total shock. But that shock was quickly replaced with comical confusion, when whoever or whatever it was that flew threw the window ricochet off the ceiling, and made a sound like a pinball machine and someone grunting in pain. Then the object, who everyone now new to be a person bounced to the wall, and repeated the previous pattern at least six times, before finally landing with a sharp beep that sounded vaguely like 'tilt' behind Honekawa-sensei's desk.

For a few seconds, everyone in the room was too stupefied to speak. _'Did that seriously just happen?' _The vast majority of everyone present thought.

"Oroooo." Came the groggy voice of whoever it was that just came flying into the room.

"Oh my god! Are you alright?" Exclaimed Honekawa-sensei when he finally processed what just happened.

"Yeah. I've taken worse blows before. I just hope that my entrance was SUPER!" Said whoever it was that had just landed in the room, as he hoisted himself up onto the desk, revealing that he was wearing a black fedora with a white band just above the rim, square sunglasses that were so dark one might wonder if even he could see through them, He had well defined, somewhat rugged features, curly brown hair that seemed to be long in the back, and a mustache, goatee combo, but that was all they could see, since he was barely standing on his knees behind the desk. "Pardon the mess, but I'm the new student. My name is Sallem Cortez. It's nice to meet you all." Sallem said with a salute.

"Ohhh! Sallem-kun!" Exclaimed Lala.

"Hello there, Lala. Nice to see you again after so long." Sallem replied, prompting instant gossip about this strange new student who just came flying in through the window, and apparently knew the most attractive girl in the school somehow (their words, not mine). Rito, however, was in no mood to talk to anyone right now.

_'Crap! He came flying in through the window! And he knows Lala!'_ He panicked. _'If those aren't sure signs he's an alien, I don't know what are! Is it just too much for me to ask for some normalcy in my life?'_ He knew today was not going to be easy.

* * *

Sorry this took so long, but I had another fanfic to write. Hope you like my first chapter in this story in a while.

"One more thing!" I'm going to make some edits to my old chapters of this story. Feel free to view them at your leisure.

"One more thing!" Due to a change in my muse, I changed my appearance in the story, and I wanted to make the change before it would be almost impossible to do so. The albino look just didn't really suit me, and I realized that it would make the story a bit harder for me to write. Not to mention that the current appearance I gave my self-insertion character is very close to my real appearance.


	9. Sallem Comes to Town

Hello! It's been awhile since I've updated this story, hasn't it? Well, at least I'm getting back to work on it now. As usual, I own nothing.

* * *

"Pardon the mess," Said Sallem as he got out from behind the desk, revealing his full attire. He was dressed completely in black; long black scarf, heavily padded black vest, black long coat, black hakama, and black boots. "I decided that entering by cannon would be more exciting than just walking through a door, but I guess that I put a little too much gunpowder in the cannon, and I wound-up getting covered in soot." He explained as he shook himself off.

When he was done, there was soot littered all around him, and his clothes were revealed to be much more colorful than everyone initially thought. His fedora was actually brown. His scarf was orange. His long coat was white. The only parts of his attire that were actually black were his hakama and boots. As he took his glasses off to wipe off the soot that made people originally think that they were sunglasses, everyone's eyes were suddenly drawn to a certain part of his face.

"He has no cheek!" Exclaimed Saruyama.

"What?" Asked Sallem absentmindedly as he reached up at his left cheek and noticed that it was missing. "Oh yeah. I lost that thing years ago. I usually wear a fake one to avoid offending people, but it must have gone flying when I shook myself off. Has anyone seen it?" That was definitely **not** a good thing to say.

"WHAT?" Shrieked one girl.

"OH MY GOD!" Went another.

"IS IT ON ME? IS IT ON ME?" Went one more.

"IT LANDED ON MY FACE!" Shrieked Run as she ran screaming out of the room in a panic. Everyone got silent after that.

"Well, that answers that question." Commented Sallem calmly several awkward seconds after Run had fled the room, bringing everyone back to their senses. Unsurprisingly, the next person to talk was...

"Hold on a second!" Declared Yui. "Scarred face aside, that outfit is a clear violation of the school uniform!"

"This school has a uniform?" Asked an honestly baffled Sallem. "I thought it was just some weird fashion choice that everyone decided to make today."

"Certainly not!" Rebuked Yui. "This school has a strict dress code! Everyone is wearing the same thing because those are the school rules!"

"If those are the school rules then explain the short, chubby, bald guy in the suit that I saw walking into the girl's changing room with an armful of cameras." Sallem deadpanned.

"Short... Chubby... Bald..." Said Yui, before she and everyone else realized who that had to be. "DAMN THAT HENTAI PRINCIPAL!" She and every other girl in the room, except for Lala and Haruna, exclaimed as they rushed off to find, and pummel, said principal, until he told them where the cameras were.

"So that's who he was." Commented Sallem, completely straight-faced. "When those girls come back, tell them that the principal didn't really put cameras in the girl's changing room, and that I went home to change into the outfit I was given when I transferred to this school." He said as he left. "I knew there was something strange about the school giving me clothes." Everyone remaining heard him mumble on his way out. "One more thing!" He said as he popped his head back in the room. "The sleeping pills that I slipped into the teacher's coffee this morning should be kicking in in three... two...one..."

He left the room again just as Honekawa-sensei passed-out at his desk. As he left, the few students remaining in the room heard...

"Yo ho ho ho ho ho!" Sallem laughed maniacally as he walked down the halls.

* * *

"So Lala," Began Haruna after they all got over the initial shock of Sallem's antics. "How do you know Sallem?"

"Sallem's been an important business partner of papa for nine years now." Said Lala happily. "Papa even tried to have him marry me."

"So he was one of your fiance candidates?" Asked Rito.

"No." Replied Peke. "He turned down the offer instantly, and was quite rude about it as I recall. I believe that he said 'I'd rather spend the rest of my life trapped in the Gourmet World without a sense of taste than marry any of your kids, you perverted monkey'."

"What did your father do about it?" Asked Rito fearfully, for he knew from experience that Lala's father was not someone to make mad.

"Absolutely nothing." Replied Peke much to Rito's shock. "Even at his young age, Sallem-sama was far too important to king Deviluke-sama for him to risk offending him. To this day, Sallem-sama technically holds more power than king Deviluke-sama himself." This really shocked Rito.

"More power than Lala's father?" Said Rito fearfully. "But isn't he the ruler of the galaxy?"

"On paper, yes. But ten years ago, at a tender eight years of age, Sallem-sama founded Zero Industries, which, due to his incomprehensible intellect, has become the most powerful and influential company in the galaxy. Even the massive political and physical power held by king Deviluke-sama is no match for the incredible economic power and reach held by Zero Industries. It would be more accurate to say that Sallem-sama is the **true** ruler of the galaxy, and that he just **allows** king Deviluke-sama to rule in his place because he barely has any interest in running his own company, let alone the whole galaxy." Peke explained.

"He rules the galaxy?" Shuddered Rito. "But then what's he doing here?"

"Sallem slacks-off and has a lot of weird hobbies." Chimed-in Lala. "He's kinda like papa, but tons better at getting away from work. He does stuff like; rescuing survivors of apocalypses, building machines, coming up with new medical advances, playing horrible pranks on people, slaying zombies, being a pirate, hunting ninjas, going to some place called the Gourmet World, playing matchmaker, whatever all of that stuff is." She said cheerfully, in spite of the fact that some of those things were definitely **not **cheery things.

"Z-Z-Zombies?" Stammered Haruna fearfully.

"Playing matchmaker?" Said Rito fearfully (with good reason). "Where did you hear that?"

"Sallem told me the last time I saw him." Lala replied. "I haven't seen him in three years though. I wonder what he's doing here." She hummed to herself.

_'Based on his list of hobbies I can make a few guesses.'_ Panicked Rito.

* * *

**Meanwhile, with Ryouko.**

"I wonder where I should take Rito on our second date." Ryouko hummed to herself, since no one else was in there except Oshizu. "I only have five chances to make him fall for me, and I've already wasted one just to eat with him and share an awkward silence. He does more than that with Lala every day, and it took him more than a year to fall for her."

"Mikado-sensei," Said Oshizu nervously. "Are you sure you really want to do this?"

"Of course I am Oshizu." Said Ryouko as she placed a hand to her chest and sighed lovingly. "After all that I've seen of Rito, I can tell that he's just my type. If Haruna, Lala, and up to two other girls want Rito too, I don't mind sharing him with them." Oshizu popped out of her body for a moment, but quickly collected herself.

"Sh-Sh-Share him?" Stammered Oshizu. "Why would you want to **share** him?" She may have been dead for about 400 years, but she was pretty sure customs hadn't changed **that** much since she died.

"It's not really that I **want **to share him any more or less than I want him all to myself, but he has many other girls who want him as well, and I don't want to disappoint them all." Ryouko explained. "However, I still want to have enough time with him each day to say that he's at least **partially** mine, and I don't think that would be possible if I had to share him with more than four women. Last time I checked, he has eight women after him, including; Lala, Haruna, and myself." She mentally counted. "So at least three women are going to have to be disappointed, and I don't plan on being one of those three."

"But Mikado-sens-" Oshizu tried to argue before...

**"Excuse me, is this the nurse's office?"** Came a voice from the doorway, drawing all attention to the newcomer. Ryouko was shocked at who it was for a few seconds, but quickly realized that she should have expected this.

"Oshizu," She began. "I'm sure that you have class to attend, so I won't keep you waiting."

"Mikado-sensei, what are you-?" Oshizu tried to say before...

"Just go," Ryouko interrupted. "I can handle things here."

Oshizu, while confused by what was going on, didn't press the issue further, and quickly left the room.

"So," Began Ryouko once she was certain that Oshizu was gone. "I'd say 'to what do I owe the pleasure' but I'm pretty sure that I know what you're doing here. Am I right, Sallem?"

"You know me too well for someone I just met in passing when I helped her get out of the mafia." Replied Sallem deviously.

* * *

**With Rito, Lala, Haruna, And Oshizu - After School.**

"I can't believe that Honekawa-sensei was out until noon." Said Oshizu.

"I can't believe that someone would shoot himself out of a cannon and give a person sleeping pills just to have a laugh." Deadpanned Rito.

"Sallem's always been really funny." Said Lala in a chipper voice. "I remember one time when I was ten, he said that he had told Ren that a bunch of pedo... pedo... pedo-somethings, were watching me in the bath, and Ren ran into my bathroom when I was just getting in the tub. All of the servants chased him out, and the next time I saw Ren, he was wearing some stiff mummy costume." Everyone just stared at her for a few seconds. "Come to think of it, Ren and Run always wore that costume when he came over, and even for a few weeks afterward. Zastin wore it sometimes too."

"Lala, I'm pretty sure that 'costume' was a full-body cast." Said Rito fearfully.

"What's a full-body cast?" Asked Lala.

**"I think that I can answer that." **Came Ryouko's voice from behind them, startling all of them except Lala, and causing them all to turn to look at her. While most of them were already well aware of Ryouko's recent growth, Haruna had only heard rumors, and didn't really believe them, so she was very startled at what she saw.

"Mikado-sensei..." Squeezed out Haruna. "The rumors were true... You really are..." She trailed off uncertainly.

"Huge? Muscular? Incredibly attractive?" Ryouko supplied jokingly as she happily flexed her muscles in various bodybuilder poses. She was happy to notice that Rito was blushing at her 'more than little' display.

"So what's a full-body cast?" Asked Lala again, undeterred by Ryouko's posing.

"A cast is what people wear when they've broken a bone to prevent them from moving it and making it worse. An arm-cast is for broken bones in an arm, and a leg-cast is for broken bones in a leg. So a full-body cast is worn by people who were so horribly injured that they can't be allowed to move at all." She explained. "The principal is actually in one right now after some of the students beat him up again."

"Ohhhh~! So that's what it is." Said Lala in wonder.

"Yes, but enough about that." Ryouko said as she turned her gaze to a suddenly nervous Rito. "Rito~," She cooed lovingly as she walked up to him, causing his already red face to get redder. "Could you stop by my house in an hour or so? I have our next date planned out, and I don't really want to wait." Not a good place to say that.

"What?" Gasped Haruna.

"Ohh~! You've got it planned out already?" Asked Lala in wonder. "You're really good with romance Ryouko."

_'Did you have to say **that** right here and now?'_ Panicked Rito.

* * *

Hope you all enjoyed this chapter! Sorry it took so long, but I had another story I had to write before I could get much further in this one. I recommend that you look at it if you haven't already. If you don't know the series that it's based off of, I recommend that you read-up on it, as the events in my other story **will **have an impact on this story.

"One more thing!" My updates to this story will be sporadic, but based on past experience, it will be updated at least once a week, maybe twice depending on how I'm feeling that week.


	10. Let the Games Begin!

Hello again! I own nothing.

"One more thing!" I'm going to try and make my at least a few of the chapters longer from here on out. My other story was over 5,000 words per chapter, and the last two were over 10,000 words. If I can do that for Sekirei, I can do it for To Love-Ru.

"One more thing!" Those of you who have not read my Sekirei fic, please do so now, or you'll be unable to follow some of what's happening in this story from here on out.

* * *

_'Why does it seem like my life is constantly going from bad to worse?'_ Rito asked himself as he slowly made his way to Ryouko's house. _'It's not like I asked to get involved with; aliens, assassins, ghosts, and princesses.'_ He thought as he began reflecting on his life thus far, and what could have been._ 'If Lala hadn't teleported into my bath that one night, I would probably have confessed to Haruna by now, and I might be just like any other kid in school. Someone who doesn't really stand out, and who doesn't attract so many problems.'_ Rito paused, both in thought and in step, at this train of thought, before his mind started-up again.

_'Why does it feel wrong to think that?' _He wondered. _'I know that I love both Lala and Haruna (I still can't get used to the fact that I feel this way about two people) but would my life really be a good one if I hadn't met Lala?'_ He shook his head vigorously and shuddered at the thought._ 'Get away from that kind of thinking Rito! You're starting to sound suicidal, and that's a path that no one wants to walk down!'_

To try and get his mind off of things he'd rather not focus on 'now or ever', he changed his thoughts to the first thing that came to mind.

* * *

**Flashback**

"Second... Date?" Haruna asked, unsure of what she'd heard.

"That's right." Confirmed Ryouko as she hugged a red-faced Rito into her massive breasts. "Rito here is such a charmer. We had our first date just yesterday, and I already want more."

"R-R-R-Ryouko!" Exclaimed Rito as he struggled to get out of the hold Ryouko had on him, but to no avail. (What did he expect? She's completely ripped!) "Don't say things like that witho-!"

"Ryouko?" Said Haruna nervously. "Why are you calling her by her first name? Are you two... Really...?"

"N-N-N-No! It's not like that! It's just-!" Rito tried to explain, before he was cut off.

"Don't worry Rito," Cooed Ryouko as she let go of Rito. "I have other things to do right now, so you can explain everything to my future sister-wife." Rito and Haruna both got redder at that.

"S-S-Sister-wife?" Stammered Haruna.

_'This is not my day.' _Groaned Rito inwardly. (When is it ever your day?)

**Flashback Over**

* * *

_'Even though I was able to explain everything to Haruna, I still feel like I'm committing a crime or something.'_ Panicked Rito._ 'I guess if it turns out like Lala and Ryouko hope it does, I actually **will** be committing a crime. Polygamy isn't exactly legal after all.'_ Rito realized painfully. _'Lala said that it would be okay on Deviluke, but given how naive she is, I'm not so sure...'_ Rito shook his head furiously again. _'No, no ,no ,no! Stop thinking like that Rito! Before you know it you might actually be giving serious consideration do their ideas!'_ Deciding to leave such thought behind him as he rang Ryouko's doorbell (he'd only now realized just how far he'd walked while his mind was elsewhere) he quickly gathered his nerves as Ryouko opened the door.

"Ah, Rito, so good to see you." She said happily. "If you'll just come in we can get our date underway."

Rito noticed that she wasn't wearing the lab coat that she usually did, leaving her very well muscled arms, which were both currently curling very large dumbbells, unobstructed from view, showing every bit of strain and pull they were doing. A sight that caused a slight blush to creep its way up his neck. Luckily for Rito, Ryouko was already walking further inside, so she didn't notice it. **Un**luckily, however, Ryouko inviting him inside made Rito slightly nervous about what they would be doing today.

_'Please don't tell me that my idea about the first date being so easy was just to get my guard down was right!'_ He panicked as she led him upstairs, where he knew her bedroom was. _'If she wants something from me, there's no way I can stop her! I couldn't even move when she held me at school!'_ He panicked as she led him down a hall, where he knew her bedroom was._ 'Please don't let this happen! Please don't let this happen! I'm too young, and I'm not ready!'_ He panicked as she led him to a door, where he knew her bedroom was... And walked past it? _'What?'_ He though, confused, as she opened the next door, a door which he had no idea what was behind it.

"Come on Rito. We're going to spend our date in here." Explained Ryouko as she walked into the room.

_'So... We're **not** going into her room?'_ Wondered a suddenly relieved Rito. _'But then what's behind this door?'_ He wondered as he followed Ryouko into the room, where he saw...

"File cabinets?" Asked Rito of no one in particular.

"Yes," Replied Ryouko as she put down the dumbbells he only now realized she was still curling. "It's a bit embarrassing to admit this, but I've fallen **way** behind on my work. I figured that we could spend today sorting things out." She explained as she stretched her arms above her head, every stretch of every muscle caught by Rito's suddenly embarrassed eyes.

"S-So let me get this straight," Began Rito. "Our second date is going to be spent sorting through files?" He asked, still unsure of what he'd heard.

"That's right." Said Ryouko as she crossed her arms under her massive bust, making Rito's momentarily confused and somewhat relaxed face once again red and nervous. "I figured that having a man around would help with my work. That, and I figured that you could use some practice for when you have a job of your own someday."

_'Is this it?'_ Rito wondered, baffled at this turn of events. _'On the first date she takes me out to breakfast, and on the second date she has me help her with her work. Is she planning something, or is she honestly trying to build a good romance with me? For all I know, getting closer to me might be part of some long term goal to get in bed with me or something.'_ He wondered, until he thought better of it. _'Well, when you have a strong romance with someone, something like... well... **that**... isn't anything out of the ordinary.' _He reasoned.

"Alright then," Said Rito. "So what do you want me to do?"

"Oh, it's very simple..." Ryouko said as she began to go over what needed to be done.

* * *

_'Very simple indeed.'_ Thought Rito as he sorted another file. _'I've been here two hours already, and the work is hard and it just keeps changing. I had no idea having a job was so hard.' _He thought as he typed some information onto a computer that looked like some kind of spaceship part._ 'Ryouko really has it rough. She has to do this all the time, and she doesn't usually have anyone to talk to, well, except maybe Oshizu.'_ He thought as he shredded some paper. He had to admit that he was grateful that he had someone to talk to while he did this. Once they had both gotten into a good rhythm for their work, they spent a lot of time talking while they did all this work, and they'd learned a lot about each other. _'I had no idea that being an adult took so much work. I can't believe that Mikan puts up with doing so much work around the house, and she does it with a smile. Granted, Ryouko said that she'd gotten well behind in her work, but this is still tough work.'_

"So Rito," Began Ryouko as she stood up to stretch, every muscle and curve on her body suddenly becoming much more vibrant and noticeable, once again causing Rito's face to flush. "Exactly what are your feelings for Lala, Haruna, and myself?"

"What?" Asked Rito nervously, though he was perfectly aware of what she had said. "Can't we talk about something else? Something that **doesn't** involve something like **that**?" He asked hopefully.

"We're running out of things to talk about." Pouted Ryouko. "I even saved this question for last, since I wanted you to be more comfortable around me, and with sharing your feelings. I don't want you to suddenly run off and not even give me a chance to** really** get closer to you."

_'She was worried about how I would feel.'_ Realized Rito, at least before he realized something else.

"What do you mean '**really** get closer to me'?" He asked warily.

"I mean that I want to make this relationship work." Ryouko explained. "I may be mischievous, playful, and free with my body, but I'm not a pervert... Well, not a big one anyway." She amended while playfully scratching the back of her head. Normally a pose like that could be considered cute on the right kind of girl. However, Ryouko, with her muscular figure, was most definitely **not** the right the right kind of girl.

Rito wasn't quite sure what to make of the pose Ryouko was in, so he instead focused on her comment on her being at least a slight pervert and blushed. "W-Well..." He stammered. "It's... complicated." Ryouko ushered him on with a knowing smile. "I... I really, really like them both and..." He trailed off.

"Rito, you're going to have to tell me more about how you feel about them if I'm going to have a shot at becoming as important to you as they are." Ryouko explained to a red-faced Rito (but then again, what else is new?)

"I-I-I-I-I," Stammered Rito. "I-I've l-l-loved Haruna for a long time now, and-and th-then I fell for Lala too just a few weeks ago at the pool." He managed to yammer out.

"Hmmmm." Ryouko hummed, deep in thought, as Rito panicked under her thoughtful gaze. "Have you ever gone out on a date with either of them? Just you and one of them."

"Uhhh." Rito blanked. he had to really think about this question.

_'Have I ever gone out with either of them?'_ He asked himself as he went over his history with both of them. _'I don't think I have. I mean, there have been times when I've been alone with one of them for awhile, but those times are usually interrupted before we can really make any progress that could be considered even somewhat romantic.'_

"I... don't think that I've really ever been out on a date with either of them." He concluded. "There have been times where I think that I managed to get closer to one of them, but those times are usually interrupted before anything can happen." He finished, somewhat red-faced as he recalled some of the more... inappropriate times when he had been interrupted.

"I see." Said a **very** pleased sounding Ryouko.

_'Just as I had hoped and thought.'_ She said to herself. _'He only fell for Lala a few weeks ago, and from what he told me, it was mostly because progress was so slow. Not to mention that he likely wasn't very open to the idea of polygamy before he fell for two girls at the same time. But now he's going on official dates with me, and he's a bit more open to the idea of a harem. I can definitely use this to my advantage, but I'm still going to have to go the extra mile. Good thing I have the services of a criminally insane, super-genius, match-making expert on my side.'_ She thought as she recalled a conversation she'd had earlier that day.

* * *

**Flashback**

"So what exactly are you doing here Sallem?" Asked Ryouko. "Is running the most powerful business in the galaxy getting boring?"

"Please," Scoffed Sallem. "It's been boring since day one over ten years ago. At least back then I didn't have to worry about the near constant assassination attempts by professionals and amateurs alike that have become so prevalent in my life. So I'd ask you how things are going, but in all honesty I saw your little date yesterday."

"I had a feeling that was the case the moment you stepped in here." She replied. "I've heard about your hobbies. Are you here to help me win over the man of my dreams? Or maybe a zombie attack is coming soon?"

"Nah. My wives made me give up zombie hunting once I got married." It was obvious he was very depressed about that. "They said it was too dangerous."

"You've gotten married?" Asked a disbelieving Ryouko. "How many?"

"Three, and they can be so troublesome at times." He sighed.

"Then why marry them in the first place?"

"One is as openly hostile towards people she doesn't like as I am. One is as snarky as I am. And one is as maniacal as I am. Not to mention that they're all pretty attractive in there own way." He explained, before adding. "That, and I wanted to see first-hand just what I've been doing for all the couples I set-up, and let me tell ya, it's not very pretty for the guy."

"I'm not sure it's supposed to be pretty for the man for the first few years." Teased Ryouko.

"Ya got that right." Agreed Sallem. "So, are you going to explain to me how you managed to get Lala's fiance to go out with you, or do I have to guess?"

"I'm not surprised about how much you know. But I am surprised about what you don't know."

"Even I, with my I.Q. of well over 10,000 can't know everything." Deadpanned Sallem. "So spill."

"Well, it's like this..." She said as she began to explain.

* * *

"That's quite the start to a story." Replied Sallem once she was done. "So you've almost completely wasted one date, and don't give me that look, you totally wasted that date. Contrary to what you may think, explaining to a guy how you fell for them, and getting the guy to call you by your given name is not really any big progress. If you want to get the guy to fall for you in your remaining four dates with him, you have to make sure that every move is right."

"And what exactly are the right moves?" Ryouko asked as she tilted her head slightly.

"First of all, you have to force the guy to get comfortable around you. The best way to do that is to put him an environment where you have a huge advantage over him, your house would be best. After getting him there, you have to show him that you're no real threat to him, and show him that you really like him and really want to make this work. In other words, show some self restraint and make him fell relaxed, something I know you're not very good at." Sallem explained teasingly.

"So I have my second date down." Smiled Ryouko slyly. "What about the third date?"

"This is where it gets a bit complicated..." Began Sallem.

**End Flashback

* * *

**_'Sallem was right about this.'_ Thought Ryouko happily. _'Rito is really letting his guard down. Now I just have to wrap this up and start planning the third date. Of course, who's to say that I can't enjoy this a little longer?'_

"Mikado-sensei!" Exclaimed Oshizu as she threw the door open, much to the shock of Rito and Ryouko.

"What is it Oshizu?" Asked Ryouko once she got over her initial shock. _'She's pretty shook-up. Either there's a dog in the house, or something serious happened.'_

"There was a huge car wreck right in front of the house!" She exclaimed.

"What?" Gasped Ryouko. That was serious. "Rito, come with me! I may need an extra set of hands!" She said, quickly taking charge.

"Wha? R-Right." Stammered Rito, who was still getting over his initial shock.

They quickly rushed outside and saw a car wedged into one of the concrete walls acting as fence for the house.

"This was most likely drunk driving." Ryouko observed. "I'm going to try and pull it out." She said as she got a firm grip on both sides of the car.

"Ryouko! Are you crazy?" Exclaimed Rito. "You may be really strong now, but you can't possibly-" He was cut off by Ryouko as she yanked the car out of the wall and even tore the roof of the car off while she was at it. "Sh-She did it." Gasped a very shocked Rito.

"Three people, all male." Ryouko observed. "This car must be an old model, since the crash caused a lot of damage." She said as she hoisted the three men out of the car. Rito gulped nervously when he noticed that all of them were bleeding profusely. "Come on you two! These men need serious medical attention!" She ordered as she rushed inside, Rito and Oshizu followed soon after once they regained their nerves.

* * *

"That was scary." Sighed Rito once they were done providing the medical attention the men needed, and they had needed a lot of attention. Anesthesia, stitches, draining of bodily fluid, blood transfusions, and a few other things that Rito wasn't sure of. And even with all of that, two of them each lost part of one of their arms, and the third one had lost both of his legs. Needless to say, they weren't very happy when they woke-up, but that was partially due to the hangovers they had.

_'Ryouko was right about this being a case of drunk driving.'_ Rito observed. _'At least they're okay, even if their lives have just been seriously messed-up. Hopefully they'll be able to adjust.'_ It was then he noticed Ryouko walking out of her surgery room, some blood staining her clothes.

"That was pretty tough." She sighed. "I've never had to operate on three people at once. I'm sorry Rito," She said as she turned to her date. "It seems our date was interrupted by this little accident."

"No, it's okay." Replied Rito. "These people needed help, and you are a doctor after all."

"I suppose I am." She consented. "Now if you'll excuse me, I have to change and take a shower to get all this blood out. You can go home now, I can handle everything from here."

"Alright." Replied Rito uneasily as he made his way to the door. "Ryouko," He said as he suddenly turned back, getting the woman's attention. "That was... really impressive." He said with a slight blush. "You have a tough job, and sometimes it's hard on both you and your patients. You have a lot of responsibility on your shoulders. This date was... nice." He said before he quickly rushed out the door.

"Well, I suppose I can call this date a bigger success than I thought it would be." Observed Ryouko happily.

* * *

"For the last time I did** not** plan for this to happen." Growled Sallem on the phone in front of the car crash at Ryouko's house. "I may be criminally insane, but even I have standards. They fluctuate wildly and with no rhyme or reason, but I have them nonetheless... Yes I want to see the progress made by the others." He said as a holographic screen popped out of his phone, right in front of his face.

* * *

**On the Streets Somewhere  
**

"My sister was right," Said Haruna as she walked back to the apartment where she and her sister lived. "I really did need a walk to clear my head."

"I can't believe this!" Exclaimed an angry voice from Haruna's left, causing her to turn to the source of the sound in shock. "That bastard thinks he can get away with treating me like this. I'm not that kind of girl!" The person mumbled before shouting again in outrage. The person was a girl wearing a black kimono-like shirt with a short skirt and a large red bow tying a band around her stomach. She had red protective gloves used for fighting on her hands, and had her pink hair tied in a ponytail on the left side of her head. She didn't look any older than Haruna, and was much less developed than many of the women Haruna called her friends.

Feeling courageous, Haruna decided to see what was wrong with the girl. "Um, excuse me." She began, getting the attention of the angry girl.

"What?" The pinkette snapped at her, causing Haruna to second guess herself at what to do with this girl.

"Well, you seemed pretty angry, and I was wondering if there was something I could do to help." Haruna explained.

"Tch, unless you know how to make someone who's more confused than should be allowed sane, I don't see how." The pinkette scoffed.

"What do you mean by confused?" Haruna asked.

"Well, there's this guy..." The pinkette murmured, suddenly rather nervous and taken aback. "And, well, he's got problems."

"What kind of problems?" Asked Haruna, as she began to grasp the situation this girl was in.

"Well, at first I thought he was just confused about his, er... preferences." She explained red-faced. "But then I find out that he's not really confused about that... but he's just confused about how much he wants."

"How much he wants of what?" Haruna asked, becoming more and more curious and baffled by what this girl was saying.

"W-W-W-... Women!" Exclaimed the pinkette. "He-He wants more than just me! He's not satisfied with just me! It was bad enough when I thought that the competition was just a few small obstacles that he didn't really care about, but now he's saying that he loves all three of us, and I don't know what to do!" She panicked frantically.

"W-Wants all three of you?" Haruna asked, unsure of what she'd just heard. "You mean like... polygamy?" The pinkette nodded feverishly. Haruna took a long pause to think this over, the pinkette twitching and shaking all the while. "Well, I-I ran into a similar problem recently." She admitted.

"You did?" Asked the pinkette, suddenly very interested in what Haruna might have to say.

"Yes. One of my friends likes the same boy I do, and... well... now the nurse at my school likes him too, and-" She said before...

"So you're mad about it, right?" Assumed the pinkette. "You're mad that some other people are after what you want, and you want them out of the way?"

"No, no!" Panicked Haruna as she waved her hands in front of her face. "I mean, they're all my friends, and I'm sure we all like him, and none of us want to be disappointed, but... it would be nice if... if we could all just... get what we wanted, without anyone's feelings getting hurt." She murmured at the end.

"So let me get this straight," Said the pinkette sternly after a stunned pause. "You want this boy, but you're not willing to hurt any other people in your way to get him?" She recieved a nod. "That's just stupid! You're basically saying that you want this guy to be with all of you! Do you really want to have to share him?" Haruna was silent for at least a good minute after this.

"W-Well... I'm not sure." Haruna replied uneasily. "I mean, it would be nice if it was just me and him, but..." She trailed off as she remembered all of the good times that she's had with Rito, Lala, and everyone else. "Maybe... it... wouldn't be so bad if we could all get what we want. They are all my friends after all." The pinkette just stared at her, mouth agape until...

"YOU'VE GOTTA BE KIDDING ME!" She exclaimed. "You mean that you don't care if other women get the attention of the man you love?"

"W-Well, it's not that I don't care... It's just that... everyone else has an opinion and a life that matter too... If everyone else wants this, I guess... something like that could be nice." Haruna said bashfully.

"Well... When you put it that way... I guess it's something to think about, if nothing else." Murmured the pinkette.

"I'm glad I could help." Said Haruna. "You've even helped me a little too."

"Yeah, I guess we could both stand to learn a lesson, whatever the hell it is." Grumbled the pinkette. "Say, what's your name?"

"Haruna. Yours?" She said as she held out her hand.

"Benitsubasa." The pinkette replied as she grabbed the outstretched hand a shook it.

* * *

**On Another Street Somewhere**

"Who does that new student think he is?" Growled Yui as she walked back home from the grocery store. "He drugs the teacher, launches himself into the school with a cannon, violates the dress code, cuts class, and then frames the principal. Granted, the principal **was** about to put cameras in the girl's changing room, but he hadn't put them in yet by the time we got to him."

"Excuse me." Said someone as Yui felt a tap on her shoulder.

"What is it?" Yui asked as she turned around to see who it was, and was rather shocked at what she saw.

The girl she saw was wearing a tattered black kimono over her bandaged body. She had disheveled white hair, chalk-white skin and narrow eyes giving her a slightly Grim Reaper-like appearance. She also wore a large spiked dog collar around her neck and had gauntlets with scythe-like blades for fingers. Seeing those made Yui check her shoulders frantically for cut marks, thankfully, there were none.

"Do you think you could help me find this person?" The pale girl said as she held out a photo. "I was told to meet this person here."

"L-L-Let me see that." Stammered Yui as she grabbed the photo, still a little freaked-out by the pale girl's appearance. "Wait a second..." She said when she saw the photo. "This is me!"

"It is?" Asked the pale girl as she looked between Yui and the photo. "Oh, it is." She just noticed.

"What do you want with me? I don't even know you!" Said Yui, a little louder than she needed to.

"Is there a boy you like?" The pale girl asked. "Someone clumsy with orange hair? I was told to talk to you about that."

"Wh-Where did that come from?" Stammered Yui, wondering how and why this girl had just given her an accurate description of Rito (aside from the part about liking him, which wasn't true, but we all know that's just her denial talking). "Why would anyone tell you to talk to me about that?"

"I don't know," Replied the pale girl. "I was just told to tell you that he's got a lot of other women after him, and that you should start thinking about sharing him." She deadpanned.

"H-H-H-How shameless!" Exclaimed Yui red-faced, finally drawing some stares from the people around them, making Yui even more red-faced. "Do you have any idea what you're talking about?" She hissed.

"I think it's called polygamy." Answered the pale girl. "Based on experience, it's actually rather nice once you get used to it." Yui just starred at her like she was some kind of freak (well, more of a freak actually).

"Ex-Experience?" Questioned Yui nervously. "What kind of experience do you have? Who are you anyway?"

"I'm married, and my name is Haihane." The pale girl answered her questions, before jumping onto the rooftops, causing everyone to stare in shock.

"Wh-What just happened?" Asked a suddenly fearful Yui.

* * *

**On a Spaceship**

"This is a very good book." Observed Yami-chan as she turned a page in a book she was reading. All of a sudden she felt an intruder on her ship, a skill she'd gained during her time as an assassin. "Who's there?" She demanded as she turned to her intruder, only to find nothing there.

"My, my," Came a taunting feminine voice from behind her, prompting her to about face again, though this time she had transformed her hair into blades, as she knew that someone with the skill to move behind her so fast without her noticing would be a challenge. "A very interesting ability you have there," The woman before her observed, a longsword in her hand blocking the blades aimed at her. She wore a tight black leather top and miniskirt, stockings, and over her shoulders was a gray cape. As for her physical features, she easily had the body of a very decent model, though there was nothing overly exaggerated about her figure, and she had long blondish gray hair tied up in a ponytail in the back and gray narrow eyes. Yami-chan could easily tell that those were the eyes of an experienced killer, more so than she was. But her eyes held something else in them, something Yami-chan couldn't quite identify. "It's a good thing my husband warned me about that power beforehand."

"You're married." Said Yami-chan as she pulled her blades away from the unknown killer. It wasn't a question, but the unknown killer nodded anyway.

"Yes, my husband Sallem told me to come over and give you a little present." The unknown killer explained as she held out a rather large box that Yami-chan hadn't noticed was there. Yami-chan was back on full guard immediately. "Don't worry, it's not a bomb or anything like that," Teased the unknown killer. "And I'd appreciate it if you'd put those things away. I left my violent ways behind me once I tied the knot."

_'That would explain the look in her eyes.'_ Observed Yami-chan. _'She's obviously killed far more people than I have, yet she's trying to leave all that behind her.'_ Yami-chan wasn't really all that surprised by it. Many assassins, warriors, and other killers often left behind their violent ways once they got to be too much for them and they started to question themselves. From what she had heard, most either got cold feet by their 50th kill, or ignored whatever conscience they had left and went on killing. Yami-chan herself had killed 78 people in her career, and she hadn't doubted her way of life once. Though she had to admit, she** was** taking her time with killing Rito.

"What are you doing here?" Yami-chan asked as she took the box.

"Like I said, my husband sent me here to deliver a package." Responded the unknown killer evenly. "After that, I'm off." In spite of her words, she didn't make a move to leave.

"You want me to open the box." Said Yami-chan. Again, it wasn't a question, and again, the unknown killer nodded in response to her not-question. Deciding that she most likely couldn't trust this woman; she placed the box on the ground, stepped a fair distance away, and opened it with her hair. When a few seconds passed and it didn't blow-up, Yami-chan decided it was safe to approach. What she saw in the box was unusual, though not enough to surprise her. "'Black Cat', 'Rurouni Kenshin'." She said as she observed the titles on some of the manga inside the box.

"I think I should be going now." Said the unknown killer suddenly as she got out a remote.

"Wait," Said Yami-chan. "Who are you? You have the eyes of a professional killer, yet I've never heard of you."

The unknown killer smiled evilly at her and said. "Karasuba Cortez." She pressed a button on her remote, and she was gone, leaving a stunned and speechless Yami-chan.

"Karasuba... Cortez..." Said Yami-chan slowly. "Sallem... Cortez..." She said as she connected the dots. "I'm in trouble." She observed bluntly.

* * *

**Back at Ryouko's House**

"Yo ho ho ho ho ho!" Laughed Sallem as he watched everything unfold from his perch on the totaled car in the wall. "Looks like everything is proceeding according to plan. I just** love** stacking the deck, but not as much as I love my sweet Sekirei." He cooed playfully. "I can't wait to see how this all plays out!" He exclaimed maniacally, before bursting into laughter. "YO HO HO HO HO HO HO HO!"

* * *

Hope you all liked this chapter! If anyone thinks I should move this to the crossover section, speak now, or forever hold your peace.


	11. New Roommates

Hello! I own nothing! There's not much else to say here.

* * *

_'That was really intense.'_ Thought Rito as he walked home. _'I've never really thought about it before, but Ryouko really does have a tough job. She has to fix people up, and sometimes she fails. Sometimes people die.'_ He knew that he shouldn't be thinking about this, but he couldn't help himself. _'When her patients die, I suppose she has to break the news to any friends and family they may have. I'm pretty sure that something big like that doesn't usually happen, since she runs a small clinic, but it's something to think about.'_

_'Maybe that's **why **she runs such a small clinic, because she doesn't want to have to deal with that stuff, and since she seems so relaxed all the time, even right after she had to tell three people that their lives have just been screwed-up, she must have experience with this stuff.'_ He couldn't help but wonder why she would be used to it, until he remembered something. _'She used to be with the mafia, or at least worked with them on occasion, so she's probably had a pretty rough life so far,' _He sighed as he ran his hand through his hair. _'She's probably had it worse than I've ever had it, and yet she's still kept a positive attitude every time I've seen here. Whereas I complain and yell whenever things go wrong for me. I wonder why she has it so easy when I don't.'_ He thought as he opened his front door.

"I'm home." He said to let everyone know he was back. Suddenly he smelled something really good emanating from the kitchen. "Mmmm~. I wonder what Mikan's cooking that smells so good."

"I'm not cooking anything." Said Mikan as she suddenly appeared behind him.

"M-M-Mikan! Don't sneak-up on me like that!" Startled Rito, who hadn't noticed her until she spoke-up and scared the crap out of him, until he realized what she said. "Wait. If you're not cooking, then who is?"

"Check the kitchen and find out." She replied with a mischievous smirk that Rito **really **didn't like.

"Well, okay." He said a little stiffly as he walked to the kitchen. He didn't know what to expect, but what he saw in there was definitely **not **it. "I don't see anything." He said as he looked around. Well, that wasn't entirely true. There were some pots and pans with various contents on the stove, but no one was manning them. "Whoever is cooking should know not to leave the burners on when they're not around." He said as he went to turn them off until...

"Excuse me!" Said a tiny, somewhat garbled voice from nowhere, startling Rito. "But my friend is cooking for everyone right now. I'd appreciate it if you'd leave the burners alone."

"Wh-Who said that?" Asked Rito nervously. "Where are you?"

"I'm right here!" Came the voice again, this time, Rito could tell that it was to his left and turned to see who it was.

Whatever it was looked like a tiny metallic TV with tiny spikes for arms, orange dots legs, and a propeller attached to a stick on his head. The 'screen' of the TV was orange, with a black dot for a left eye, and a black dot on a larger white circle for a right eye.

"Wh-Wh-Wh-What are you?" Exclaimed Rito, even though he knew that the TV was most likely one of Lala's inventions.

"Oh!" Went the flying TV robot. "I'm sorry for not introducing us properly!" The TV flew over to the stove, where Rito noticed something was on the brim of what looked like a custom pot, given that the pot had a wide brim and a** ladder** of all things on it.

Standing on the brim of the pot like it was a walkway was another small robot, completely metallic colored this time. It had a battery-like body, stick-like arms and legs, a head resembling a circular plastic container, black dots for eyes, and a black electric plug coming out of his, for want of a better word, but.

"This is my friend Chibi-Robo," The TV explained. "And I'm his manager..." He began dramatically before...

"Chibi-Robo?" Asked Rito quizzically, cutting off the TV. "That's a pretty self-explanatory name."

"Telly Vision..." Mumbled the TV, sad that he didn't get to introduce himself.

"Oh, sorry," Apologized Rito once he took notice of Telly's sorrow. "I didn't mean to cut you off, er, Telly Vision, was it?"

"Oh! Well that's okay." Bowed Telly, which was kinda weird since it looked more like him swinging his head backwards. "I guess Chibi-Robo really does stand out more than I do, since he does most of the work. And you can just call me Telly."

"Nice to meet you Telly," Greeted Rito. "So I'm guessing that you two are some more of Lala's inventions."

"Oh, no, we're not." Replied Telly. "We were actually created by-" He began before...

"Me~." Came a grizzly, grave, and cold sounding voice from directly to Rito's left, sending chills up his spine, and making him shakily turn to its source, when...

"GAHHHH!" Exclaimed Rito fearfully when he saw the scared face of his new classmate, Sallem Cortez.

"Yo ho ho ho ho ho!" Laughed Sallem at Rito's reaction. "You should see the look on your face! Yo ho ho ho, that gag never gets old!"

"Wh-Wh-What are you doing here?" Rito exclaimed.

"I asked your family if me and a few acquaintances of mine could stay here during our three month stay on this planet, and they all said yes." He explained.

"THEY DID WHAT?" Rito exclaimed.

"Quiet down Rito." Complained Mikan as she and Lala walked in. "They've already expanded Momo, Nana, and Lala's part of the house to accommodate them, and they've already paid for their stay here. Not to mention that they paid a **lot**."

"You mean this is some matter of money?" Complained Rito. "Why didn't I get a say in this?"

"You weren't here." Argued Sallem effortlessly. "Besides, do you have any idea how much you can buy for 50kg of 24 carat gold?"

"You paid that much!"

"That was Nana's reaction too." Said Lala cheerfully.

"And besides," Began Sallem. "It's just; me, Chibi and Telly, my three wives, my band, and their girlfriends. Just Twenty-two people, some of them will be staying in their rooms, and half of them aren't even really people." He explained as if it were nothing big, though Rito's face was one of shock, astonishment, and some degree of horror.

"Three wives... Twenty-two people..." Strained out Rito. He was about to comment further when...

"Do you have a problem with a man having three wives?" Came a cold and dangerous voice from behind him, as a blade was held up to his neck. Paralyzing Rito in shock.

"Karasuba," Scolded Mikan. "I told you not to try and hurt Rito when he comes home."

"Sorry Mikan," Apologized Karasuba as she removed her blade from a grateful Rito's neck and walked over to the stove. "But I just couldn't help but take offense when he sounded like he disapproved of my relationship with my husband and sister-wives. I guess I'm just turning into some kind of overly loving housewife."

Slowly overcoming his fear from his close encounter with death, Rito looked over at the stove to see who it was this 'Karasuba' person was. When he saw her profile looking over the stove, he couldn't help a blush that worked its way onto his face at how much like a model her face, figure, and everything else about her but her sword were. He also noticed how much like a housewife the scene made her look like. _'Mom would probably love to have her as one of her models.'_ He thought.

"Enjoying the view?" Sallem asked as he slung his arm over Rito's shoulder, his scar in full view, making him look like some crazed psycho. "Well I sure hope you aren't even looking, since she's mine." He said as he cast a glare at a suddenly shaking Rito. He kept his glare on Rito for a few seconds before... "Yo ho ho ho," He chuckled. "I'm just kidding, it's okay if you look. What good is having such a hot wife if you can't show her off every once in a while, right?" Rito just nodded nervously, not really wanting to argue with a man who looked like he could kill him without hesitation. "Hey Chibi, is dinner done?" He asked, turning to the stove.

Chibi turned to Sallem flipped open the 'lid' of his head, and a white sign with a green exclamation point on it popped out, before it closed again.

"Do you need any help to set the table?"

Chibi opened his head again, only this time a sign with a red cancel sign on it popped out. Chibi then pointed to Mikan and then Karasuba.

"We already agreed to help him with that." Said Karasuba, as she and Mikan began setting the table.

"Hey Gong," Said Sallem as he knocked on a small gong on the table, which then opened its **eyes**, much to Rito's shock! "Do you think you could call everyone down for dinner?"

The gong floated up and nodded, before the gong on its head suddenly started sounding off.

"Finally, dinner." Sighed a pink haired girl that wasn't Nana or Momo as she, a chalk-white girl, and Nana and Momo walked in.

"Are Chibi's meals really all that good?" Nana asked the pale girl skeptically.

"Sallem programed him and Telly himself." Replied the pale girl. "Not to mention that Sallem gets some of the best ingredients you can find in some place called 'The Gourmet World'."

"As well as some of the other ingredients from around the rest of the planet where I get most of the food I eat." Added Sallem. "Being the kind of guy I am, I settle for nothing less than the best."

"You mean we're eating food from other planets tonight?" Asked Rito fearfully, having had nothing but bad experience with alien food in the past (thanks to Lala), Rito was afraid of what was in store for him tonight. However, something else got his attention as well. "Say, who are you two?" He asked the two people he didn't know.

"Ah, where are my manners?" Remarked Sallem as he slung his arms around the two girls he didn't know, much to their embarrassment, given the slight blushes they had. "Rito, I'd like to introduce you to my three wives. This is Benistubasa," He said as he hoisted the pinkette on his right shoulder. "This is Haihane," He said as he hoisted the, now less than pale girl on his left shoulder. "And you've already met Karasuba." He said as he put down the two girls on his shoulders, and looked over to the woman who'd held Rito at sword point just moments ago. "Look all you want, but if you touch you're dead." He said cheerfully.

Rito couldn't help but stare at his scar and think that he'd really follow through on that threat if he had to. Too scared to say anything else, he noticed something odd.

"Where's that music coming from?" He asked, right before a bunch of other instruments floated into the kitchen, much to his shock. "Wh-Wh-What are those?" He asked nervously.

"And now I get to introduce my band." Said Sallem happily. "Everyone! Line-up!" He commanded as he clapped his hands, and they quickly got in line.

They all looked like some kind of wood sculptures with eyes. From left to right, their specific appearances were.

A short cylinder that was blue on the right half of its face, red on the left half of its face, had pick-like 'teeth', and had a crown of tall, rectangular picks on its head;

Three maracas, one with a crown of purple feathers attached to a gem on its forehead, one with green feathers spread around the top of its head, and one with red feathers trailing down the back of its head;

The gong that Rito had seen earlier, it was basically a short box with shoehorn-like horns, with a gold-colored gong attached to them by thick threads;

A banjo with a messy top of dull-yellow feathers;

A sphere with thread woven like sharp teeth, a beard of blue, yellow, and green feathers, a blue right eyelid and a slightly smaller red left eyelid, and three striped flute-like pipes coming out of the top of its head;

A wide rectangle with a fish-bone-like body;

An upside-down cone with the tip cut off and replaced with a frilly collar, and an accordion-like top with a red feather on top;

Except for the maracas, they all had black, branch-like arms, most of which had pointed fingers, but the gong and fish-bone-like one had spheres for hands.

"Rito," Began Sallem. "I'd like to introduce you to; Kalimba, Maracas, Gong, Banjo, Panflute, Xylophone, and Accordion," He said as he gestured to them from left to right, Maracas referring to all three maracas. "They're my personal band."

For a few seconds, Rito just stared. "Wh-What are they?" He asked, half expecting the answer to be something like, "They're aliens stupid. What did you think?"

"From what I can gather, which is always quite a bit," Began Sallem. "They're magical tikis made out of bananas. I saved them after their old master covered them in banana juice, turned them into giant hands, and then lost a fight to an ape and a monkey. They were a bit mistrustful of me at first, but they warmed-up to me rather quickly, especially once I helped them get some nice girlfriends that some rich maniac was using as pawns in some twisted game for his entertainment. My wives were also pawns in that game once, and the maniac who was playing game master to all those poor girls is now serving a life sentence in solitary with no chance of parole and no special treatment, just in case you were wondering."

For a moment, Rito just stared at him like he was plain just crazy, until he realized that he'd seen and heard crazier things since Lala entered his life (though not much crazier).

"Don't worry about them Rito," Said Sallem. "They'll mostly come down only to get food, and spend most of their time in their rooms with their new gals. They don't really do well around strangers, after all." As he said this, Rito noticed the tikis gathering up several trays of food, and going back upstairs. "See, what did I tell ya? They're still getting to know their new girlfriends, so they're not spending much time with anyone else for now. I doubt you'll even notice they're here half of the time."

Rito, unsure of what to do, just decided that he'd already had enough trouble for one day, and that he'd probably just get himself into more trouble by opening his mouth again (OMG! He's learning!). For now, he just wanted to eat dinner and go to bed.

* * *

Sorry this chapter took so long. I've gotten sucked into watching more anime recently. Don't count on weekly updates, but don't rule them out either. I'll probably have more time to write during Summer, and if my calculations are correct, I should be at least halfway through Vol.2 of this story by then, and Vol.3 will be shorter. The best I can guess is that I'll have all four volumes finished by the end of summer. But don't hold me to that.


	12. The Talk

Hello again! Update time~! Update time~! Please post some reviews to my work! I own nothing but my Fanfictions and I'd like to see some appreciation for them!

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"School's probably going to be tough today." Mused Rito sadly. After all, his house just got Twenty-two new boarders, four of which scared him half to death. "But then again, I suppose it's been tough for a while now, hasn't it?" He realized as he recalled what happened last night.

* * *

**Flashback**

"Don't worry Rito," Reassured Sallem. "School's going to be a walk in the park for me. My I.Q. is over 10,000 after all!" He boasted.

"If you're really that smart and you run your own company, then what are you doing at an Earth school?" Rito asked as he hesitantly bit into the fish that Chibi-Robo had cooked. His eyes shot open as he exclaimed. "This is amazing! What is it?" Based on the looks on the faces of everyone else, the feeling was mutual.

"It's called King Land Shark," Explained Sallem, making an effort to dodge Rito's first question. "A great delicacy from the Gourmet World, and the fish dish of Jiro, one of the planet's greatest Gourmet Hunters."

"'Gourmet World'? 'Gourmet Hunter'? 'Fish dish'? What are you talking about?" Asked Mikan.

"It's a long story, but the gist of it is that there's a planet with incredible foods out there, and to be able to gather some of the more 'dangerous' ingredients, and make a decent full course meal out of some of the foods you find is considered quite an accomplishment." Sallem explained, putting an unnerving tone on 'dangerous'.

"What do you mean 'dangerous'?" Asked Rito nervously.

"Kill you seven or more times before you have time to blink 'dangerous'." Explained Sallem to a very nervous crowd, minus his wives and Lala. "But given my modifications, I can easily take on any plants, animals, and climates that planet has to dish out and keep on kicking for days."

"Modifications?" Asked Lala quizzically. "Are you really a machine?"

"There's no way." Said Nana. "Don't you remember that he used to be a lot shorter when we were little kids? Machines may wear down with age, but they don't grow-up."

"Yes and no." Sallem continued as if Nana hadn't said anything, which kinda pissed her off. "A few years ago, when I discovered The Gourmet World, I got tired of the limitations of my physically weak body, and decided to have it modified." All present except his wives just stared at him. "I've had approximately 88% of my body replaced with machinery. I've become what you might refer to as a cyborg." He explained as he took off his scarf, revealing a clearly mechanical neck underneath.

"That's just creepy." Shuddered Nana while Rito nodded, showing he agreed with her.

"I actually think it's kinda cool." Said Mikan.

"Well, since you seem to like the fish so much, I'll be sure to have Chibi make some more dishes from the full courses of Jiro and many others." Said Sallem as he brought his food up to the gaping hole in the side of his face and ate it, much to the disgust of most present. "The Soup Dish, Consommé Magma. The Meat Dish, Ashurasaurus. The Main Dish, ET-Rice. All of these dishes and many more will be cooked and served by Chibi over the course of my stay." He explained dramatically as he took a drink.

"If we get to eat more food like this, I'm not complaining." Said Mikan.

"Wha're you looken' ah', UH?" Slurred Sallem.

"Huh?" Said Rito, and everything just snowballed from there.

**End Flashback

* * *

**

"Who knew that Sallem had such a low alcohol tolerance?" Asked Rito of the air.

"I did." Groaned Sallem in response, shocking Rito at his sudden appearance, especially with the way he looked.

Rito had to admit that, even though he knew Sallem was an alien, he didn't expect him to have such a bizarre appearance. In his school uniform, Rito noticed that, in addition to his mechanical neck that he'd seen yesterday, his elbows and some of the surrounding area were also mechanical, but he could sorta brush those aside, since he already knew he was a cyborg. And his drooping posture was easily explainable by his evident hangover. But his most striking features by far had to be the pointed, furry ears on top of his head, and the bushy, brown tail coming out of his pants and drooping down to the floor.

"Before the topic about my ears and tail arise, let me just say that my people evolved from canines, not felines." Sallem groaned as he clutched his head in pain. "And before you say anything else, could you tell me what happened last night? I can never quite recall what happens when I get drunk aside from the taste of the alcohol." Rito just looked at him uneasily, clearly showing that he didn't want to discuss it. "That bad, huh?" Rito just nodded.

"You don't know the half of it." Said Mikan mischievously as she walked to the door. "You got really preachy about how much you loved your 'Precious Misseses' and let's just say their reactions were entertaining to say the least."

"How entertaining? Urgh!" Grunted Sallem, not showing any emotion except discomfort over his hangover.

"Haihane and Benistubasa were happily kissing you all over your face **well** before you were done, and Karasuba nearly ravished you on the floor when you were finished." She explained to a surprisingly straight faced Sallem, whereas Rito was tomato-red just thinking about it. "If we hadn't gotten Lala to help get her off of you, who knows how far it would've gone."

"That's not surprising." Deadpanned Sallem, still hunched over with a hangover. "I've been told that I'm surprisingly poetic when I'm drunk."

"Who told you that?" Asked Rito curiously.

"Karasuba, when I was still wooing her, as well as various other people who had some serious problems. Did I give you any ideas?" He asked Rito as they walked out the door.

"Er, well, I wouldn't say, er... Where's Lala?" Rito asked as he sped-up, obviously trying to change the subject and get away from Sallem.

"I drained Peke's batteries, so she'll be late." Said Sallem nonchalantly, Rito opened his mouth to scold him but... "I needed to get some time alone with you." He explained. "First of all, I know about how you're Lala's official fiance, or at least that's what her old man said the last time I saw him, which was last week, in case you were wondering." Rito looked a bit angry, and was about to try and complain again until... "However, that guy's too stubborn, self-obsessed, and short-sighted to really make any good judgment calls regarding matters of relationships. If you've seen what some of Lala's other fiance candidates were like, then you know what I'm talking about."

Rito couldn't help but agree with him completely. He'd met three of Lala's other fiance candidates, and two of them were the lowest-of-the-low in both his and Lala's opinions. He didn't much care for Ren either, but he wasn't as bad as the other two, though one out of three isn't exactly a good figure either.

"At any rate," Sallem continued. "I wanted to ask about your relationship with Lala. Though I may be; legally insane, rather violent whenever the chance arises, a poker buddy to some very evil people, and a complete monster to those I don't like... What was I talking about again?" He asked a shaking Rito.

"Errr, something about Lala?" Rito guessed. His mind had momentarily scrambled when Sallem mentioned some of his flaws.

"Right." Remembered Sallem. "Anyway, she's an old friend of mine, and I wanted to know what you think of her as, since I know that she sees you as the perfect guy, and I try to look out for those who mean something to me."

"Er, well..." Rito trailed off, uncertain as to whether or not he could trust this man who had just called himself insane.

"You can trust me, I'm on medication right now anyway." Sallem said suddenly, shocking Rito, who suddenly thought that Sallem might be able to read minds. "I can't read minds, I'm just really good at guessing what people are thinking," He explained to Rito, who was unsure as to whether or not his comment should make him more or less suspicious about whether or not he can read minds. "But even so, I find it much more polite not to guess at what people are thinking whenever I can help it, and prefer to ask them about the issues at hand upfront, instead of prying into personal things without permission. In other words, if a person who can easily get any answers he wants decides to **ask** about something, instead of figuring it out for themselves, doesn't that show that you can trust them to some degree?" He phrased eloquently.

"Well, I guess you have a point." Consented Rito.

"Of course I do." Said Sallem confidently. "I'm a businessman, Rito. I have to talk smooth, and make good decisions for a living. The many inventions and medical techniques I developed are just the tip of my expertise. So why don't you tell me about Lala and any other girls you may have in your life?" He teased.

"Wh-What do you mean 'other girls'?" Rito stuttered.

"One." Sallem marked off, holding up his right index finger. "There you go again, wearing your emotions on your sleeve for the world to see. Even if I try not to notice it, it's so obvious that you have more than one woman in your life." Rito suddenly felt his face flush with embarrassment at how accurate he was. "Two." He marked off, raising his middle finger. "I have three wives, so I'm naturally curious as to how many significant others someone might or might not have. It's not too often that I come across someone else with an eye for polygamy, so I try to be on the lookout for people in a similar relationship that I'm in who I can relate to." He explained.

"Well, er, I," Rito began nervously. "You're right." He sighed. "I do have feelings for two girls." He conceded, knowing that there was no point in trying to hide anything from this man. Even though he didn't know much about Sallem, Rito was expecting either teasing words of encouragement for his feelings for two women, or genuine understanding and words of wisdom from someone who has experience with polygamy. What he was not expecting however, was what happened.

"Yo ho ho ho ho ho." Sallem chuckled. "Yo ho ho ho ho ho ho ho!" He burst into a boisterous fit of laughter. "Only two? Rito, my friend, you have to aim higher than that!" Rito face-faulted at that. "Listen. I once met a guy who had eight wives. EIGHT! And I myself have three! If you really want to say that you have problems, like you so obviously want to, you're going to have to get five women. AT LEAST! Yo ho ho ho ho ho!"

"Stop laughing at me!" Exclaimed Rito._ 'And here I thought you might have something smart to say.'_ He thought as he sighed.

"I do have something smart to say." Replied Sallem at Rito's thought, shocking the poor boy. "Forgive me for guessing, correctly I might observe, about what you wanted from me, but I've seen and heard reactions like yours before, and it was just too obvious what you wanted." He apologized wholeheartedly. "If you want my advice, which you do, whether you know it or not, it'd be best for you to just listen to what your heart wants."

"But what it wants is two women." Half sighed, half deadpanned Rito.

"So then go for both of them." Sallem said bluntly, Rito's brain and body just ground to a screeching halt as his face contorted into a mixture of shock, disbelief, and fear. "Very interesting reaction." Sallem observed jokingly. "Rito, let me explain something to you. The fact of the matter is that some people just aren't made to be content with one significant other. I'm living proof of that. Tell me, how many women within a few years of your age do you know, who aren't related to you, and don't already have someone they really like?"

"Uhhh, how many do I know?" Rito repeated. "Well, uh, let's see-"

**BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!**

"DON'T THINK!" Barked Sallem, his gun-smoke spewing right fingers to the air. "Number them off the top of your head!"

"S-S-Six! I can number six!" Exclaimed Rito fearfully.

"And who are they?" Growled Sallem. "Given names only."

"Well, there's Lala-"

**BANG!**

"I already know that one!" Barked Sallem.

"R-R-Right! Th-There's also Haruna!" He said fearfully, hoping it wouldn't set him off again.

"Lala told me about her." Sallem said in an emotionless, almost bored tone.

"And then there's Y-Yami-chan."

"Mikan told me that Golden Darkness had come to this planet to kill you, but so far all she's done is make friends and beat you only half to death." He chuckled, somewhat amused.

"And Yui."

"Who's that?" He acted.

"This one really strict girl in my class. She's the one who scolded you about coming into school the way you did."

"I remember her." Hummed Sallem. "Next."

"R-R-Ryouko." Rito stammered, remembering that he'd gone on two dates with her, and had three more to go.

"Oh yes, the infamous mafia doctor. I've heard that she was in the area." Sallem said as if he wasn't already aware of Ryouko's involvement in all this.

"And then there's Run." He explained, glad that was finally over with.

**BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!**

He was wrong.**  
**

"Don't. Even. Think about it." Sallem growled menacingly (well, more menacingly anyway).

"Wh-Wh-Wh-Wh-What do you mean?" Quivered Rito.

"Run is a bratty, greedy, conniving, insensitive, little bitch, who would gladly hurt anyone in the way of what she wants, without any regard as to how her actions might hurt others, and Ren is just the same. I've pulled horrible, horrible, painful pranks on those two for years now because of what bastards they both are. I can guarantee that anyone who winds-up with either her or her other half will be a very unhappy person." Sallem growled. "Of course, that's provided they manage to get very far with anyone in the first place, which I doubt. Especially if I have anything to say about it, which, fortunately for you, I do." He joked.

Rito was still shaking fearfully when he realized that something weird was going on (well, weirder anyway). "Why did you ask me to list off all of those people?" He asked in equal parts suspicion and caution. Sallem just grinned evilly, scaring Rito even more.

"It should be obvious once you think about it for a few seconds." Explained Sallem slyly as he snickered and walked off. "Now we might want to get going before the cops show up in response to all those gunshots."

"Eh, r-r-right." Rito stammered as he ran to catch-up with Sallem, his words still heavy on his mind._ 'I'll say it's obvious.'_ He panicked. _'This guy's as bad as Momo when it comes to romance... Well, maybe not as bad as her, since he seems to be marking off some girls as no, instead of assuming them all to be yes.'_ He amended._ 'But still, why would I think of those girls right away? Lala, Haruna, and Ryouko I can understand, but Yami-chan, and Yui only pummel and scold me, though I guess that would make them stand out in my mind anyway, and I have no idea how Run would fit in there, she hardly comes to school anymore.'_ Rito wondered. _'I don't know what's going on in his head, and I'm not sure I want to know. Though it's pretty obvious that Run's probably going to get a shorter stick than even I usually do.'_ He observed from what Sallem said today, about horrible pranks, and what Lala said yesterday, about full-body casts.

_'Just as I suspected.'_ Thought Sallem mischievously. _'I'll have to do something to make sure that Run doesn't become a problem, but all-in-all things are looking just like I suspected them to be.'_ He thought as he made a mental checklist; one with pictures of Lala, Haruna, Ryouko, Yami-chan, and Yui on it. _'Rito already has feelings for Lala and Haruna, and vice-verse,'_ He thought as he checked off boxes on each side of Lala and Haruna. _'Ryouko likes him, but he doesn't really feel that way for her, yet anyway,'_ He thought as he checked off a box on one side of Ryouko. _'Yami-chan and Yui, however, I'll need to work on at a later date, though my wives have at least done all that needs to be done with them for now.'_ He thought with a wicked grin on his face. _'As for anyone else, well, Ryouko asked for only five women to get involved, and that's exactly what I was given (he didn't count Run, since he planned for her to never get involved anyway), though I'll have to do something so that Momo, and possibly even Nana, don't become problems in the future.'_ He pondered this question for a fraction of a second before an answer came to him. _'I guess I'll just have to get them with someone else then. And maybe I could find someone, or _someones, _for Zasty while I'm at it. I **do** feel kinda bad that he got caught in the crossfire of my pranks on Ren/Run so many times in the past. I actually kinda like the guy after all.'_

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Hope you all liked this chapter!


	13. 3 is a Magic Number, or 4, or 5, or 6

Alright, I'm getting seriously tired of not getting any reviews for this thing. I work hard on this stuff, the least some of the readers of this story with accounts could do is write at least one review every so often. Don't get me wrong, I'm not going to stop writing just because I'm not getting any reviews. I knew the risks associated with writing a fanfic for such a little trafficked category, and I'll keep writing in this section so long as I have something to say. But I'm running low on steam here. I've already got parts 1, 3, and 4 of this story planned out, but the rough details need work, and I could use some ideas for number 2. I'm not going to give anything away (though I'm certain that most of you've been able to piece together who's going to be involved in those fics already) but I could use some ideas, any ideas really. It could be random as hell, I don't care, just so long as it makes the wheels in my head start turning.

So, without further ado. I present Chapter 13!

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***KNOCK*KNOCK*KNOCK***

_'There's only one person that could be.'_ Thought Rito wistfully as he straightened his necktie. 'Why was he wearing a necktie', you might ask? Well, to understand that, and bring up a few laughs while we're at it, we'll recap the most eventful things from the last few days.

_**

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**_**Flashback - Day 1**

"YO EVERYBODY! SALLEM'S IN THE HOUSE~!" Sallem exclaimed as he walked into the classroom for the first time (seeing as how the last time he came in through the window).

"There you are! I'd like to have a word with-" Yui began, but stopped short when she and everyone else in the classroom saw what Sallem looked like without all his fancy clothes. Sallem just smirked at their reactions.

"Yo ho ho ho ho ho ho ho." Chuckled Sallem. "Are you going to continue that line of thought, or are you just gonna keep staring at my pretty face?" He taunted as he tilted his head upward, showing a certain degree of superiority.

"You-You-You," Gritted Yui. "You may think you're so great, but you're nothing but a delinquent from what I've seen of you so far! Things may be different on whatever planet you're from, but here on Earth we show respect to teachers and classmates!" Nobody seemed to take much notice of the 'planet' comment, telling Sallem that it was most likely that pretty much everyone at this school knew of the existence of aliens, yet for some reason, nobody seemed to be making a big deal of it.

_'Maybe they don't really care, so long as the aliens that attend school here are hot?'_ Sallem briefly wondered as he stared at the ceiling, finding it much more interesting than whatever it was Yui was shouting.

"And don't think that you'll be getting away with anything here from now on!" Continued Yui. "You got lucky yesterday since the principal really **was** going to put cameras in the girl's changing room, but as far as I'm concerned, you're treading on thin ice! And stop ignoring me!" She exclaimed when she realized he wasn't paying her the least bit of attention.

"Did you hear something?" Sallem asked a fearful Rito.

"Look at me!" Demanded Yui. "Meet my gaze!"

"Who?" Sallem asked, suddenly interested. "Those two girls?" He asked, pointing at Risa and Mio.

"Why are we getting dragged into this?" Asked Mio.

"Hold on a second..." Hummed Risa, before her eyes lit up in realization. "Hey! We're not gay!" Mio also suddenly got very angry once she realized what Sallem was implying.

"You are by my eyes," Retorted Sallem. "And I've seen a **lot** of lesbians in my time. Not that there's anything wrong with that, mind you." He quickly added. "Sensei! Can you start class now?" He asked gleefully.

"Er, very well." Said Honekawa-sensei as he began his lesson, effectively cutting off everything else.

If there was one thing Sallem had already learned in this class, it's that once the teacher starts talking, no matter what's going on, everyone else shuts-up. Personally, it made little sense to him, but he used it to his advantage splendidly, regardless.

* * *

** Flashback - Day 2**

"I wish you'd stop causing so many problems at school." Sighed Rito as he and Sallem made their way home.

"Hey, that gym teacher was asking for it." Retorted Sallem. "He told me to 'take off those retarded bangles ya hippie' like some kinda drill sergeant. These happen to be part of my body, thank you very much." He said as he knocked on his left elbow, making a clanking noise.

_'But you shaved his head and left him half naked in the girl's changing room.'_ Thought Rito.

"Not only that, but I also took pictures of the little incident and sent them to the school board as well." Remarked Sallem.

"Stop reading my mind!" Exclaimed Rito.

"But it's so much fun~." Whined Sallem. "It's almost as much fun as this." He said as he put his foot under Rito's leg and gave him a firm push to the left, causing him to fall over into a sight that everyone will agree that he sees **way** too much of already.

Panties.

Black ones.

"Yuuki Rito." Said a soft, monotone voice, though one could easily sense the hidden malice in it.

This was all Rito needed to see and hear to know he's essentially attached to another object by an inclined plane wrapped helically around an axis (or screwed, to those of you who don't speak nerd as well as Sallem).

"Ohhh, so the great assassin Golden Darkness shows herself at last." Grinned Sallem as he quickly pulled Rito away from her panties by his hair. "Y'know Rito, from what I've heard, this happens to you **far** too often." He taunted as he shoved Rito behind him.

"Sallem Cortez." Said Yami-chan in her usual monotone. "I've heard a great deal about you."

"You have, have you?" He goaded.

"In my profession, or any profession for that matter, it would be impossible not to." She rebuked. "You're known as an assassin killer, and everyone who's ever made an attempt on your life has instead met their own end. They say that you've killed over 1,000 assassins." Rito's eyes widened at that.

"919 actually," Sallem replied playfully. "You know how these things tend to get exaggerated, and a fair deal of them were amateurs who either worked cheep, or couldn't find the money to hire somebody else to do it for them. Those weak ones mostly come from people I've run out of business, and the few decent ones I come across are almost **always** from companies I'm** about** to run out of business. Do you have any business with my friend here?" He asked, changing the subject.

"I was not aware he was your friend." Responded Yami-chan. "This will make killing him much more difficult."

Rito wondered what she meant for a moment, before he realized something. _'With Sallem around, Yami-chan won't attack me!'_ He realized with a sigh of relief.

"Not really, me saving him right now is just a one time deal." Sallem said easily, as Rito's jaw dropped, his body froze, and his mind started panicking. "If you see an opening to kill him later on feel free to take advantage of it."

"I see." Remarked Yami-chan. "Very well. I suppose I'll just get back to my book then." She said as she flipped open a book that Rito only just realized she holding.

"Say, isn't that Black Cat?" Noticed Rito, Yami-chan nodded. "That's my favorite manga. What volume are you on?"

"Volume three." Said Yami-chan. "It's an interesting story. However, Train is highly inconsiderate, and a very contemptible character. He reminds me very much of you, Yuuki Rito, but more competent." Rito's expression suddenly got somewhat awkward. He personally found Train to be very cool, and he wasn't sure whether to feel complimented or insulted by the comparison Yami-chan had made.

"I find Sven to be a much better person. Like a mother and a father rolled into one. He makes me wonder what it would be like to have a family." Yami's words struck a chord within Rito, and they also made him somewhat curious. Her words told him that she obviously didn't have any known family to speak of. Truthfully, Rito had never given any thought to what her past was like. He knew that she had to have come from somewhere, it had just never occurred to him to ask about it. And was he imaging it, or did Yami-chan sound somewhat... sad when she said that. Rito decided that it was best not to ask about it, since she would most likely rip him to shreds if he asked.

"And Eve..." Said Yami-chan hesitantly. "Her appearance, personality, and powers are almost exactly like mine. It's as if someone knew all about me and wrote me into a story." Thinking about it, Rito had to admit that she had a very good point. She and Eve were virtually identical in every way. The only thing that differed was the fact that Eve didn't like killing people, whereas Yami-chan made a living from doing it.

"Well, I suppose it's time for us to go, isn't it Rito?" Asked Sallem as he pulled Rito away, rather harshly, by his collar.

What Rito didn't notice, but Yami-chan did, was that Sallem had been observing their whole conversation with keen interest. Yami-chan wasn't aware of what he was searching for, but she didn't like the man scrutinizing her, and she especially didn't like the fact that his expression showed that he had found whatever it was that he was searching for. Not to mention that he was pretty blatant about it, as if he actually **wanted **her to notice that he'd found something in their conversation to be highly interesting.

_'Not good.'_ Yami-chan thought once they'd left.

* * *

**Flashback - Day 3**

"Do you plan to prank somebody **every day**?" Asked Rito as Sallem was laughing his head off at his latest prank as the made their way home.

"Yo ho ho ho ho ho! Of course I do!" Exclaimed Sallem as they came to a stop, all three of his wives violently and mercilessly beat the tar out of the principal in the background. While that was for a completely unrelated matter, it didn't stop Sallem's personal band from recording it like they had done for all of his pranks. "There's nothing like telling Run that some guys were shoving you into the girls changing room in an attempt to frame you for being a pervert, AND THEN DUMPING PEPPER ALL OVER HER FACE ONCE SHE GOT IN THERE! YO HO HO HO HO HO HO HO!" He laughed. "You can hardly recognize the poor boy anymore!"

"Why do you hate Ren and Run so much?" Asked Rito.

"I already explained my reasons a few days ago," Replied an annoyed Sallem. "But I'll repeat myself if I must. Ren and Run have absolutely **no** redeeming qualities, except their appearances, which will no doubt start to degrade rapidly due to the stress of a dwindling fan base and poor education from missing school so much the moment Run's idol career ends. Which, given the standards for idols on this planet, should be the moment they hit Twenty. **If** they somehow manage to make the extremely risky transition from idol to actor/actress or model, then they **might** be saved, but given how they are, I sincerely doubt it. Also, they have several selfish, uncaring, shortsighted, and somewhat malicious tendencies, that would make anyone who has the great misfortune to wind up with either of them a very miserable person." Sallem explained.

"Uhhhhh." Rito went, baffled by how well Sallem had thought this out.

"You can't just judge people by how they are now," Said Sallem in a scholarly tone. "You also have to make predictions about how they will be like in the foreseeable future, and make your decisions based on what kind of person you see them being in a few years. If you suddenly made friends with someone, without thinking about what they'll be like in the future, you might regret it someday if they turn out to be someone who might turn on you later, and you'll be held back from harming them in defense because of your history with them."

"B-But, Ren and Run seem like alright people right now." Stammered Rito.

"That's because you don't look at the little details." Sighed Sallem exasperatedly. "I've know both Ren and Run for years now, and I can honestly say that there's a 10% chance of them becoming nothing more than a spoiled, self-serving, and possibly alcoholic or drug-addicted trophy spouse. While there's a 89% chance of them becoming some faceless, alcoholic or drug addicted, and possibly overweight bum on the streets, or an abandoned building if they get lucky. With a 1% chance of something else happening due to unaccounted for variables." He explained tiredly. "The fact that their home planet of Memorze, of which they **used **to be the next in line to rule, has recently changed to a democratic system with all of the royal family's money going to politics, doesn't help their financial situation much."

"F-Financial!" Stammered Rito.

"I know what you're thinking," Sallem interjected before Rito could say anything. "'He's turning this into a matter of money'. That's what you're thinking. Well I'm not." He said firmly. "Let me put all of what I've just said this way. Would you like to even be associated with someone who; is stuck in a dead-end job, has **no** assets, has little more than a half-assed high school education in a world where most people need at least a few years of college to make a decent living, has a bad personality that will only get worse with time, will totally crash in terms of appearance in less than a decade, will most likely be begging for food and spare change on the streets in a few years, and who is currently trying to have you all to themselves when you're obviously the kind of guy who, and forgive me for saying this, wouldn't be satisfied with just one woman?" He asked sternly, as Rito suddenly noticed all three Maracas were filming the whole thing, and had most likely been there from the start.

Rito's brain was having trouble keeping-up. He'd heard all of what Sallem had said, but it was a nightmare for him to process it. When he finally did, these were the first words to come out of his mouth. "I am not into polygamy!"

"So, you're fixating on that, are you?" Sallem asked snidely, making Rito second guess his choice in words. "Truth be told, I'm glad that you're focusing on that first." He said as his wives gathered around him, done with beating-up the principal, who's body was blocked by mosaics for some reason, though Rito could see some splashes of blood here and there.

"Y-You are?" Asked Rito fearfully, the sight of Sallem surrounded by very dangerous looking girls making him want to run for the hills.

"Of course he is." Said Haihane in a somewhat amused tone, though with her voice it sounded very menacing. "You're focused on that before anything else right now."

"Which means you're more focused on proving that wrong than anything else." Pointed out Benitsubasa irritably, making her sound like she'd go off at a moment's notice. "I should know, I'm still fighting against the same crap that you're objecting to, and Sallem says I'm just in denial, THOUGH I STILL DON'T BELIEVE IT!"

"You really should give it a chance Rito." Said Karasuba evenly, and for her, that was more than scary enough. "Polygamy isn't much different than monogamy, you just have more people who are closest to you. I actually enjoy it very much."

"We'll give you time to think about it." Said Sallem. "In the mean time, I ran into Ryouko earlier, and she wanted me to give you this." He said as Karasuba handed him a clothing box, which he then gave to Rito. "She said something about 'wanting you to look fancy for your date tonight'."

"D-D-Date! Tonight!" Stammered Rito.

"That's right!" Exclaimed Sallem happily. "She said that there were directions in the box as well, so you'll want to open it up at home so nothing falls out." He said happily as he and his wives began to walk off. "Well, regardless of what you decide, I hope you lead a happy life. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm off to put the finishing touches on setting up Zasty with Saki and her two lackeys."

"Wh-Wh-What?" Exclaimed Rito, hoping he'd heard wrong.

"I'm setting up Zastin with Saki, Aya, and Rin." He repeated. "I feel somewhat guilty that Zastin kept getting caught in the crossfire of some of my pranks on Ren/Run, so I decided to set him up with three girls who would do him some real good."

"B-B-But, how did you manage it?" Rito asked in astonishment.

"Zastin was easy, since he was already so scared of me that he'd do whatever I asked if I told him that I wouldn't harm him." Sallem began. "The girls were a bit more tricky. I had to convince them all that a Devilukian of Zastin's status would never have any less than three women at one time. Since I told them about Zastin being the greatest swordsman on his home planet, as well as an accomplished mangaka assistant, with a great shot of writing his own great manga someday, they were all hooked." He took a pause to chuckle. "Saki already had feelings for him, Rin has respect for his skills as a swordsman, and Aya was interested the moment I mentioned mangaka. The fact that her flunkies are totally loyal to her, combined with the great bond they had, made Rin and Aya even quicker to volunteer for the idea, and Saki quick to accept."

"H-How do you know so much about them?" Rito said fearfully.

"Yo ho ho ho ho ho ho ho!" Guffawed Sallem as he threw his head back and placed his right hand over his face, letting his left eye peek out between the gaps of his fingers menacingly. "Rito, I'm an expert at gathering information! How the hell do you think I got to be where I am today? It wasn't just my genius at figuring out how invent and innovate almost everything I could think of, I'll tell you that much!" Almost instantly, he regained his composure. "Well, if you'll excuse us, we really ought to be getting home." He said as he pulled out a remote, pressed a button on it, and suddenly, he and his three wives were gone.

Rito just stared blankly at the space where the four of them used to be. "I wish Lala's teleporter was as good as his." He muttered to himself, recalling how much trouble her teleporter, as well as several of her other inventions, had caused him and so many others in the past.

**End Flashback**

**

* * *

**"Rito~! Your date is here~!" Sang Sallem loudly from downstairs.

"I'm coming." Sighed Rito as he slowly made his way downstairs. Given how his last two dates with Ryouko were, he hadn't expected her to suddenly ask him out to a suit and tie restaurant. Truth be told, he was a little nervous about how it would all turn out. If it were something else he might not feel this way, but given the fact that she'd made him dress-up, he was rather nervous about what she would be wearing. Modesty wasn't exactly very high on her priority list after all.

Hoping for the best, while preparing for the worst, he opened the front door and braced himself for whatever might await him.

* * *

Cliffhanger! I bet you were hoping for some written eye candy this chapter, huh? Well too bad! You're gonna have to wait for the next chapter for that. But if you're into muscle women, and have a vivid imagination, it'll be worth the wait.

Hope you all continue to read this, since I'm running low on views, and therefore motivation and inspiration. Please spread the word of this by either putting it in your favorites, or by telling friends of yours. And **please** post some reviews!


	14. Sexy Back

To anyone who gives me reviews, THANK YOU! To those who don't, keep reading anyway.

"One more thing!" Warning! This chapter contains shameless flirting, shameless flaunting of the body, an erotically described muscle woman, and overall a lot of fanservice. If any of this offends you... Then why are you reading this story in the first place?

* * *

"Hello Rito," Said Ryouko once the door was open. "Thanks for finding the time to see me tonight."

"You're... welcome." Replied Rito uncertainly. "That's a rather... interesting choice of clothes." He commented, observing her unusual choice in apparel.

"What, this?" Ryouko asked as she gestured to the trenchcoat she was wearing. "I'm just wearing this until we get to the restaurant. It **is **the middle of Autumn after all, and I'd rather not freeze wearing nothing but my dress." She commented playfully.

Rito gulped nervously. _'There goes my hope of her wearing something decent.'_ He observed. _'Given her taste in clothes, if I make it through this date without a nosebleed, it'll be nothing short of a miracle.'_

"'Rather not freeze', huh?" Observed Mikan playfully. "Exactly how much, or rather, how little of your body does your dress cover?" Rito's face got slightly red at that as he turned to his sister in shock.

"Ah, ah, ah, Mikan." Playfully scolded Ryouko. "That's for me to know, and for Rito to find out." She said as she hugged Rito from behind, her large breasts squeezing his head on both sides, making his face even redder.

"Lucky you, Rito. Lucky you." Teased Sallem. "Be careful, or she'll have you on your back before you know it."

"I-I-I-It's not like that!" Stammered Rito, his face at an all time red.

"Don't worry Rito, I'll save that for later." Cooed Ryouko, her mouth right next to his ear. "Like say, when we're married." Steam blew out Rito's ears at that.

"Stop saying stuff like that!" Rito panicked.

"Come on, let's get in the car before you pass out." Said Ryouko as she led a stupefied Rito off by his hand.

* * *

"Yo ho ho ho ho ho, well that was fun." Observed Sallem once the door was closed.

"I'll say," Replied Momo, who had apparently been spying the whole time. "I must admit, I've never seen Rito get quite so red before."

"That's the plan." Laughed Sallem. "Looks like our little scheme is working out perfectly."

"'Our little scheme'?" Asked Mikan uncertainly. "What are you talking about?"

"It's very simple Mikan," Began Sallem. "Momo told me all about her Harem Plan, and it sounded so fun I've decided to help her out with it! Yo ho ho ho ho ho!" Surprisingly, Mikan's face lit-up at this.

"N-Now hold on!" Stammered Mikan. "I'm fine with teasing my brother about these kind of things whenever I can, but actually following through on it is-"

"Now, now, now, Mikan," Scolded Sallem playfully. "I'm a professional matchmaker. I'd never set-up two or more people who I wasn't at least 90% sure about, and that's at least 15% more than most matchmakers would demand as a minimum." He reassured, though Mikan still looked unsure. "And don't worry about the fact that I'm setting him up with multiple people. Just look at me, I've got three wives, and we're all quite happy with this arrangement, thank you very much."

"Speak for yourself." Scoffed Benitsubasa as she and Haihane walked in on them. "I still say that having just me would be good enough." She insisted.

"Then why are you wearing the ring that he gave you?" Asked Haihane teasingly. "If you're so opposed to the idea, then why are you wearing something that shows how much you love each other?" She repeated, pointing to the gold band with a fair sized ruby embedded in it on Benitsubasa's left ring finger.

"Sh-Shut-up! I'm just waiting until he realizes that I'm the best that he'll ever do." Benitsubasa muttered red-faced, hiding her ring from view. Trying, and failing to save face. "And what about you? Why are you still wearing yours?" She demanded, pointing to the gold band with a fair sized sapphire embedded in it on Haihane's left ring finger.

"I'm fine with sharing him." Haihane replied bluntly, looking fondly at her left hand. "We've always had to share him, ever since he first winged us, so why should I mind doing it now?" Benistubasa was about to retort when Karasuba walked in and put a stop to it.

"I'm not opposed to the idea either." She commented, showing off the gold band with a fair sized black diamond embedded in it on her own left ring finger. "Now come on, we have to get ready for our own night out, remember?"

"You're going out too?" Remarked Mikan. "Where are you going?"

"Shouldn't it be obvious?" Asked Sallem with what could only be described as a devil's grin. Mikan fearfully shook her head. "Why, the same place Rito and his date are going of course. How else am I going to keep an eye on them?"

* * *

"So, where are we going this time, Ryouko?" Asked Rito evenly as he looked out the window of her car. After all this time, he was finally beginning to get used to dating her, so long as she didn't put any extra effort into embarrassing him. Though, since she usually put forth enough effort to embarrass him anyway, it was a slightly hollow victory.

"A nice restaurant I heard about from a friend awhile back." She replied. "It's got good food, good music, and a dance floor as well." She noticed his face get slightly red at the mention of 'dance floor'. _'Perfect.'_ She smirked. "My friend told me that the place seems to favor music that makes for some good, fast paced, 'up close and personal' dances." Rito's face got even redder. _'Just a little more.'_ She thought slyly. "Oh, and I forgot to mention that a few dances will be required on this date." That did it.

"Required?" Asked Rito nervously.

"Of course," Replied Ryouko happily. "Where's the fun in going to a restaurant with a dance floor if we don't have at least six or seven dances?"

"Why so many?" Rito asked, 30% curious, 70% nervous.

"It takes a lot to tire me out these days." She responded, flexing her arm in front of his face much to his dismay. "I wanna dance until we both start getting hot, sweaty, and short of breath." Rito's face turned beet-red again. _'He really is way too cute.'_ Ryouko observed. _'I can't wait until the day he says those three magic words that will set my heart ablaze.' _She sighed fondly as she pulled into the parking lot of the restaurant Sallem had told her about._ 'And knowing how good Sallem is at anything he sets his mind to, it won't be long until I hear them.'_

_

* * *

_

"Yo ho ho ho ho ho." Chuckled Sallem from inside the restaurant, he and his wives watching the live feed of Rito and Ryouko's date from Chibi-Robo's camera and Telly's microphone. "Looks like things are going exactly as planned."

"Sallem~," Whined Benitsubasa. "Put down that TV and let's dance."

"In a minute," He chuckled. "I've gotta see Rito's reaction to Ryouko's outfit."

"I bet you just wanna see her outfit for yourself." Teased Haihane.

"That is not true," He denied. "...Completely." He amended.

"Why you little." Benitsubasa seethed. "I thought you said that you already had us."

"Put on some well-defined muscle and I won't need to look at anyone else." Sallem retorted shamelessly. "But that aside, you seemed to rather encourage my relationship with all three of you with that comment just now." Benitsubasa turned a vivid shade of red.

"Sh-Shut-up, that's not what I meant and you know it!" She denied "Besides, I doubt that anything she has on could hold a candle to what I'm wearing."

"You mean what **we're **wearing," Corrected Haihane. "We've all got the same kind of dress on."

"That's not entirely true," Pointed out Karasuba. "I'm in black, you're in blue, and Benitsubasa's in red."

Sallem, thankful for the distraction, was still listening to their conversation with keen interest. He had to admit that their dresses did look stunning on them, though since he picked them out himself, that was to be expected. They each wore a backless one piece dress with a decent sized V-neck. The dresses reached from their necks to just a few cm above the floor, and each dress had a slit on the side, exposing a fair amount of each of their left legs. Whereas Sallem was dressed much more modestly (in his opinion) in his usual outfit that he'd stolen various parts of from powerful fighters he pummeled throughout his travels; though the scarf was a gift, the hat was a knockoff, and the boots were just because he couldn't find any decent footwear on any of his opponents.

_'They really are very beautiful.'_ He thought as he spared them a glance. _'Now let's see what Ryouko's wearing.'_ He thought as he directed his attention back to his monitor, expecting something exciting, and he was not disappointed in **any** way.

* * *

_'WHAT IS SHE WEARING!' _Panicked Rito the moment Ryouko took off her coat for the, now **very** panicked busboy.

His shock was highly justified, as was that of every other turned head, and not just because of her muscular figure. She was wearing a one piece dress that reached down to just above her feet, which were wearing heels, and both were just as red as her hair. But the color of the dress was the last thing on everyone's mind compared to the shape it had. It was completely backless down to just **barely** above her rear, showing off all of her toned, broad, and muscular back and shoulders. The dress had no sleeves, showcasing every stretch and ripple of the muscles of her tree trunk sized arms. It had not one, but **two** slits for both of her well toned legs to show, all the way up to her hips. And the V-neck was made by two straps that reached down to her midriff, flaunting **all** of her **highly** impressive cleavage, as well as most of her **eight-pack**. The 'dress' was essentially a narrow Y in the front attached by two narrow strips of cloth to another strip of cloth in the back that only covered herself from the waist down.

_'That dress only covers-up the essentials!'_ Panicked Rito. _'If she's wearing this on only the **third** date, what will she wear on the** fifth**?'_

_

* * *

'Way. To. Go. Ryouko.'_ Though Sallem somewhat perversely as he saw her outfit on his monitor._ 'I am **so **glad that you took my advice up to eleven.'_

"Why. You. Little." Growled Benitsubasa as she Haihane squeezed Sallem's shoulders once they saw what was on the screen. "C'mon! You're getting off that thing! And we're going to dance! Understood?"

"Oro?" Went Sallem as Benitsubasa and Haihane dragged him out to the dance floor, Karasuba keeping watch from a distance, chuckling at the confused expression on her husband's face.

_'I guess I was asking for this,'_ Realized Sallem. _'In more ways than one.'_

_

* * *

_

**Flashback**

"...On the third date," Sallem continued from the flashback in chapter 10. "You'll be halfway through, which means, if you were using normal methods, this would be the top of the hill, and everything before and after this would just be a downward slope. So you're gonna have to catch him off guard by pulling out all the stops." He explained seriously. "A romantic dinner at a beautiful restaurant! Music of great caliber! Dancing until you're both sweating like crazy! Some of the sexiest clothes you'll ever wear! Flaunt everything you've got at every chance! Say things that will make him redder than a tomato! Don't let him relax for a second! You've gotta show him the single craziest, sexiest, and most romantic night of his life thus far!" He explained dramatically.

"And what exactly will this accomplish?" Asked Ryouko curiously. "You always have a good reason for everything you do. I can't imagine that you'd suggest that I do this for a reason as simple as catching him off guard."

"How right you are." Sallem said with an odd grin on his face, though with his face grins were always odd. "It actually has a lot to do with basic physics and some advanced mathematics, but I'll try to keep it simple." He began in a scholarly tone. "I stated before that this halfway point of yours is basically like the top of a hill, meaning it will be the highest natural point of your five dates with Rito. Ergo, you're going to have to make this date **unnatural**. What you'll have to do with this date is make it rocket up **so** fast from the last one, that the emotions caused by this date will continue to fly higher and higher, even after the date is over. 'For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction'. That's the principal being used here. I guess you could say that the third date would be somewhat like a slingshot in that regard. For that reason, I recommend that you wait three days after the second date before you make him go out on the third one. Too short and the rubber band won't be long enough to make emotions fly high. Too long and the rubber band will start to droop and your efforts will crash into the ground instead."

"I suppose that makes sense." Agreed Ryouko. "But, exactly **how** sexy do I need to be? I don't mind showing off in the least, but I'd like to know what limits to set so that I don't give Rito a heart attack."

"No one can get a heart attack from the sexy, it just distracts them." Pointed out Sallem. "As to the dress code, just make sure that you're wearing a dress that covers at least the essentials and you'll be fine."

"What about the fourth date?" Ryouko asked. "Am I going to be using the slingshot method again?"

"The slingshot method doesn't work twice in a row with romance," Pointed out Sallem. "Though it works quite well for manga, especially One Piece. No, for the fourth date you're going to..."

**End Flashback**

**

* * *

**"Are you going to show my boyfriend and I to our table?" Ryouko asked the shaking busboy.

"Uh, er, I, yes!" Stammered the red-faced busboy. "R-R-R-R-Right this way." He said, leading them to a small table. "Here are your menus. I'll be back in a minute to take your orders. Would you like anything to drink?" He said stiffly once they were seated.

"Just water for me, thank you." Answered Ryouko. "Would you like something Rito?"

"I, er, uh, I, er." Babbled a steaming red Rito, his brain momentarily fried by the sexy.

"Fu fu fu fu fu fu," Chuckled Ryouko at her date. "He'll just have a root beer if you have any."

"Right away." Said the busboy stiffly before he walked away.

"Ohhh~, Rito." Cooed Ryouko seductively, while propping her elbows on the table and her head on her hands, flaunting her cleavage. "What's got your tongue tied? You know it pains me to see my lover look so flustered. It makes me want to ravish you on this table right now." Steam burst profusely from Rito's now red head instantly.

"WHAT ARE YOU TA-" Rito began to outburst, but Ryouko put her finger to his mouth to put a stop to it.

"Shhh, calm down now Honey, I was only joking." She admitted playfully. "Like I said before, I'll save it for when we're married." Rito's eyes turned into spirals.

_'I KNEW IT! I KNEW IT! I KNEW IT! I KNEW IT!'_ Panicked Rito. _'SHE WAS JUST TRYING TO GET MY GUARD DOWN THIS WHOLE TIME!' _He was worried that he might really lose his virginity on this date, but then he calmed down and realized._ 'But at least she can't do anything with so many people around.'_

"So Rito," Ryouko began. "What do you think of my dress?" She asked seductively as she put her hands behind her head, puffed her chest out a bit, and gave him a flirtatious look, much to Rito's dismay.

"I-I-I-I," Rito stammered as the busboy quickly came and left with their drinks. He quickly took a large drink from his own. "I-I-I think that it looks very-very-very," He gulped nervously. "Fine."

"Fine." Ryouko said as if there were some seductive hidden implications to the word that Rito was unaware of. "What about the rest of me? Does that look 'fine' as well?" She asked as she leaned forward and folded her think arms under her enormous bosom, making them even more apparent.

"F-F-F-F-F-Fine, fine, you look fine." Rito replied quickly, his head spinning so rapidly, he was only aware enough of what he said that he could tell that he was saying things that could be easily be misunderstood.

"Really now? Because I think that suit suits you **very** well." She sighed. Rito was sweating and steaming so much, it was a wonder he hadn't passed out from dehydration. Suddenly, the band that had been playing slow music in the background the whole time sped up in tempo. "Oh my! Looks like the band's decided to liven things up a bit. Care to join me out on the dance floor, dear?"

"Okay." Rito replied dumbly, his mind, unable to deal with all this stimulation, had placed his body on auto-pilot, though his mind was still fully aware of what was happening.

_'What am I doing?'_ Rito panicked as Ryouko led him onto the dance floor._ 'There are **so** many ways this could go horribly wrong! I should know, I've already gone through **many** ways things like this could go wrong!'_ He thought as Ryouko grabbed his arms and they started swinging in time with the music._ 'Why isn't my body moving how I want it? At least look away from her breasts!'_ He commanded his body the moment he realized he was eye-level with said breasts, which were subtly jiggling seductively with the music.

* * *

After a few minutes of dancing, he managed to get enough control of his body to turn his blood-red head away from Ryouko, and onto anything he could distract himself with. He saw a few other people dancing, though most of them were distancing themselves from Ryouko._ 'Of course they are,' _Thought Rito. _'She's so huge and dressed in so little, after all.'_

He also noticed that the band looked rather odd, their black suits clashing with their multi-colored hair. Not to mention that their instruments were a rather unusual combination. A man with red hair on the left and blue hair on the right was playing some kind of small box with picks. A man with purple hair on the top of his head, green sideburns, and a red mullet was playing maracas. A blond haired man was holding a small gong. While another blond was playing a banjo. A bald man with a green, yellow, and blue beard was blowing into several pipes of different sizes. One man had no hair at all and was playing a xylophone. And the last one looked like a red-haired Weird Al, complete with an accordion.

_'The instruments look really different, but they work well together.'_ Thought Rito before he was swung around so that his face landed in Ryouko's chest. _'There's the nosebleed!'_ Panicked Rito as he recoiled from her bosom so quickly his head turned up, causing him to come face to face with Ryouko.

"Oh my Rito," Cooed Ryouko playfully. "If you wanted to feel me, all you had to do was ask." She said as she grabbed his hands and quickly slid them onto her rear.

"R-R-R-R-Ryouko," Stammered Rito nervously, his hands feeling everything in a place he'd already felt too much of in the past. "Why are you doing this to me?"

"It's like I've said before Rito," She began tenderly. "I love you with everything I have, so I don't see any reason to hold anything back." Steam shot out of his head again.

"Can you please stop?" Rito strained out.

"Of course we can," Replied Ryouko to a very relieved Rito. "We've been dancing for so long, we're starting to build up a real sweat." All of Rito's embarrassment instantly turned into confusion.

"We have?" He asked as Ryouko began walking toward their table, the sight of her, broad and well muscled back, glistening with sweat answering his question, as well as bringing a slight blush to his face again.

"We have." Parroted Ryouko as she sat down. "And it looks as though someone made a slight mistake and gave us quite the meal by accident while we were dancing for the past," She paused to look at her watch. "45 minutes."

"45 minutes!" Said Rito in mild shock as he sat down at a their, now fully supplied table. "Were we really dancing **that** long? And what about this food?"

"Like I said before, someone must have made a mistake." Said Ryouko as she took a bite from what looked like some kind of bread. "And I'm not about to pass-up a chance for free food." She said with a wink.

"But what if a waiter just set it here for a seco-"

"Rito," She cut him off. "They have carts to put the food on. If it's on the table, someone must have made a mistake, and I've never been one to look a gift horse in the mouth. Now just eat and enjoy." She said as she popped a shrimp into his mouth.

Rito mumbled with the food in his mouth for a second before swallowing. "...That was pretty good." He admitted.

"I'm glad you like it. We got this food at random, so we really have no room to complain. Sushi?" She asked.

"Well," Said Rito uncertainly as he scratched his cheek. "I don't really feel right about taking food that someone else ordered."

"The restaurant made a mistake, so they'll fix it." Brushed off Ryouko as she stuffed the sushi into his mouth. "This food will probably be thrown away if someone doesn't eat it. I'm not about to let good food go to waste."

Rito had to pause to swallow again. "Well," He hummed as he looked at the food, hunger and uncertainty in his voice and eyes. "It would be bad if this all went to waste wouldn't it?"

"Yes it would," She said as she popped some salad into his mouth. "Now eat." She sighed seductively as she leaned froward, pushing her breasts up with her arm again.

Rito paused once more to swallow. "Would you please stop that?" He requested somewhat angrily, the fact that they were in an obviously high-class restaurant the only thing keeping his voice at a low volume.

"What?" Asked Ryouko, obviously feigning innocence. "The flirting? Feeding you? The shameless show of my body?"

"All of the above."

"I suppose I could do that. You look like you've had enough anyway." A light bulb suddenly lit-up in Rito's head.

"Were you doing all that on purpose?" He asked nervously.

"Of course," Ryouko said shamelessly. "Flirting and teasing may come naturally to me, but even I have to work at seduction."

_'Of course.'_ Realized Rito.

* * *

"Well, that went rather well." Said Sallem as he and his wives walked away from the restaurant/**casino** with a dolly full of suitcases, the owner shouting various obscenities at them.

"You used us as distractions and completely cleaned them out." Pointed out Karasuba bluntly. "Why do you even bother to put these places out of business? You already have more money than you could ever spend."

"It's more of a matter of fun for me." Replied Sallem. "Not to mention that I've never agreed with gambling halls, so I do what I can to stop them when I see them."

"By gambling and cheating with every trick in the book?" Asked Haihane sarcastically.

"Shut-up Haihane!" Growled Benitsubasa. "If he wants to gamble, let him. He looks** so **handsome when he's doing it anyway." She sighed affectionately.

"I must admit," Interjected Karasuba. "I'm quite surprised that you had the Tiki Tak Tribe perform at that restaurant tonight."

"WHAT?" Exclaimed Benitsubasa. "You mean those guys on stage were those weird tikis?" Haihane looked surprised as well.

"Yes they were." Admitted Sallem as he pulled down his scarf and let Chibi-Robo and Telly into a door shaped hole in his neck. "I made them artificial human bodies like that ghost girl so that they could go out in public without drawing any attention. They can naturally posses animals, so it's no surprise that they can posses a human body with no mind. I'm not surprised that only Karasuba noticed who they really were."

"Why would you have them perform there?" Asked Haihane.

"Because they can help Rito get closer to Ryouko." Sallem began, Benitsubasa and Haihane looked at him in confusion. "The Tiki Tak Tribe have the power to hypnotize anyone who hears their music. When it's only one of them playing they can only control less intelligent animals, but the more that play, the easier it is for them to control their targets. All of them together can control anyone with an I.Q. of less than 200." He elaborated. "While it's not nearly enough to control me, it's good enough to make almost any human lose control of their bodies. Since Rito wasn't in control of his body, he had no choice but to go along with what I instructed the tikis to make him do. Which was, of course, the best way I could think of to make him and Ryouko both get the most out of their date."

"I couldn't help but notice that they got free food," Commented Karasuba. "Was that part of your plan as well?"

"Initially no," Shrugged Sallem. "That decision was actually made on the fly, since the head chef their owed me a favor."

"He owed you a favor?" Asked Benitsubasa dumbfounded. "But we've only been on this planet a few days."

"I know, that's why it was on the fly." Retorted Sallem. "Believe it or not, the head chef had recently lost his left hand, and I decided to do him a solid and make him a new one, complete with built-in knife for kitchen work." He said as he held up his own left hand, the blade shining in the moonlight.

"That chef wouldn't happen to be one of the people who got in that car crash in front of that doctor's house, would he?" Asked Karasuba slyly.

"You know me all to well." Said Sallem playfully.

* * *

"So Rito," Began Ryouko as she drove Rito home. "How did you like our 'special night of passion'?" She asked suggestively.

"Would you please stop talking like that!" Exploded Rito. "You've been saying stuff like that this whole evening. Can't you give it a rest?"

"Not until we get to your house." She rebuked. "I've only got two dates left to seduce you, and I'm not going to waste a second of either of them."

"Do you seriously think that people can fall in love just like that?" Mumbled Rito.

"You won't be falling in love 'just like that'." Denied Ryouko. "We've already been on thee dates, and we still have two more to go. People have fallen in love through less."

_''People have fallen in love through less'?'_ Though a panicked Rito. _'She **does** have a point there. I guess some people are just like that. Hell, most people I know who have someone they like, usually me,' _A dark cloud appeared over his head for dramatic effect at that thought._ 'Fell for that person almost instantly.'_ The dark clouds started raining. _'And here I am. I love two girls, and I might be falling for a third for all I know. I didn't exactly notice my feelings for Lala until they were almost right on me after all.'_

"We're here Rito," Said Ryouko as she slowed to a stop at his house. "You can get out now, unless you want to come home with me?" She asked flirtatiously.

"No! No! No!" Panicked Rito as he got out of the car. "I'm getting off here." He said as he rushed to his house.

"Rito." Ryouko called out to him just before he got to the front door, causing him to halt and turn. "I had a wonderful time tonight. I know that I said this before, but I really do love you, and I hope that you'll feel the same way about me someday." She said sincerely, giving Rito a subtle blush. "I'll call you about our next date when I'm ready. Look forward to it." She finished as she drove off.

Rito stood on his front step for a few seconds before leaning against the door with a sigh. _'Why are women always saying that about me?'_

_

* * *

_Hello! I hope you all enjoyed this chapter, all of those who read this that is. Anyway. I ask you all to find it in your hearts to send me some reviews. I'm not asking for a swarm of them, just one or two for every chapter I write. I know that this series gets low traffic, but this story gets at least twenty hits a day. The least some of those twenty or more people could do is say what they thought or suggest some ideas. I'm giving you all a chance to have some input into the story. Most people would jump at the chance to do that, or is that just me?

"One more thing!" To the **one** reviewer I've gotten in a** long** time. Sallem knows about Run's friendship with Kyouko via all the investigation he began the moment he landed on Earth, and factored in her role in Run's life accordingly. Sallem doesn't slouch when it comes to gathering information or predicting someone's future. The unaccounted for variables are for anything that hasn't happened yet.


	15. Sadism is the new Black

Hello! I thank my reviewers! I'm getting them again! I guess it just goes to show that complaining like a bitch really does get you what you want...

I'm just kidding! Anyway, thanks to my reviews, I've gotten some inspiration once more! I'll try to work more on each chapter every day! While I'm not getting as many reviews for this fic as I did on my other one, it's nice to know that people are paying attention.

* * *

**9 Days Later**

"Yo ho ho ho ho ho ho ho!" Laughed Sallem as he and Rito were shopping for groceries. "So that's what happened on your last date? Man, it sure took you long enough to spill the beans!" Sallem already knew about what happened on his last date since he was there, but getting the information directly from Rito was an important part of his plan, as was his next line. "So tell me, is that **all **that happened, or did you finally get laid?"

"I DID NOT!" Exclaimed Rito, red as blood. "Why would you even think of something like that?"

"Yo ho ho ho ho ho!" Laughed Sallem as he picked up some oranges. "Rito, you should know by now that 80% of the shit that comes out of my mouth is just me messing with people." Partially true, it was actually 58% of the shit that comes out of his mouth is just him messing with people (yes people, he's been keeping track), but Rito had no need to know just how often he can get serious, it might make him suspicious.

"Ha ha, very funny." Mumbled Rito sarcastically. "So you've decided to make a joke of me again? I guess you have a hard time behaving yourself for so long."

"Yeah, if I go more than six consecutive waking hours without harassing someone, I get seriously bored." Said Sallem, completely straight faced... as he was shoving his whole right fist into a gagging, struggling, and flailing Rito's mouth.

"*Cough*cough* What was *cough* that for?" Demanded Rito the moment Sallem's fist was out of his mouth.

"Sorry about that," Apologized Sallem, though he didn't sound like he meant it. The facts that he had a perfect crescent shaped grin and that his irises had shrunk to dots didn't help much either. "But I'm prone to sudden bouts of sadism."

"Are you serious?" Asked Rito uneasily.

"It's true." Said Sallem, his face back to normal. "I try to keep it in check by pulling pranks every day and insulting others, but sometimes it just slips out at the worst moments. Personally, I think that I've had a few too many bad influences in my life, and it doesn't really help matters that I still hang around them from time to time."

"Well, so long as you keep it in check most of the time." Said Rito uncertainly, knowing from experience and all that he's heard of Sallem that there wasn't much he could do to stop the way he acted. "Wait a minute," Rito realized. "You said that you pulled pranks on people **every day**?" Sallem nodded. "But you haven't acted-up at all lately."

"Rito," Sallem began with a obviously fake look of concern. "Did your parents drop you on your stupid head repeatedly as a baby?" He asked, completely straight faced.

"No they did not!" Rito exclaimed. "How could you even ask that?" He grumbled as he grabbed some salmon.

"Sorry, sorry. My sadism tends to come out in packs." Said Sallem. "You may want to be on the lookout for me squeezing your face while grinding my knuckles into the back of your skull." He said as he squeezed Rito's face while grinding his knuckles into the back of the boy's skull.

"Will you cut that out?" Exclaimed Rito once he got out of Sallem's clutches.

"You may not notice me pulling pranks, but I definitely pull them nonetheless." Sallem explained, deciding to dodge a bullet by answering an earlier question. "On Friday I sent Yui a love letter with your name on it and watched how she acted around you for the next few days, it was very satisfying to say the least. On Saturday I photoshopped photos of Run to post on her blog to make her look like a sloppy overeater and cause a scandal, her approval dropped by 2%. On Sunday I had the Tiki Tak tribe hypnotize several wild animals to maul the Principal while Chibi-Robo filmed it, Yami-chan beat me to the punch so I just had to film her and let the animals trample on the scraps. On Monday I decided not to prank anyone because Zastin had another date with Saki, Aya, and Rin and I wanted to watch, they seem to be getting used to the idea of polygamy. On Tuesday I disguised myself as a door-to-door salesman and sold Run emetics disguised as diet pills and secretly took photos to post on her blog while she blew chunks on her floor and furniture, her approval rating dropped by 5%. On Wednesday-"

"Please stop, I don't want to here anymore!" Panicked Rito as he covered his ears.

"You're right, no need to tell you all my tricks, even though that would take about a year, maybe two." Shrugged Sallem as he got some peaches.

"What is Chibi making tonight anyway?" Rito asked, trying to change the subject.

"An incredible dish known as Century Soup," Replied Sallem. "It takes many ingredients to prepare, there are likely near countless ways to cook it, and I just so happen to know the cheapest and fastest way to make it." He sang a little at the end as he flashed a peace sign.

"How good is it?" Rito asked, honestly interested. Quite justified, since the dishes that Chibi-Robo has been preparing for the past few weeks, be they for a meal or just a snack, have all been incredible. Properly Prepared Puffer Whale, Rainbow Fruit Jello, Salted BB Popcorn, Tea from the core leaf of the Ozone Herb, the list was impressive, and more just kept getting added each day.

"Let me put it this way," Began Sallem as he grabbed a head of lettuce. "When people eat it, they uncontrollably grin like idiots."

"Is it really that good?" Asked Rito in astonishment.

"Oh, I'm sure it's not as good as the night of passion and sin that you spent with Ryouko." Sallem commented offhandedly.

"Ha ha, very funny," Laughed Rito dryly. "You're not going to get me with that one anymore."

_'So, he's finally gotten over the embarrassment, has he?'_ Thought Sallem slyly. _'About time too, I was beginning to think that he would never get off the high of that night.'_ Deciding that it would be a good time to change the subject, if only subtly, he asked. "You do know that Lala's idea of a harem is the only way that you're going to be able to live a truly happy life, right?" Rito stumbled.

"Why did you have to bring that up?" Rito whined.

"I'm simply stating the facts," Shrugged Sallem. "Whether you know it or not, many girls are in love with you. And even though you feverishly try to deny it, you're not the kind of guy to be satisfied with just one woman."

"How would you know what kind of guy I am?" Rito grumbled.

Sallem just gave Rito a look that blatantly said 'Seriously?' When Rito didn't respond to his look, he sighed, knowing that the boy was so stupid that he'd have to have it spelled out for him in what equates to alphabet soup. "Rito, has it ever occurred to you that I'm actually **involved** in polygamy?" He asked slowly, Rito shook his head nervously. "And has it ever occurred to you that I have experience in reading people? I can tell what a person is thinking just by looking at their face in case you've forgotten." Another shake of the head, more nervous this time. "Then it's probably never occurred to you that I can tell a person's preferences, be they gay, straight, monogamous, or polygamous. Which I can." He pointed out bluntly.

"B-B-B-But-" Stuttered Rito as he shook like a leaf.

"No buts," Scolded Sallem. "Why do you think Lala hasn't been spending much time with you ever since I got here?" Rito froze when he heard that.

_'He does have a point.'_ Rito realized. _'I haven't seen much of Lala at all these past few days, not even walking home from school, and he probably has something to do with that.'_ He determined firmly.

"Yes, I do have something to do with that." Replied Sallem to Rito's thoughts, freaking him out. "Lala told me about how you have feelings for both her and that Haruna girl." Sallem could tell that Rito was a bit irritated with Lala for telling someone that, but truth be told, Sallem had actually asked Lala upfront if Rito had feelings for anyone besides her. He knew that Lala couldn't keep a secret to save her life. "So I told her to explain all the benefits of polygamy to Haruna." Half true, Sallem had actually told Lala to explain how great polygamy was to **everyone** he had plans to set Rito up with, not just Haruna. He also noticed Rito panic, obviously worried that Lala would say something he didn't want her to.

"Why would you do something like that?" Strained Rito.

"I was bored." Sallem replied as if it explained everything. In a way, it actually did.

"ARE YOU-mmph mmhm mphm mnph!" He mumbled as Sallem painfully jammed his right hand into his mouth.

"That time was on purpose," Remarked Sallem. "Keep in mind that we **are** in a public place. If you shout, you'll only succeed in making yourself look like a fool." Rito stopped mumbling. "Now I'm going to take my hand out of your mouth, and you're going to calmly, tell me what you want to tell me, understand?" Rito nodded. "Good." Said Sallem as he pulled his hand out of a gasping Rito's mouth.

"Are you insane?" Rito seethed through his teeth. Sallem just gave him the 'seriously' look again, only this time, Rito understood it. "I suppose I should have expected that." He sighed.

"For your information I happen to be on medication right now." Rebuked Sallem. "Now back to what I was saying, would polygamy **really** be all that bad? From my perspective, the only thing holding you back from it are your primitive, one-dimensional, cockroach level, Earth norm views on relationships. Believe it or not, many more planets allow, encourage, or outright demand polygamy in some way or another, than those that don't." Rito still looked unsure, letting Sallem know that he was going to have to pull out the big guns. "Since that doesn't seem to be getting through your thick, cockroach head, let me tell you something that might. My planet has a largely Amish population, to which I was born to, and doesn't allow polygamy in **any** way." Rito stared at him in shock and slight understanding. "Yet here I am, head of a company that makes a living on making everything more and more advanced, and married to three beautiful women. If that doesn't get you thinking, I don't know what will."

"But... I'm not that kind of person." Replied Rito, starting to sound unsure of himself.

"You're lying through your teeth you roach." Deadpanned Sallem as a demonic grin appeared on his face. "We've already established that you've told Lala that you have feelings for both her and Haruna." Rito's eyes widened when he realized what Sallem was getting at. "In other words... You're a closet polygamist!" Sallem declared as he pointed his middle finger accusingly at Rito.

"Why are you pointing your middle finger at me? And why do you keep calling me a cockroach?" Was all that Rito could manage to say.

"The man who I have the great pleasure or displeasure (depending on your point of view) of calling my best friend has very similar habits to how I'm acting right now, but on a much grander scale." Sallem shrugged. "I'm not sure if the fact that I even know this person is a good thing or not, but for now, his habits have had more of an impact on my personality than anyone else I know. If I were you, I'd pray to whatever deity you know that you never meet this person." He grinned. "As for the cockroach, I've been told that you're a very fast, durable, and stupid person, ergo, a cockroach is a perfect comparison, wouldn't you agree?" His grin got bigger and scarier as he pointed his right fingers at Rito's face.

"R-Right," Agreed Rito nervously, remembering that Sallem had **guns** built into his fingers. "I'm a cockroach."

"I'm glad to see that we agree." Said Sallem cheerily, his attitude doing a complete 180 from his 'scary face'. "Now if you'll excuse me, I have an important call to make. You wouldn't mind taking this stuff home would you?" He asked as he placed his bags into Rito's arms.

"No, not at all." Sweated Rito, afraid of what Sallem might do if he denied his request/demand.

"Perfect. We already have everything on the list, and here's 500,000 yen to pay for it and anything else a roach like you may need." Sallem said as he handed him said funds. "You can keep whatever change may be leftover. I already have too much money to handle as it is, and on the same note, you have no need to worry about it being counterfeit. I want to eat some soup tonight too, after all." As he walked off, Rito couldn't help but wonder what exactly went through his head, until he decided that he was **much** better off not knowing.

* * *

**That Night**

"So gooooood~!" Hummed everyone except Sallem and Karasuba at the table as they took their first taste of the soup.

"We're very glad that you all like it," Said Telly. "We always aim to please. Isn't that right Chibi-Robo?"

"!" Said Chibi.

"It's hard to believe that something we can't even see could taste so good~." Hummed Mikan.

"Hooray for Chibi!" Cheered Lala.

"You people get easily excited over the simplest of things." Chuckled Sallem. "I'd think that you would be used to such great food after eating stuff of comparable quality for the past several days."

"I can't help it, it's so good~," Purred Benitsubasa. "You're such a great chef Sallem!" She exclaimed as she latched herself onto the man in question.

"Technically it was Chibi who made the meal." Pointed out Haihane as she bumped fists with Chibi as best they could.

"Well Sallem built Chibi, so that makes him a great chef too." Huffed Benitsubasa.

"It doesn't really make any difference to me so long as the food is good." Hummed Momo as she ate some more. _'And if it's good enough, Rito might not notice if I added a little something extra.'_ She thought deviously.

_'She's up to something,' _Thought Sallem as he noticed the look on Momo's face. _'Looks like it's time to remind the slave of the limits to our partnership.' _He thought evilly as his irises turned to dots and his mouth turned into a crescent (I'm going to call this his 'sadist face' to save time from now on). The moment Momo noticed the look, Sallem noticed her expression turn from one of scheming into one of fear and apology. _'Much better.'_ Thought Sallem as his face turned back to normal and he heard Karasuba chuckle softly.

"You always did have your 'special methods' for getting your way." She whispered to him.

"You say that like we've been married for years," Sallem silently rebuked. "By my count, it's only been a few weeks."

_*Rrrringg*Rrrringg*_

"Ah, the phone." Observed Momo. "Rito could you get it?"

"Sure." He replied as he walked off to get it. "Hello. Who is it?" He asked the caller.

_"Hey there Rito,"_ Said a feminine voice on the other end. _"Guess who."_

"Ryouko." Rito realized. "How did you get my phone number?"

_'This could be interesting.'_ Sallem realized as he took off his fedora. _'Seems that eavesdropping would be a very prudent idea right about now.'_ He thought as his highly sensitive ears twitched to hear the conversation better.

_"I asked Lala what it was a few days ago." _She replied, Rito sighed. _"Don't sound so down, I only wanted to talk to my boyfriend."_

"I'm not your boyfriend!" Exclaimed Rito.

"Hm, who's that on the phone Rito?" Asked Mikan mischievously. "It wouldn't happen to be Ryouko, would it?" Everyone at the table except Nana and Telly, who were blushing because of the subject, and Sallem, who was clutching his ears in pain, started chuckling, even Chibi-Robo managed to look amused.

Too late, Rito realized his blunder and his face turned slightly red.

"Rito," Groaned Sallem. "Do us all a favor an just roll with the punches from now on. Swimming against the current isn't going to get you anywhere. So why don't you just accept your fate as a playboy and be done with it?" Everyone except Nana and Telly chuckled again as Rito's face lit-up.

_"Darling, could you please not shout again."_ Complained Ryouko. _"Part of having pointed ears means that my hearing is highly sensitive as well."_

"R-Right, sorry." Apologized Rito sheepishly, knowing that responding to her 'darling' comment wouldn't get her anywhere. "Why are you calling anyway?"

_"I just wanted to let you know that we'll be going on another date tomorrow."_ She answered.

For once, Rito wasn't the least bit embarrassed by the idea of going out with Ryouko. He'd gotten used to the idea of dating a woman several years his senior, as well as dating in general, and knew that if he could live through the last date he went on with her, he could survive whatever she had in store this time... Unless she was going to take him to a hotel or something like that. His face got slightly red. "Alright," He answered. "Where are we going this time?"

_"Ah, ah, ah, Rito,"_ She playfully teased. _"I haven't told you where we were going before, and I'm not about to start now. Just put Mikan on the phone and I'll make the arrangements with her."_

"If you say so." He replied somewhat unsure. "Mikan, Ryouko wants to talk to you." He called into the kitchen.

"She does?" Mikan wondered aloud as she got up. "Let's see what she wants." She said as Rito handed her the phone. "Hello... Okay... Yes he does... Yes... I can do that... So that's what you're planing." She grinned deviously, Rito was starting to jitter. "... Yes... I'll be sure to tell him... Okay, bye." She hung-up.

"What did she want Mikan?" Asked Rito, Mikan just grinned at him.

"Se-cret." Replied Mikan playfully. "Now if you'll excuse me, I have a few things to prepare for your date."

_"Why am I getting the feeling that tomorrow will somehow be worse than the last date?"_ Wondered Rito fearfully.

* * *

Wow, I got this chapter out fast, didn't I?

Well, regardless of that, I'm glad that people seem to be paying attention to my story. I know that I only appeal to a small market of readers (around 30-45 for this story, last I checked) but I'm still trying to write quality stories regardless. I hope that I'm keeping the characters in-character. If not, please tell me any mistakes I may have made in the way I portray them, and I'll try to keep that in mind for later chapters.

"One more thing!" If you can correctly guess who Sallem got his sadistic streak from, I'll try my best to put in at least one request you may have for this story, but no promises. Here's a hint, his sadistic face is part of what he got from his best friend.


	16. Harder, Better, Faster, Stronger

Hello again everyone! **I want you all to take notice of this author's note, as it is somewhat important.** This chapter will have a few highly OOC moments, which will be explained as logically as this series gets, along with a few parts that will only make complete sense if you keep in mind that people are fully capable of lying. That having been said, this chapter is also rather long, but do try to keep reading as I believe it to be one of my best thus far.

Now, without further ado! I present the next chapter of the story

* * *

**Morning - The Next Day**

_'I wonder what Ryouko has in mind today.' _Thought Rito from his bed as he waited for her arrival. _'Mikan said that she asked her to prepare some things for when she arrived, but she's not telling me about what they are.'_ Sighing, he laid down on his bed and tried to figure out what it could be, but he didn't get too far because his door suddenly slammed open, jolting him upward with a start.

"Good morning~!" Sang Sallem as he threw something at Rito's head, knocking him to the floor with a sadistically satisfying thud. "How are you doing on the morning of your fourth date with Ryouko?" He asked with his sadist face.

"What is your problem?" Rito winced once he managed to stand up.

"My problem is that you're one of the toughest nuts I've ever had to crack." Sallem explained happily, his expression unchanging from his sadist face.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Asked Rito bitterly as he rubbed the sore spot on his head, not noticing Sallem step-up to right in front of him.

"That is none of your concern." Replied Sallem in a somewhat distorted voice as he gave a sharp yank to Rito's leg, painfully flipping him on his back. "Your only concern now is to have your date with Ryouko and enjoy it, roach." He explained as he gave a sharp jab with two of his fingers to his foot.

"Ow! What was that for?" Demanded Rito.

"For being a roach." He replied darkly as he swiftly twisted his foot and painfully bent three of his toes.

"OW! Would you stop that?" Rito asked, raising his voice.

"Once more." Sallem said menacingly as he poked four pins into the base of his foot.

"Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Somebody help!" Cried out Rito.

"They cannot hear you." Began Sallem in a deep, evil voice as he went face to face with Rito. From Rito's perspective, he could see that Sallem's scarred smile looked like it had sharp teeth from front to back, and that his green eyes were narrowed and glowing slightly in a menacing dark hue (henceforth, this will be his demon face). At the sight of pure terror before his eyes, Rito could only gulp and shiver in fear. "I've placed a soundproof barrier around this room to prevent anyone from interfering in our conversation."

"Wh-Wh-Wh-Wh-What do you want?" Rito stammered fearfully.

Sallem glared at him for what could have been seconds, minutes, or hours for all Rito could tell. Once Rito began to think that he couldn't take the fear instilled into him from the look he got from Sallem, he heard him say...

"Your date has arrived just now, Rito." He said cheerfully with a pleasant look on his face as he painlessly took the pins out of Rito's foot and swiftly bandaged it up. "I hope you enjoy your time with Ryouko." He said as he walked off.

"Uhhhhhh." Was all that Rito could say and think at the moment.

"Oh, and by the way," Said Sallem as he stopped and turned by the door. "I'd appreciate it if you didn't tell anyone about what happened this morning."

"Wh-What?" Said a befuddled Rito, his mind still trying to catch-up with the world around him. "Why should I keep it a secret? You're pretty much torturing me." He said defiantly.

"Eh? You won't keep it a secret?" Asked Sallem innocently as he put his index finger to his chin and a slightly disheartened expression marred his face.

_'If I don't keep it a secret... He'll kill me!' _Panicked Rito, understanding what his expression meant. "R-Right, it's a secret." He conceded.

"Wonderful," Said Sallem pleasantly, though Rito understood that it was obviously an act. "Have fun on your dirty and sinful date with Ryouko, and make sure you use protection."

A few seconds after he left, Rito decided that it would be best for his health if he quickly went on his date before Sallem had a chance to pull something else.

* * *

"He'll be down momentarily." Sallem explained to Ryouko once he got downstairs.

"That's good." She replied. "Mikan, did you get the things I asked for?"

"Of course," Mikan said as she handed Ryouko a duffel bag, giving her two, in addition to the one she had brought with her. "Be sure to tell me how it goes." She grinned slyly.

"Oh, I already have a pretty good idea about how it's going to go." Ryouko said mischievously. "And if it's going to go how I've planned it, you may soon have a few sisters-in-law." She winked.

"Here's hoping." Mikan responded playfully.

"What?" Said a baffled Nana. "Mikan, are you serious? I thought that even with all your teasing you were against this."

"I was at first," Mikan responded. "But once I saw how happy Sallem, Karasuba, Haihane, and Benitsubasa were together, I realized that there might be some merit in the idea."

"Speak for yourself," Grumbled Benitsubasa as she walked down the stairs with a red duffel bag. "I still say that I'm all he needs." She insisted.

"Your words say one thing, but your face says another." Teased Haihane as she walked down the stairs with a blue duffel bag. "You can't imagine life without us, can you?" Benitsubasa was about to retort when...

"She has a point, you know." Interjected Karasuba as she got off the couch, a black duffel bag strapped over her shoulder. "Let's face it, we've all grown too accustomed to the life we have together to be comfortable anyway else." She shrugged before her face adopted an evil glare. "If it weren't for that and Sallem, I would have probably killed you both long ago." She said dangerously. Almost everyone stared at he in shock. There was a long pause before...

"Yeah, I keep this kind of company." Shrugged Sallem as he walked over to Karasuba. "Some people might call it dangerous, but I prefer to think of it as 'last-chance-rehab'." He explained as he got behind Karasuba and placed his hand on her head. "I help or hurt those who would be dealt with by the law otherwise, depending on my mood and the individual in question." He finished as he subtly squeezed Karasuba's head tightly. "Watch your step." He silently reminded Karasuba with his demon face and deep voice. "Keep in mind that the only thing keeping you alive right now is your fear of me. If you cease to fear me before you love me, I may have to kill you again to teach you your place once more." He said as he subtly pulled her away.

"And then what?" Asked Karasuba mockingly. "Bring me back to life with your medical skills again? You've shown me Hell once before, once more will do little harm." She reminded him as she rubbed off some of the cover-up around her neck, revealing a noticeable scar. "You chopped my head clean off and then put it back on. After that, there's not much left to fear."

"There are fates much worse than death, I assure you." He pointed out darkly. "My medical instructor, Madaraki Fran, has proven that cruel fact of life time and time again, as have I."

Karasuba didn't bother to try and hide her fear and rage at his words, as he would no doubt read her like a book regardless. She knew from experience that this man was not one to be trifled with. **Ever.** She may be highly cruel by nature, but she still placed high value her own life and well being. If, in order to stay alive and well, she had to act the part of a loving wife, so be it. So long as she caused no trouble without his command, she actually had the freedom and money at her disposal to do whatever she wanted.

For most, that would be an almost ideal life, but the only thing Karasuba wanted more than all else was the only thing that she couldn't have right now.** Bloodshed.** She missed causing so much pain, suffering, and death. She missed the thrill and rush of the battle. She missed the times when she was still on her own world, or whatever world it was she had spent her life on after the ship she was on crashed. The other two were content to remain with that man for the rest of their lives, but she was not. She wanted out, but the moment since he'd first killed her and brought her back, she knew her fate was sealed, and she reluctantly resigned herself to her fate.

If there was any silver lining to the life she was leading now, it was that, so long as he took his medication (which she knew he had yet to do this morning) he was actually rather bearable. The only things that really irked her, aside from his demand that she not hurt anyone, was that he insisted she spend time with him and the others, and that she go along with his stupid matchmaking schemes.

"Understood, master." She growled bitterly through her teeth.

"Call me 'dear'." Sallem reminded her sweetly, though she could easily sense the hidden threat behind it.

"Understood, **dear**." She growled even more bitterly.

"Well then you three," Sallem said cheerfully as he turned back to his other wives. "Let's get going before people start to get suspicious."

"Suspicious of what?" Mikan asked suspiciously.

"My point exactly." Sallem responded happily as he got out a remote. "See you all when we get back." He pressed a button on his remote and he and his wives were gone, just as Rito came down the stairs.

"Good morning Ryouko." Rito said when he noticed her, actually sounding happy to see her. "What's in the bags?"

"Oh, it's a surprise, dear." She responded playfully. Rito, much to his credit, didn't blush at all when she said 'dear'. He'd finally gotten used to the fact that she would constantly make their relationship seem closer than it really was. "Now come on," She said as she grabbed his arm. "Today, we're going to spend the whole day together. From start to finish." She explained as she dragged him out the door.

"Have fun Rito." Teased Mikan, Rito was used to that.

"Playboy." Scoffed Nana, Rito felt some embarrassment.

"Make sure you use protection." Smirked Momo, causing Nana, Rito, and Mikan to glare at her.

"Don't be afraid to pick out wedding rings." Cheered Lala, everyone stared at her.

"Lala, why would you say something like that?" Panicked Rito.

"I agree, that doesn't seem like something you'd say," Agreed Ryouko. "Though I wouldn't mind doing that sometime soon." She added playfully, much to Rito's displeasure.

"Sallem told me to say it." Lala admitted. "He said it would help you two get along."

_'Of course he did.'_ Everyone deadpanned inwardly.

"Well, at any rate, we should get going now, Rito." Said Ryouko as she led the boy to her car. "I'll have him back by 6:00." She called back.

"Which 6:00?" Asked Momo playfully.

"You know what I mean." She responded as she got in the car and drove away.

* * *

**Ryouko's Car**

"So, where are we going this time?" Asked Rito once they were on the road. He knew that she had said she wouldn't tell him on the phone yesterday, but since she'd told him about where they'd be going on their third date once they were in her car a little over a week ago, he figured it was worth a shot.

"I already told you, it's going to be a secret until we get there." She reminded him. "But rest assured, I'm going to make you want me by the time this date is over." She said confidentially.

_'What's she planning?'_ Panicked Rito slightly. _'She's saying that with such certainty, and after the other three dates I've gone on with her, I wouldn't put it past her to come up with something that could make her words come true. It's like she knows exactly what to do to make herself as desirable as possible.' _He stopped to think about that._ 'Well, knowing her, she probably does. But still, the level she takes it to is way beyond the mild teasing she used to stick to... Then again, now that I think about, that's her normal behavior, and it's normal for people to be a lot better at things once they apply themselves, I've seen it happen before. Yami-chan was a lot more dangerous back when I first met her and she was actively trying to kill me, compared to now, where she only beats me up a little whenever I offend her, which is actually almost every time I see her now that I think about it.'_ He realized pathetically.

For the entire drive, Rito kept coming up with more and more ideas about what Ryouko may be planning, each one somehow worse than the last. By the time they finally got to where she was taking them, he was already sweating bullets about what she might have in store for him this time. What he saw when they arrived at their destination however, filled him more with shock and confusion than anything else.

* * *

"A gym?" Was all that Rito managed to make come out of his mouth.

"That's right." Replied Ryouko as she got their stuff out of the car. "Since I went through so much pain and trouble to get so well-built, even though it wasn't my choice, I figured that I may as well work-out in order to keep it." She explained as she flexed her arms.

Rito was having a hard time processing what exactly was going on, so he was understandably speechless for a few seconds. When he finally opened his mouth to speak, instead of his usual loud outburst at the strange (and usually painful) things in his life, his words were perfectly reasonable. "You've been coming here often?" He asked politely.

"Almost every day since our first date." She replied happily as they went inside, and when they did, they were instantly bombarded with...

**"RYOUKO-SAMA!"** Chorused almost everyone in the gym as many people rushed over to her, not even noticing that most of them, rather painfully, pushed Rito out of the way.

"You weren't here yesterday." Said one man.

"Did something happen to you Ryouko-sama?" Asked one worried woman.

"Don't tell us you found another gym?" Panicked someone who was obviously the **manager** of all people.

"Relax everyone," Said Ryouko soothingly. "I just had some things I needed to take care of. Nothing bad happened."

"What a relief." Sighed many of the people present.

"Ryouko-sama, could you help me draw-up a good workout today?" Asked another woman.

"I've been keeping up my daily routine. How long do you think it'll be before I can go on to pro bodybuilding?" Asked another man.

"Calm down everyone," Ryouko said in an effort to get some space. "I just came here to workout today. You can't expect me always help you out with everything."

"Of course, Ryouko-sama." Chorused everyone present as most of them walked off.

Rito was completely baffled at the sight before him. Everyone here seemed to worship Ryouko on some level or another. Why, Rito wasn't entirely sure, but he had a few guesses. _'Maybe they all just look-up to her because she's so strong looking.__ She looks stronger than anyone else here at least.' _He thought as he took a good look at everyone else present. _'Given where we are, I think it's safe to say that gym clothes are packed into those bags.' _He realized.

"Hey, Ryouko-sama, why do you have two bags?" Asked the strongest looking man present suspiciously.

"I've brought someone with me today and felt like surprising him." Ryouko replied, many people froze.

"**Him**?" Growled the large man, Rito felt a shiver go up his spine, Ryouko nodded. "Where is this guy?"

"I believe that's him in the corner." Ryouko said as she pointed at a frantic Rito.

"Hmmm~." Went the large man dangerously as he got a good look at the quaking Rito, until his expression brightened. "Oh, I see." He said pleasantly. "You decided to bring your little brother to the gym with you. You're a really nice woman, ya know."

Rito's fear suddenly evaporated. _'Thank goodness.'_ He sighed inwardly. _'It's obvious that he was jealous of the idea of Ryouko with someone, but since he only thinks I'm her little brother, I'm in the clear.' _He was suddenly unnerved by the sound of Ryouko chuckling.

"Oh no, Rito's certainly not my little brother." She said pleasantly.

_'Not good!' _Panicked Rito.

"Hm, oh sorry, nephew then." Corrected the large man.

_'Please leave it at that, Ryouko! Please leave it at that!' _Begged Rito.

"Wrong again." Hummed Ryouko as she walked over to and bent down next to Rito.

_'I can't ask for even one favor, can I?' _Realized Rito fearfully.

"Rito is," She began as she playfully planted a kiss on his cheek. "My lover." Everything suddenly got **really** quiet.

After about a minute, the first person to break the silence was the burly man who'd been speaking before. "Your... lover?" He strained out tensely, Ryouko nodded. "Don't you think that he looks a little... **young** for you?" He strained even more tensely.

"Not at all." Replied Ryouko bluntly as she dragged Rito away by his wrist because he was frozen in fear. "I think he's **just** old enough for me. Not to mention that he's such an **incredible** charmer, I don't even mind that I have to share him." Everything got quiet again, except for Rito, who was shaking so violently that you could literally hear his **bones** chattering.

_'Why do you keep adding fuel to the fire?'_ Rito panicked as Ryouko dragged him off.

* * *

**Outside the Locker Rooms**

"What was that all about?" Hissed Rito angrily.

"Well, I'm a doctor and I'm so well-built that people just kept coming to me for advice and it eventually turned into what you saw." Ryouko explained as she handed him the bag Mikan had packed for him.

"That's not what I meant!" He panicked as he took the bag. Justified, given the many angry glares he was getting from men and women throughout the gym.

"I know." She said as she quickly walked into the lady's changing room.

"Ryouko, wait a-" He began before a harsh tug backwards caused him some mild choking. "What was tha-" He stopped when he saw who'd pulled him back.

"Hey there,** Ri-to**." Growled the large man he'd seen earlier. "What brings you to this gym?"

"Um, well, Ryouko brought me here for-Hieeee!" He began weekly before the large man punched the wall next to his head.

"I think you mean Ryouko-**sama**. Right **Ri-to**?" Growled the large man again. "Even I call her that, and I'm the strongest man in this gym."

"R-Right, Ryouko-sama." Agreed Rito pathetically as he noticed everyone else in the room turn away.

The large man just glared at him for a few seconds. "You know something kid?" He finally said. "I don't like you. Do you know why?" Rito shook his head weakly. "It's because you think you're good enough for Ryouko. In fact, you think you're **too** good for just her, playboy."

"I-I never said-"

"Shut-up." The large man cut him off. "Let me tell you something brat. You may think that you're good enough for Ryouko-sama, but I say otherwise, and in this gym, what I say, goes. **Understand**?" He growled.

Rito was panicking. Normally he'd be too frightened to go against anything someone as big and angry as this guy said, but for some reason, some small part of him felt defiant. He couldn't completely explain it, but he just felt like this guy was someone he had to take down. It was completely ridiculous. The guy was obviously too dangerous for him to do anything about, but he just couldn't stand the sight of this guy acting like he owned the place, and Ryouko too! He knew that a guy like this was a selfish jerk of a very high caliber, but he couldn't exactly do anything about it. Ergo, the next words out of Rito's mouth, and actions his body took, surprised even himself.

"Why don't you just drop dead?" He deadpanned as he swiftly kneed the large man square in his family jewels. _'What did I just do?'_ Panicked Rito as he got a good look at the large man's face, which was currently distorted in a lot of pain. Feeling the strange burst of courage and nerve he just felt evaporate instantly, he opted for an escape plan. "I-I'm sorry! I've gotta go!" He panicked and fled into the men's changing room.

"That... little... brat..." Squeaked the large man in a helium voice. He quickly looked around in an effort to find the brat who had the nerve to kick him in the nuts, and only found people looking **away** from the incident that had just taken place. "Dammit." He cursed, knowing that there were no witnesses to the blow he'd just recieved because everyone was too scared of **him** to even pay attention to his 'conversation' with the brat. Sure, he could try to threaten one of the other people at the gym to vouch for him against the guy, but people have a way of being too obvious when they're lying under pressure, as a few witnesses to some of his scrapes with the law in the past can attest to, some of which were still in body casts. "That brat's going down." He squeaked.

* * *

**After Changing**

_'What just came over me?' _Thought Rito, a bit more calm than before. _'I've never hit anyone before. Sure, I may have tried once or twice in dangerous situations before, but I've never actually managed to hurt anyone. And what was with my attitude? I've never been so... so... I don't know what to call it, but I definitely don't act like that normally.'_ Before he could toy with the idea further, his thoughts were interrupted.

"Ah, Rito, there you are." Came Ryouko's voice from behind him.

"Ryouko," Sighed Rito as he turned to her. "I really need to..." He suddenly trailed off.

"Hm, I see you like my outfit, Rito." Ryouko cooed pleasantly and posed once she noticed what was grabbing his attention.

Rito had to admit that her outfit certainly was appealing. She wore a sports bra, which did a poor job of covering her cleavage, and a sarong that was opened on one side, showcasing one highly toned leg, both of which were a vivid shade of red to match her hair. A little under dressed, revealing, and not to mention sexy she was, though this was the norm for her. Fighting back a blush, Rito managed to quickly regain his nerves. "Yes, it's very nice Ryouko, but I really need to talk to you about-"

"I know what you want to talk to me about." Ryouko cut him off.

"Y-You do?" He asked, stupefied.

"Yes," She nodded. "I knew that every single man here would be furious if they found out I was spoken for."

Alarms quickly went off in Rito's head. "You knew that would happen!" He hissed, not wanting to draw any more attention than he already had.

"Of course I did Rito," She chuckled. "I'm trying to make you fall for me, and this is all part of that."

"How are the two related?" He panicked.

"That. Is. Secret~." She teased playfully. "If I told you how it works, it wouldn't work. It sorta works like magic in a way. Now come on," She said as she grabbed him by the arm. "I told everyone I'd have you back by 6:00, so that leaves us with six hours to fill."

"Six hours?" Panicked Rito. "There's no way I can workout that long!"

"Don't worry, we'll break at 1:00 for lunch, and it takes about 30 minutes to drive from here to your house." She said before she got a seductive look on her face. "Not to mention that there's a sauna and pool." She breathed directly into his ear, sending chills up his spine. "Both of which are mandatory." Placing a seductive emphasis on each syllable of 'mandatory'.

Before Rito could open his mouth to object, he suddenly found himself walking on a treadmill. "What the..." He said, before it sped-up, forcing him to do the same.

"This is the start of the workout, Rito." Explained Ryouko, who was obviously going at a faster pace. "We'll spend 30 minutes doing this, before going onto the rest of the workout. 30 minutes of arm muscles. 30 minutes of leg muscles. 30 minutes of shoulder muscles. 30 minutes of the abdominal region. 30 minutes of pectorals. 30 minutes of back muscles. 30 minutes of swimming. 30 minutes in the sauna. And the remaining hour and a half will be spent on breaks." She explained as if it were no big deal.

"I'll die before we're done!" Exclaimed Rito.

"Actually, from what I've seen of your physical abilities, you could go on much longer than that." Ryouko replied. "Not many people could keep-up with the life you've been living, after all."

"Don't say that like it's a good thing." Whined Rito.

* * *

**About 5 Hours Later**

_'I can't believe how much it hurts.'_ Thought a barely conscious Rito from a bench, as he was too tired to even speak.

"Hey Rito," Panted a mildly tired Ryouko as she sat down next to him. "Was that a great workout or what?" Rito had no idea how she was still walking. All throughout the workout, she'd worked with at least five times as much weight on every routine as he did. Not to mention that each time he felt like he had almost gotten his strength back and his heart rate back to normal, Ryouko pulled him back onto a machine and got him working again.

"Uhhhhh." Groaned Rito, hoping his response would get his point across.

Ryouko chuckled. "I know it's hard on you, but the worst of it's over now. All that's left is to unwind in the sauna and then-"

"Uhhhhh." Groaned Rito, unable to protest in any other way.

Ryouko hummed as she thought over his response. "I see, you've already done enough sweating today, and you'd rather soak yourself instead."

Rito nodded weakly.

Ryouko smirked as she picked him up and cradled the boy in her arms. "I know just the place where you can get back some energy." She explained over his groans of protest as she carried him off.

Rito could do nothing but think as Ryouko carried him off to who-knows-where. _'Is this what Ryouko felt like after she got off of Lala's machine? Is this what it was like for her in my arms?' _If he wasn't in so much pain he would have been more embarrassed. _'This isn't so bad, but I really wish it wasn't so public, and that I knew where I was going, and that she wasn't pressing my face into her chest... Yeah, this is pretty bad, isn't it?'_ He realized dully. _'I'm completely at her mercy, even though she probably cares about my feelings enough to not do anything really serious when I'm like this, but I still have no clue where she's taking me. And why am I so calm? Am I so tired that things like logic don't really matter anymore? Was Ryouko this relaxed when she was exhausted? I feel like I can see everything in my head so much more clearly. Maybe that's why Ryouko confessed to me after she woke-up from her workout induced coma, because she was so lightheaded she could see her own thought in a much clearer way, and deep down she realized that she loved me. Maybe I could figure out my own love troubles while I'm like this too.'_

The small part of his brain that was still thinking less clearly than the rest of him saw this as a great opportunity, but also as a double-edged sword. _'Let's see, who do I love? I know that I love Haruna and Lala, that's not changing. I know I should feel a little creeped out at this, but I don't. What about Ryouko, though? I really like her, but I don't think that I love her, do I? Then what do I feel for her? I think it may be like that time Lala's sisters made me tell her how I feel about her in that video game they made. I like her enough to almost love her, but not quite. Given what's happened so far, if we go on one more date, I'm pretty sure it could become love. That would be... WHAT THE HELL AM I THINKING?'_ He panicked as his more logical mind started to come back to him._ 'Ryouko! Me! Why would I... Why is my shirt coming off and why am I wet?'_ He thought as he managed to open his eyes.

"Ah, I see you're doing well." Said Ryouko as she came into focus in Rito's eyes. "I decided that a good soak in a hot tub would do you some good." Rito nodded thankfully. "I'll be right back with some towels." She said as she walked off.

A few second passed before Rito noticed something odd out of the corner of his eye. It was the large man he'd kneed in the jewels earlier. The words 'not good' came to mind.

"Finally," Smirked the large man. "I was beginning to think that she'd never leave your side." Rito knew he had to get away, but he still couldn't move. "I've **really** wanted to thank you for our last encounter." Rito had no idea how that had happened. "And now that you can't move, I think it's time for a little-" He didn't get the chance to finish that sentence, since something sent him flying halfway across the gym.

It was Rito's fist.

_'How did that happen?'_ Wondered Rito as he vaguely felt his fist throbbing. _'First with the knee, and now this. Something weird is going on here.'_

"I'm back Rito." Said Ryouko as she slipped off her sarong, revealing a pair of red boyshorts swimwear underneath, and stepped into the hot tub. "Anything happen while I was gone?"

_'Yes, something happened, but I don't know what.'_ He thought, as he was too tired to talk right now. Suddenly, he felt himself being turned over on his stomach, and something soft rubbing up against his back (no, it's not what you think it is, you perverts, so stop fantasizing). Unable to communicate properly, he had to settle for groaning once again.

"You seemed a little tense," Observed Ryouko. "So I decided to scrub your back to help you unwind. I'm using a towel right now, but I could switch to something else if you wanted." She whispered into his ear as she rubbed her chest into his back slightly (okay, now it's what you think it, so feel free to fantasize). "Maybe on our next date, **you **could wash **my **back?" She suggested.

Rito just groaned.

* * *

"Yo ho ho ho ho ho." Chuckled Sallem as he observed the scene from the same hot tub Rito and Ryouko (such is the benefit of spying on someone who's too tired to see straight or hear anything without a slight ringing to it, not to mention it's a public hot tub, so it's pretty big). He had to admit, everyone else at the gym was taking his external machinery, ears, and scar much better than he thought they would. They only stayed away from the area he was in instead of outright leaving the gym. "Everything's going according to plan."

"How is this according to plan?" Scoffed Benitsubasa. "All that's happened today is us getting sweaty."

"He probably has a reason, I think." Retorted Haihane uncertainly. "What is the reason, anyway?"

Sallem looked very serious for a few moments before replying. "You three and Ryouko are wearing the same outfits." He deadpanned, receiving a slightly less than playful whack on his head from Karasuba and Benitsubasa for his troubles.

"Of course we're wearing the same outfits as her." Scowled Karasuba. "These are common sportswear after all."

"The color scheme is the same as on our last date." Haihane observed. "Do we really like these colors that much?"

"It took you that long to notice?" Scoffed Benitsubasa. "I just happen to think that red looks good on me, that's all."

"You know I can see right through you three." Teased Sallem. "I know that you're all wearing those colors because I said that they suited you. I even seem to recall you three going by, what was it again? Black Sekirei. Blue Sekirei. Red Sekirei. I think that was it." Benitsubasa and Haihane both blushed, while Karasuba just looked somewhat amused and somewhat annoyed.

"Just explain your logic so we can go home." Karasuba scolded.

"Right, right." Conceded Sallem as Chibi and Telly popped out of his exposed neck. "Could you two please play part 4 of my conversation with Ryouko on the subject of Rito?"

"Of course Sallem." Replied Telly. "Could you please get out the monitor, Chibi-Robo?"

"!" Said Chibi before he opened up the lid on his head and popped out a flat-screen TV, and four sets of headphones, which the quartet quickly put on (alien technology is obviously advanced enough to be waterproof).

* * *

**Flashback. ON TELEVISION!**

"...Employ a method I like to call, Richter Scale." Continued Sallem from the flashback in Chapter 14.

"Richter Scale?" Ryouko tested the word. "I know what that is, but what do earthquakes have to do with love?"

"It's an expression," Chuckled Sallem. "What it means is that you have to make the mood of the fourth date shake violently from one direction to another, like a needle on a Richter Scale."

"I think I get the general picture," Replied Ryouko. "But explain it to me, just to be sure."

"It's just as I say, you have to make him go from feeling good to feeling bad!" He explained dramatically. "Make him enjoy the date then make him hate it! You have to show him both sides to a relationship in quick succession over and over and over again in order to catch him off guard! This is how lifelong relationships are born, and this is how they work! But beware, for this method is a double-edged blade. If the fourth date doesn't end on a good note, your chances of winning Rito over by the time your five dates are over will shoot down to less than 1%." He explained sternly.

"And where exactly do you suggest I go with Rito to achieve this?"

"It's rather simple. Where is the one place where a woman of your appearance will be irresistible? Where is this place where someone will constantly be pushed to the limit of joy and sorrow? Where will you be able to make him really **sweat**?" He placed a slight emphasis on sweat.

"Hmmmm," Ryouko thought it over. "A gym?"

"Exactly!" He exclaimed happily. "But if you want this method to work to the fullest potential, you'll have to go to the gym during most of your downtime, at least until your date with him there, and wait until he begins to recover from the shock of the third date, because that's when his feelings for you will reach a peak. I'll keep an eye on him and tell you when that time comes." He put his foot on a chair and pointed at her dramatically. "If it works the tremors of emotions will catapult his feelings for you to an all time high!"

"You certainly have a flair for drama," Observed Ryouko playfully. "And how do I go about getting him to fall for me completely on the fifth date?"

"Ah yes, the fifth date." Sallem said coolly. "For that I have to recommend..."

**End Flashback. ON TELEVISION!  
**

**

* * *

**"That was rather interesting," Observed Karasuba. "Though the fact that you recorded this is rather disturbing."

"I record a lot of stuff." Brushed off Sallem. "Even now, Gong and Accordion are recording every important detail of their date."

"Why would you do that?" Said a slightly disturbed Benitsubasa. "It's kinda creepy."

"He's probably just recording it so he can watch it again later." Said Haihane.

"Exactly, I'm just creepy like that." Said Sallem proudly.

"There's just one thing I don't get though." Observed Karasuba. "How did Rito manage to hurt that large man so badly?"

"I have Momo to thank for that." Began Sallem, gaining him some odd stares. "She's able to talk to and summon plants, so I had her call-up a few with pollen, spores and other parts that could be used to cause some... 'unusual' effects in a person."

"Define 'unusual'." Asked Karasuba suspiciously.

"By 'unusual' I mean; making a person super strong, or highly out of character for brief moments." Sallem explained. "It helps even more when you hit the right pressure points in the foot on the same day as the application of the plants."

"You drugged him." Karasuba clarified.

"Nothing that will harm him in the long run, but yes. I drugged him."

* * *

**Rito's House - After the Date**

"Why is Rito so tired?" Asked Mikan as Rito and Ryouko walked into his house, though 'walked' would perhaps not be the best term to describe how Rito entered.

"So tired." Groaned Rito as he limped over to the couch and fell onto it.

"I think maybe I pushed him too hard." Chuckled Ryouko as she walked over to Rito. "I had a great time though. You're such a strong young man." She said as she bent over and kissed him on the cheek. "I look forward to our next date, or whenever I next see you again." Rito, in his barely conscious state, smiled with whatever glee he could feel at the moment as Ryouko took her leave with a similar grin on her own face.

* * *

Hope you all liked it. I promise that the next chapter will be shorter. By my count, I think that there will be three chapters left after this one. I don't know exactly when those three chapters will be out, but it won't be any more than one week per chapter from now until this story is done.


	17. The Merc with the Mouth

Yo ho ho ho ho ho ho! How is everyone doing? I'm on a writing roll here! I've been working extra hard on this chapter, so appreciate it!

Just kidding. I write this part first so I have no idea how much work I'm going to put into it. Just know that I always try my best, because the few people who read this stuff deserve it.

"One more thing!" Strange as it may sound, I'm seriously contemplating suicide. I don't know why, I just am. I have a good life, so why would I even be thinking about something like that? SOMEBODY **PLEASE** TALK ME OUT OF IT BEFORE I STOP QUESTIONING THE SANITY OF THE IDEA!

* * *

**A Brief Cut from the Action**

We fade away to a dimly lit room with many monitors, buttons, and various kitchen appliances. On two seats in front of the monitors are a man we all love to hate (or hate to love, depending on your point of view). Sallem Cortez. Sitting next to him is a man in a red and black jumpsuit, with various guns, explosives, and other weapons strapped to and hidden on his person.

As they were observing the monitors, Sallem, with his canine hearing, heard us approaching. "Oh," He says as he takes notice of us. "You're early. We weren't expecting you for another few chapters to be honest." He said as he scratches the back of his head sheepishly. "Well, since you're here anyway, allow us to introduce ourselves. You already know me as Sallem Cortez, otherwise known as the man who likes to mess with love lives and be a big pest to anyone who pisses me off." He chuckled under his breath. "For those of you who're wondering who my friend is, I think it would be best if he introduce himself in the most dramatic and hilarious way possible, as is his nature. Wouldn't you agree?" He asked as he turned to his friend.

"I think that would be an excellent idea my sadistic friend!" Exclaimed the man in red and black as he turned his chair around. "For those of you who don't already know me, I think a proper introduction is in order!" He said as he stood up. "I've been called many things in my time!" He began dramatically. "The Regenerating Degenerate! The Crimson Nutcase! The Merc with the Mouth! Please! Put your hands together foooooor~ **DEADPOOOOOOL~!**" Deadpool introduced himself like a professional wrestler.

"Thank you Deadpool, I think they get the picture." Chuckled Sallem as he pulled Deadpool back down to-.

"Wait a minute!" Deadpool cut off the narrator. "I'm not going to sit back down! I have so many things I want to say! So many things I want to do! So many women I want to-!"

That's enough Deadpool. Scolded the narrator. Sallem brought you here to help explain a few things and entertain the readers, and that's exactly what you're going to do. So sit back down and help him out with what he brought you here to do! Needless to say, the narrator was pissed of about being interrupted.

"Alright, fine." Groaned Deadpool. "But can't I at least stand? I've been sitting on my duff, watching Sallem's hilarious exploits for six hours now. My but needs a break."

Fine. Conceded the narrator.

"Alright, this works for me." Shrugged Sallem indifferently. "Now Deadpool, would you mind explaining exactly what it says on your script?"

"Script?" Asked a befuddled Deadpool. "I have a script? I usually just wing these things."

"Deadpool, I distinctly recall giving you a script for this chapter." Said Sallem sternly.

"Oh, that paper?" Realized Deadpool. "I used it as kindling to cook those chili dogs we had for lunch."

"Great, there goes three hours of work down the tubes." Groaned Sallem. "Alright, forget the script. Let's just start by explaining what we're doing here and branch out from there."

"Sounds good to me." Agreed De-. "Like I said, that's how I work. I come up with my own lines in real time. And guess what? They're always funny! Every single thing that comes out of my mouth, even when it's barf instead of words, is hilarious! I'm just like David Letterman. There's no off position on my genius switch! Hey, can we go out for-."

Enough! Interrupted the narrator again. At least let me say what needs to be said! I can't believe Sallem let **you** of all people in this chapter! Every time. **Every time **you get put into a story on this site, **I'm** always made a fool of! What do you have against me anyway?

"It's not really that I have anything against you personally. It's just that I think you have too many lines as it is. When you really think about it, **you're **always the one getting to say **everything **in **every **story about how people look, or how they're talking, or blah, blah, blah. Give the rest of us a turn already, will ya?"

Why you little-!

"Enough!" Shouted Sa-. "You shut-up too! I brought Deadpool here because I couldn't think of any other way to give this chapter a decent length, and then this happens! If you two aren't going to do anything productive, then go sit in the corner!"

"Sorry Sallem. We'll be good." Conceded Deadpool. "I'm just more used to yellow and white boxes than plain text, that's all." It's true.

"Good. It's nice to see you two getting along." Said Sallem gruffly. "So, now that I've explained what we're doing here to the readers, would you mind filling this chapter with your personal review?"

"Don't mind if I do." Said Deadpool happily. "Well, personally, I think that you're making a huge mistake with this story and yourself. Don't get me wrong, I like To Love-Ru as much as the next pervert, well, maybe not as the next pervert, since ya gotta admit that some of those guys are just plain creepy, especially the people who come up with this stuff in the first place. I mean, manga like Eiken may as well just be labeled as fetish fuel on paperback. Neither of us even reads it, and even we know that much from how people complain about it on the internet. Hello! If you have such a big problem with that kinda stuff then why the hell are you even reading it in the first place? And speaking of just plain god-awful stuff, what about that Christian Weston Chandler nutjob? He gives even **me **the creeps! And I've only heard rumors about him from my neighbor who actually blogs about this kinda messed-up shit! Just imagine how screwed-up this guy must be in person! But back to my point, you're a total Mary Sue. You're too powerful of a character. It's the biggest mistake a SI fic can make, aside from just plain awful writing, but that kills about 9 out of 10 fics anyway. So what do you have to say for yourself about that?"

"An excellent point." Conceded Sallem. "What you say is true. I am a too powerful. So in order to make things more fun for myself and the readers, I only use what I've got when it's totally necessary, and I stick to things like matchmaking, which you can't really cheat on unless you make people jump the gun and get married like two days after they start out. That may have worked a few hundred years ago when people were all shallow gold-diggers and women didn't have **any** rights. But these days it takes a lot more than just slaying a dragon or being rich or ruggedly handsome to win someone over. I think of myself as nothing more than a guide for couples or harems that would take a lot longer to happen without my help. If they ever did happen."

"I see," Muttered Deadpool. "And I totally agree! What you just said makes perfect sense! Who cares if you you're as powerful as Jack Rakan or Chuck Norris if the story doesn't even focus on you?"

"First of all, I'm **stronger** than Chuck Norris. Second, I'm not as powerful as Jack Rakan, no one but Negi and Nagi are. I'd mention Whitebeard too, but I'm pretty sure that the guy was actually **stronger** than Jack Rakan. Third, you've just made me think of something important." Listed Sallem. "We both have a history of making references to other works, and I even have characters from other works in my stories. Just last chapter I made a reference to a manga that no one but the most sick and twisted horror loving manga fans should know about."

"Huh, good point." Agreed Deadpool. "So why do you do that? I know why I do it, but I highly doubt that you have regeneration powers and a cancer-riddled body."

"It's quite simple actually. I'm just a shameless plug." Deadpool and the narrator gave him odd stares. "Perhaps it would be best if I explained. You see, I'm trying hard to get as many visitors as I can, and the best way for me to do that is to put references to my other stories in each story, and establish some sense of continuity through my works. It's the same basic idea that motivates some writers to write a series of books, instead of just putting everything into one story, except that they replace 'visitors' with 'consumers'. The references to published works just came naturally."

"That's understandable," Conceded Deadpool. "I actually have almost the same problem myself. I just can't stop referencing stuff. Like just last issue when I-"

"Let's start the real chapter now before I actually have to read Deadpool comics." Cut in Sallem.

"What! You've never even read my work!" Sai-. "Not now Narrator! You're an insensitive jerkass! How dare you even think about referencing something when you have no idea-!"

* * *

**Real Chapter - 5 Days Later - After School** ("Hey! Don't cut me off!")

"Hey Rito! How ya doing?" Said Sallem loudly as he slapped Rito on the back. A playful gesture to an observer, but Sallem had put enough force in his slap to really hurt.

"Have you had your medicine yet today?" Groaned Rito as he rubbed his now aching shoulder.

"Yes I have, but remember, these things tend to slip through every few days." Reminded Sallem. "Anyway, how are tricks? Has Lala caused ya any trouble lately? Has Yami-chan pummeled you in the last few days? Has Yui called you shameless recently? Has Ryouko asked you out for your fifth date yet? Tell me! Tell me! Tell me!" He said excitedly.

Rito let out a long sigh before replying. "Lala hasn't caused much trouble since you arrived, aside from three days ago when one of her inventions blew-up again, leaving me half naked in public, again. Yami-chan's beaten me a little harder than usual recently, though I hardly ever see her around anymore. Yui calls me shameless more often than usual, and I suspect that it has something to do with you following me around. And I haven't even seen Ryouko since our last date. Does that answer all your questions?" Rito deserved much credit for being able to remember all of Sallem's questions in order, but Sallem had been asking Rito rapid-fire questions frequently since his arrival, so it's understandable that he'd get used to it.

"All of my questions? Far from it. Just the ones I asked you? Yes." Replied Sallem with a cocky grin. "All things considered, your life seems to be rather quiet recently compared to what Mikan told me about how things usually are for you."

"What do you mean?" Asked Rito curiously.

"For one thing, you seem to be seeing and groping a lot less of the female body." Sallem joked to a now blushing Rito. "For another, you're in a rather stable relationship with a rather attractive woman, whether you like it or not."

"Go ahead and laugh, my next date with Ryouko will be the last one I owe her." Rito pointed out.

"Hurtful~." Observed Sallem. "You don't have to say it like that. What if Ryouko had heard you say that just now?"

"If I heard what just now?" Asked Ryouko from behind them.

"Ah! R-R-Ryouko! I didn't mean! What I meant to say was! I, er, I." Yammered Rito.

Sallem gave the stuttering boy another painful pat on the back. "Try syllables and sentences, Rito. What are you doing here Ryouko? From what Rito said you haven't been anywhere near him for the past few days."

"I've just been doing my job and thinking about how to spend my fifth date with Rito," Replied Ryouko. "And I'm almost ready for it. I just need to wait until the weekend before it can happen."

"Really?" Asked Rito curiously. "Well in that case, I suppose I'll see you then."

"You seem rather calm about this." Observed Ryouko with a playful glint in her eyes that didn't even faze Rito for once. "I might have to change that during our next date." She pretended to think it over for a few seconds. "Perhaps I could just walk around naked during the whole date." Now Rito was panicking.

"N-Now wait a second!" Exclaimed Rito. "There's no need to do anything like that, is there? I mean, you can't exactly walk around naked in public, after all." He pointed out hopefully.

"Who said we'd be in public?" Asked Ryouko teasingly. "Our fifth date could be at my house again for all you know."

_'Damn it!'_ Panicked Rito. _'She just had to figure that out!'_

"I'll see you on Saturday, Rito." Ryouko said as she knelt down and planted a kiss on his cheek before walking off.

Rito was frozen with a noticeable blush on his face. _'I can't believe that she would do something like that in such a public place.' _He thought, before something occurred to him._ 'Actually, on second thought, I can believe it.' _He thought calmly, at least until something else occurred to him. _'Wait a second... Public place?'_ He heard a slight growling coming from behind him, prompting him to slowly and fearfully turn to see what it was.

"Rito." Growled Saruyama, as he and a pack of angry looking guys formed behind him. "You already have Lala, and yet you feel the need to go after the 'hot-even-when-she's-buff' Mikado-sensei too." Rito knew he was in big trouble.

"Sallem!" Rito panicked as he grabbed onto Sallem's collar desperately. "You've gotta help me! Use that teleporter remote of yours to get me outta here!"

"Teleporter remote?" Sallem wondered with his sadist face. "What on earth are you talking about?"

_'I'm on my own!'_ Realized Rito fearfully as he ran away screaming, an angry mob of jealous men chasing after him.

"That was funny." Observed Sallem, still in his sadist face. "And now it's just getting sad." He continued with a bored expression after five seconds. "I guess I'd better go help the guy... but that doesn't mean I can't have some more fun while I'm at it, now does it?" He said in his demonic face as he raced off after Rito.

_'I'm so dead! I'm so dead! I'm so dead!'_ Panicked Rito in his head, over and over again as he ran from the mob. _'Don't these people have anything better to do with their lives than get crazy jealous of others?'_

"I'm afraid that they don't." Deadpanned Sallem, shocking Rito into almost tripping.

"Stop reading my mind!" Exclaimed Rito. "And what are you doing here anyway? I thought you were planning on letting me get pummeled."

"If I let that happen, then how else am I supposed to have fun?" Asked Sallem wittily.

"So I'm basically just a way for you to get your kicks, huh?" Deadpanned Rito.

"More or less," Replied Sallem. "Now do you want me to get you outta here, or not?" He asked as he held up his remote.

"Please! Get me outta here!" Begged Rito.

"Not so fast, playboy." Teased Sallem. "If I do this for you, you gotta do something for me."

"What do you want." Groaned Rito, wondering if it might be worse than the mess he's in right now.

"Don't worry, it's nothing too bad." Sallem replied to his thoughts. "I'm just going to have you do some philosophical thinking, that's all."

"'Philosophical thinking'?" Parroted Rito, wondering if he'd heard right.

"That's right. Now do we have a deal, or not?" Sallem asked.

"Fine, just get me outta here!" Panicked Rito, as the mob was gaining.

"Alright! We're outta here!" Exclaimed Sallem as he pressed a button on his remote, and they vanished. However, Sallem, ever the witty one, had left behind holograms to keep running and distracting the pathetic mob until their three hour batteries ran out.

* * *

**In Front of Rito's House**

"I'm home." Panted Rito as he noticed where Sallem had warped them. "I'm safe."

"Yes you are, now I have a deal to collect on." Reminded Sallem.

"Right, the 'philosophical thinking'." Remembered Rito. "What was that all about?"

"I just want you to reflect on your life a bit." Explained Sallem calmly. "Do you remember when I threatened you with my guns?"

"How could I forget?" Shuddered Rito. The memory of that incident would likely follow him to the grave. "What about it?"

"Do you remember what I asked you?"

"I think it was... what girls could I name off the top of my head?" Rito guessed, he'd been more focused on the guns than anything else at the time.

"Exactly. And your response?"

"Well... I know that I said Lala, Haruna, and Ryouko, and I'm pretty sure I said Yami-chan, Yui, and... Run too."

**"BANG!"**

"GAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!" Panicked Rito as he crouched low to the ground.

"I'm just kidding." Chuckled Sallem. "I only said 'bang', I didn't actually shoot anything."

"That wasn't funny." Grumbled Rito as he got up.

"It was for me." Pointed out Sallem. "Now back to my point. I want you to ponder your relationship with each of those women, **besides Run**, for the duration of my stay on this planet. Do that, and you can consider your debt repaid."

Rito just stared dumbly at him for a few seconds. _'He's probably trying to set me up with all of them.'_ Realized Rito once he recalled that one of his hobbies was matchmaking.

"Of course." Replied Sallem to his thoughts in his sadist face. "Somebody give me points for honesty."

(I'll give you points for honesty!) Exclaimed Deadpool from the room Sallem had left him in. (Even though I still don't appreciate you not reading my comics!)

"Hardly anybody reads American comic books these days." Sallem replied to Deadpool, confusing Rito mildly. "If you'll excuse me, Rito. I have other business to attend to right now." He said before he pressed a button on his remote and disappeared.

* * *

**Back to a Brief Cut from the Action**

"Hey Deadpool." Greeted Sallem as he appeared in the room. "Mind if we pick-up where we left off?"

"Not at all." Replied Deadpool calmly. *Ahem* "-Exactly what the original is really like!" He picked-up **exactly **where he left off. "Especially when you're referencing something as great as me! And another thing-!"

"Deadpool!" Intervened Sallem sternly, though still somewhat playful. "When I asked if we could pick-up where we left off, what I meant was, could we get back to our discussion?"

"Oh, yeah, the discussion, sure." Realized Deadpool. "So let's see here... ummmm... Oh, I got it!" He said as he snapped his fingers. "I seem to recall you saying something along the lines of 'I don't like fanfics that seriously conflict with the canon', and yet from what I've read of the most recent Sekirei chapters, your first completed fic does just that. Now **I** understand the reasons for that, but would you mind explaining it for some of our less intelligent readers? Like the ones in third-world countries that never do anything greater than give the rest of the world cheep labor or commit suicide bombings."

"I'd be happy to Deadpool." Sallem agreed cordially. "You see everyone, when I said that I don't like stuff that seriously conflicts with the canon, I wasn't **nearly** specific enough. You see everyone, the way I see it, there are **four** major sins when it comes to writing a fanfic." He said as he held up his right fist.

"Sin number one!" Sallem shouted as he flipped his index finger up. "OOC! People read a fanfic to see characters they like in scenarios that they wouldn't see in the original. Which means that, unless a **damn good **reason for OOC is given in the fanfic in question or a fanfic in the same continuity, such as character development or some kind of believable personality changing phenomenon, like pregnancy based mood swings, some kind of chemical, or something else along those lines, it is unacceptable!"

"Sin number two!" Sallem shouted as he flipped his middle finger up. "Plot Holes! People read a fanfic to see characters they like in scenarios that they wouldn't see in the original. Which means that you have to make everything flow together without making any unrepairable plot holes. For example, if you were to make it so that there's no afterlife in To Love-Ru, then that would directly conflict with the fact that Oshizu's a ghost! A way to get around this is to make any original ideas you have easy to mesh with canon, regardless of any future developments. Using this method, you could even change someone's background so long as it doesn't change any major events taking place in the main timeline of your story that you aren't already addressing in the story. This is the only sin that's forgivable in AU fics and fics taking place in an alternate timeline, since they have no connection to the original aside from the likeness of everything in the story that you use."

"Sin number three!" Sallem shouted as he flipped his ring finger up. "Unbelievability! People read a fanfic to see characters they like in scenarios that they wouldn't see in the original. Which means that you have to make everything believable within the context of the story! For example, having a Devil Fruit user who can swim! A way around this would be applying already existing powers in a new, though still believable way."

"Sin number four!" Sallem shouted as he flipped his little finger up. "Poor Writing! Need I say more?"

"That. Was. AMAZING!" Exclaimed Deadpool as he shot up from his chair. "I'm sure that you've just made a lot of aspiring authors over the age of 30 who still live in their parent's basements **very **happy with that rant just now."

"I wouldn't exactly go that far Deadpool." Said Sallem sheepishly as he scratched the back of his head. "I just pointed out what should be obvious to any decent fanfic writer, and even more obvious to any professional writer. But I'd just like to remind everyone that each of these sins is forgivable to a certain extent for fanfic writers, as no one can perfectly match-up with a story that's not theirs, especially if the series is still ongoing."

"You are a very wise man." Said Deadpool as he did an awesome break dance. "You should really post these lessons on your profile."

"Thanks Deadpool. If the readers think that I should, I'll do just that." Said Sallem happily. "Now let's get the hell outta here, those chili dogs are beginning to work their magic. If you know what I mean." Deadpool let out a long, loud, and stinky fart. "Ugh! And I think you do."

* * *

Yeah, funny story everyone. I actually finished this chapter on **Monday**, but I felt like waiting until Wednesday to put it out. That way, I'd have more time to work on the next chapter before my 'at-least-one-chapter-per-week' deadline arrived.


	18. Revelations

I'm doing well in the writing department. If things keep going like this, you can expect the final chapter in less than a week, but no promises.

"One more thing!" Could someone give me some ideas on how to go about doing the next volume? I'm not going to spoil anything, but if you've been paying attention so far it should give you some ideas of what's to happen. If you have any ideas, please let me know.

"One more thing!" I'm not sure whether or not they have school on Saturdays in Japan, so for the sake of this fic, I'm making it so that they don't.

"One more thing!" This is my second longest chapter in this story yet, so I'm asking politely for any readers with an account on this site to review.

"One more thing!" This is weird to admit, but I actually get most of my ideas for this story from a show about two fat people in love called 'Mike & Molly'. It may sound strange, but it's actually a very good romance series, that showcases several real aspects of a good, healthy relationship. It's on every Monday night on CBS at 8:30. Check it out if you have the time.

* * *

**Saturday Morning - Rito's House**

"Rise and shine, Playboystien." Breathed Sallem in a grizzly tone into a sleeping Rito's ear.

"GAAHHHH!" Exclaimed Rito as he bolted upright at how he was woken. "GAAHHHH!" He exclaimed when he saw Sallem's face. Nothing against the guy personally, but seeing someone with half their face torn off first thing in the morning would freak anyone out. "Will you stop tormenting me?" He groaned.

"Not any time before I take my medication I won't." Replied Sallem bluntly. "You're just too much fun to harass. I especially like how you always overreact to every little thing. It's almost as much fun as making Run's life miserable."

"What did you do to her today?" Sighed Rito.

"Today? Nothing. It's too early, and I don't have any plans to do so anyway. Yesterday? Again, nothing. Zastin had another date with Saki, Aya, and Rin. He began teaching Rin some sword techniques, began teaching Aya some of the basics of manga, and Saki began teaching him how to cook, which kinda surprised me since she didn't strike me as the housewife type at all, and most of her dishes are good enough for four or five star restaurants, believe it or not. Two days ago, however? Run had a concert, so I decided to plant firecrackers on the stage. Run was tortured, but everyone else just thought it was all a part of the act. Even the part where her dress caught fire." Sallem replied humorously.

"Why do you keep pulling pranks on her?" Asked Rito, genuinely interested.

"It's not just her I torment. I'll prank anyone if I know I can get away with it, which, of course, is almost everyone." Explained Sallem. "Like that time with you and the bear trap."

"What bear trap?" Asked Rito fearfully.

"Oh right, I haven't pulled that one on you yet." Sallem hummed as he scratched his chin thoughtfully. "Well then forget it. It won't work if you already know it's coming."

"Thanks... I think?" Replied Rito uncertainly.

"Don't mention it." Replied Sallem as if Rito hadn't added the 'I think' part to the end. "Now if you'll excuse me, **I **need to take my medication, and** you** need to get downstairs for your date with Ryouko."

"Alright." Sighed Rito before he completely took in what Sallem had said. "...Wait. Ryouko's already here?"

"Yes, yes she is." He replied happily in his sadist face. "Now get downstairs before I decide to violently throw a chair at your head."

"Right away!" Panicked Rito, fully aware that Sallem wouldn't hesitate to follow through on that threat since he hadn't had his medication yet.

* * *

**Downstairs**

"So Ryouko, it's finally your fifth date with Rito." Observed Mikan. "Do you think you can get him by the time it's over?"

"I'm not really sure." Replied Ryouko honestly. "Truth be told, I'm a little scared he won't fall for me before it's over, and then I won't have any way to make him go out with me again."

Mikan mulled the idea over for a few seconds. "I guess you do have a point. Rito doesn't seem like the type for polygamy."

"What's polygamy?" Asked Lala curiously.

"It's basically where one person get married to multiple members of the opposite sex." Explained Ryouko. "The most common way to go about it is to have one man and multiple women."

"Oh, well then Rito's definitely the type for polygamy." Said Lala happily.

"Why would you say that, Lala?" Asked Mikan in bewilderment.

"Oh!" Lala said when she realized her blunder. She had sworn not to tell **anyone** about Haruna's feelings for Rito... But she **hadn't **sworn not to tell anyone about Rito's feelings for Haruna. "Well, Rito told me that he loved me **and** Haruna a little over a month ago." Everyone just stared at her. Momo looked happiest, followed by Ryouko, while Mikan look a little disturbed, and Nana looked mortified. "Just don't tell anyone! It's supposed to be a secret!" She hastily added.

"Onee-sama!" Exclaimed Nana. "How can you be okay with that?"

"It's very simple washboard," Insulted Sallem as he came downstairs. "Lala simply doesn't care about how many people get into a relationship with Rito, just so long as she's one of those people."

"Don't call me washboard!" Exclaimed Nana as she threw the nearest available heavy object at Sallem...

Who casually dodged it and it ended up hitting Rito in the side of his head as he came downstairs, knocking him out, and sending him tumbling down the stairs in a heap. Awkward silence ensued.

"Well... That could have gone somewhat better." Deadpanned Sallem. "At least now Ryouko can take him off our hands for the day without much of a fuss."

"I... guess you have a point." Observed Ryouko. "But don't you think he'll find it weird when he suddenly wakes-up in my car or my house?"

"Yes." Drawled Sallem. "That would be a good thing."

"You're sick." Observed Nana.

"And you're aggressive." Rebuked Sallem.

"Why you little-!" Growled Nana as she reached for something else to throw.

"1) You're just proving my point. And 2) I'm not the little one here, you are." Taunted Sallem.

"I'M GONNA KILL yoouuhohhuuuh~." Shouted Nana before her words started getting slurred.

"Hm~. Nana really needs to learn to watch her temper." Momo hummed as she toyed with Nana's tail.

"Why-hyyy, you little-little-LITTLE!" Nana growled as she lunged for and grabbed Momo's tail.

"Ahh~, ohh~, right there, right there." Momo moaned.

Everyone present (except Rito, who's recovering from a concussion, and Lala who was nervously empathizing with what was happening) just stared at them awkwardly.

"I'm getting very uncomfortable here." Said Sallem uncomfortably as he pulled out his remote. "Go play in traffic, you two." He said as he teleported them elsewhere. "You might wanna take Rito away before he wakes-up and starts asking questions I don't really feel like answering." He told Ryouko.

"Um... alright?" Conceded Ryouko uneasily as she went to carry Rito off. "I'm... not really sure what just happened here... And I saw the whole thing." She said as she went out the door.

There was a very long and awkward pause before Mikan broke the silence. "Did you really just teleport them into traffic?" She asked Sallem awkwardly.

Sallem said nothing in response. He just put on a pair of sunglasses, got out some kind of metal stick, there was a flash, then suddenly, Mikan and Lala were just staring vacantly into space in a trance._  
_

"Alright now," Began Sallem. "I just teleported Nana and Momo to a circus. They'll be back in a few hours. Rito and Ryouko are on their date... And just for the fun of it let's add that Yami-chan asked you two to help her win Rito over as she has a massive crush on him before she left nervously." Sallem said nothing more as he snapped his fingers, pressed a button on his remote, and vanished, all in one swift motion.

Lala and Mikan snapped out of their trance and looked at each other.

"I had no idea that Yami-chan felt that way about Rito." Said Mikan awkwardly.

"This is great!" Cheered Lala happily. "If Rito married Yami-chan too, then she would stop trying to kill him."

"She doesn't try to do that very much lately, anyway." Observed Mikan. "Though I guess we know why now."

* * *

**With Nana and Momo**

"Ahhh! Let go of my taiiiil~!" Wailed Nana.

"Not until you let go of miiiiine~!" Moaned Momo.

"I'll take your tail and shove it up your-!"

"He he he he." A chuckle cut Nana off.

Nana and Momo suddenly let go of each others tails and slowly turned towards the source of the chuckling. When they saw a panting, sweaty, stout man with circular sunglasses and a hairstyle that resembled horns, they only had one thing on their minds.

_**"RUN!"**_ They shouted in unison as they did just that.

"Waaaiiit!" Shouted the Principal as he took off after them in nothing but his boxers. "Come back and do that again!"

"No way!" They denied him as they picked up their pace.

"Wait a second..." Said Momo after running for a few minutes. "Why are we running when we have our cellphones?" She asked her sister, who just stared at her for a second.

"Of course!" Nana realized. "Let's pound this creep into next week!" She said as she and her sister reached for their cellphones...

Only for them to not be there.

"Where are our phones?" Panicked Nana.

"Sallem must have filtered them out of the teleportation." Realized Momo.

"Damn him!" Growled Nana. "What do we do now?"

"What else?" Riddled Momo. "Keep running!"

After about three more minutes of running, they heard someone screaming, a thud, and then they turned around while still running.

"Wh-Where am I?" Asked Run as she looked around.

"Run-chan." Mumbled the Principal happily from beneath Run's foot, looking up her skirt.

"KYYYYAAAAAAA!" Shouted Run as she took off at high speed.

"Waaaait! Come back Run-chaaan!" Shouted the Principal as he took off after her.

Nana and Momo just stared blankly in the direction they'd ran off in for a few seconds. "I think we're safe now." Realized Nana.

"I guess so." Agreed Momo. "Though I do feel kinda bad for Run."

"She's an idol." Shrugged Nana. "They've gotta stay in good shape to keep their job, or something like that."

"I guess so." Conceded Momo. "Besides, if worse comes to worse, she can probably find some way to make herself sneeze and turn into Ren. That should get him in the clear." (Yes, I know that the Principal doesn't really care which personality is in charge of Ren/Run's body, so long as they're in a skirt, but clearly Momo doesn't)

* * *

**With Rito and Ryouko**

"I know what you're thinking." Remarked Sallem as he looked at the screen. "I said that I didn't have any plans for Run, and yet I sent her to the Principal anyway. To that, I have one thing to say."

"I lied."

"Yeah, I do that, a lot. The sign that says **'With Rito and Ryouko'** right over this section is proof of that. But you're not here to see me being an evil genius." Sallem paused. "Well, I guess that's part of the reason, but this fic is labeled with Rito and Ryouko as the main characters, so let's get back to focusing on them, shall we? Now if you'll excuse me, I need to see a man about a chainsaw and a truckload of cake mix. Don't ask what it's for, you're better off not knowing."

* * *

**_Really_ With Rito and Ryouko**

"Uhhhg~." Groaned Rito as he rubbed his head. "What happened?" He looked around. "And more importantly, where am I?"

"You're at my house, Rito." Came Ryouko's voice, though Rito was currently too busy trying to get the world to stop spinning to find out where she was. "You took a pretty nasty spill back at your house, so I decided to take you here to help you recover, and get our date started." She playfully added.

"OK." Replied Rito, finally getting his head on straight again. As he looked around, he took notice of what was around him. There was a table, a big screen TV, the couch he was sitting on, and... Ryouko in a red bathrobe? "Ryouko." Rito began nervously. "Why are you wearing that?"

"What, this?" Asked Ryouko as she held out her arms. "I just felt like dressing casually, that's all."

"Well... alright then." Conceded Rito. "So what are we doing for this date?"

"I thought about that," Began Ryouko. "And I decided that, right now, all I want to do is just spend time with you."

Rito looked at her for a few seconds, highly puzzled. "That's it?" He asked. "You just want to spend time together?"

"Of course." She replied. "I can't think of anything better than just spending the entire weekend with the man I love, and no one else." She added suggestively.

Rito felt his face heat up slightly, but didn't let it deter him greatly. "So... we're just going to spend the weekend together?" Ryouko nodded. "But what about Oshizu?"

"She's spending her weekend at Haruna's house." Ryouko said as she sat on the couch. "It's just you and me. The whole weekend, all to ourselves." She breathed into his ear, flustering him a bit more.

Before Rito could say anything, his stomach beat him to the punch by letting out a loud rumbling. "I... haven't had breakfast yet." He said sheepishly as he scratched the back of his head.

"I'll get us something to eat then." Offered Ryouko. "What would you like?"

"Anything's fine, really." Replied Rito. "Just! Don't put anything... weird in it, okay?" He added hastily.

Ryouko just chuckled. "By 'weird' I assume you mean aphrodisiacs?" Rito nodded instantly. "Don't worry, I want things to be completely natural between us. If I have to drug you to get your attention, I'd rather be without it."

As Ryouko walked into the kitchen, Rito felt his face get even warmer. _'She really seems serious about this. Not that she didn't seem serious about it before, but she really wants to make this work.' _Many thoughts were whirling around in Rito's head at the moment. _'She's in the kitchen making breakfast. We're going to spend the whole weekend together. Could she have something planned for every minute? Probably not. Why the whole weekend then?'_ These and a few other thoughts were buzzing about in his head for a few minutes until Ryouko called him in for breakfast.

* * *

**Breakfast - 8:46 am  
**

"So, what's for breakfast?" Rito asked, only realizing how awkward it sounded after he asked.

"I had some leftover steak from last night and didn't really feel like working too hard this morning." Explained Ryouko as she set the half eaten meal on the table. "So how's school been going for you?"

"It's been alright." Rito replied as he started eating. "I haven't been the victim of much trouble lately, though I could have done without you kissing me in public two days ago." He shuddered as he recalled the memory.

"Sorry about that," Ryouko chuckled. "But I just couldn't help myself. And besides, it was just a kiss."

"One that was followed by me getting chased by a mob." Rito muttered under his breath.

"Oh my!" Gasped Ryouko. "I'm so sorry. I had no idea everyone would get so upset about it. Personally, I thought that most people had lost interest in me once I got to be this size."

"Well," Began Rito awkwardly. "Apparently you're 'hot-even-when-buff' or something like that."

"Really now?" Smiled Ryouko coyly. "Was it just the mob that thought that, or was that your sentiment too?"

"It was the mob!" Rito hastily exclaimed, totally red-faced.

"Don't even think about lying to me, young man." Taunted Ryouko. "There's no way you're not at least a little interested in my body after all you've seen of it over our past four dates." She said as she opened up her robe, revealing a lacy red bra and panties underneath.

Rito got a nosebleed.

* * *

**Afternoon - 4:47**

"C'mon Rito," Pleaded Ryouko playfully. "You've hardly said anything since this morning. At least tell me why."

"Why?" Asked Rito in astonishment. "You mean you really don't know?"

"Oh I know. I just want to hear you say why." Teased Ryouko.

"That's what I'm talking about." Sighed Rito. "You're always showing off your body and teasing me without any modesty."

"Is there something wrong with that?" Ryouko asked honestly. "I have my own sense of fashion, the same as everyone else. It's just that mine is a bit less modest than what most are used to."

"A bit?" Rito remarked sarcastically. "Do you have any idea how much of your body was showing on our third date? Or how, er, inviting the one you wore on our fourth date was?"

"I know exactly how much of my body I was flaunting on our third date." Remarked Ryouko. "And by 'inviting' I assume you mean 'it looked perfect for perverted fantasies'."

"Something like that." Muttered Rito.

"Rito, I'm just trying to make the most of the time we have together." Ryouko explained. "Wearing something more and more sexy with each date just felt like a good way to do that."

Rito stared at her for a few seconds. "Are you serious?" He asked.

"We've been going out for about three weeks now and you have to ask me that?" Ryouko asked sarcastically.

"Point taken." Said Rito grudgingly.

"Don't worry Rito," Reassured Ryouko. "My body was just part of the seduction." She happily noticed his face light-up slightly when she said 'seduction'. "Every moment I've spent with you. Everything I've talked with you about. Everything we've done together. All of it was just to show you the total package you'll get from me." She noticed Rito looked somewhat confused, as if he only understood half of what she said. "I'm smart, I'm sensitive, I'm playful, I'm sexy, I'm a hard worker, I'm a good cook, I can hold down a conversation, I'm yours if you'll have me, and I don't mind sharing you."

Rito's face burned. "I'm not like that!" He exclaimed.

"Yes you are, Rito." She corrected. "Lala told me about how you confessed to her **and **said that you liked Haruna too." She noticed him panic slightly. "Don't be too upset with her Rito. She's just too innocent to really understand things like that."

"I guess you're right." Sighed Rito. "I'm just not sure what to make of what I'm feeling right now."

"It's okay to feel the way you do." Comforted Ryouko. "So you love two girls at the same time. Lala's fine with that, Haruna seems like an understanding person, and I'd be more than happy if you'd make room for me in your heart too." She added flirtatiously at the end. Seeing Rito's face made her wonder if there were a more vivid shade of red. "All that really matters here now, is what **you** want to do about your feelings."

Rito paused for a few seconds to think about it. "I'm... not really sure." He finally admitted. "I just... feel like I'd be doing something wrong if I... were with more than one woman."

"There's nothing wrong with it." Rebuked Ryouko. "Believe it or not, there are a lot more planets out in the galaxy that allow, encourage, or even demand polygamy than those that don't. It would be more wrong if you didn't at least give it a shot."

Rito calmed down to the point where his blush was just a faint tint on his cheeks. "I... guess you have a point there." He admitted uncertainly. "Sallem actually said the same thing awhile ago."

"Well, he's not the smartest and most successful person in the galaxy for nothing." Ryouko replied. "Just let things flow naturally. If you wanna go out with someone else while you're with Lala, Haruna, myself, or someone else who doesn't mind sharing, I say go for it." She said happily. "Just don't get involved with any more than five women. Even I have limits." She finished with an eerily calm expression.

"Thanks... I think?" Rito said awkwardly. "I'm... pretty sure I needed to hear that. You've really made me feel better... at least for now." He said uncertainly. "But, could you do one more thing for me?"

"Of course Rito."

"PUT ON SOME CLOTHES!" Exclaimed Rito.

"But Rito," Whined Ryouko slightly. "I always spend the weekends in my underwear." She explained as she arched her back in a long stretch, showing off her minimally clothed body to the best of her ability. "I'm just trying to get you comfortable with this for when we get married."

"WHO SAID ANYTHING ABOUT THAT?" Exploded Rito.

* * *

**Night - 7:54**

"How did you like dinner, dear?" Asked Ryouko playfully.

"Will you stop calling me that?" Complained Rito. "It was pretty good. Better than the last two meals at least."

"Really?" Asked Ryouko curiously. "It was just rice, fish, and some vegetables. Lunch was much better than that."

"Yeah, but at least you were dressed this time." Rito muttered.

Ryouko chuckled at his innocence. "You're far to modest, you know that?"

"Maybe it's the other way around." Sarcastically muttered Rito as quietly as possible.

"Hey, I say if you've got it, flaunt it." Rebuked Ryouko.

"How did you hear that?" Asked Rito, honestly interested.

"Do you see these?" Ryouko asked as she brushed her hair aside, revealing her pointed ears. Rito nodded. "Well they're not just for show. My ears are **very** sensitive. Your words just now rang clear as a bell in them."

Rito's left eye twitched slightly. "So you can hear me even when I'm trying my best to be quiet?"

"That's right. I can see through you completely." Ryouko winked flirtatiously. "You can't keep any secrets from me."

_'Just what I need.'_ Thought Rito grimly. _'Someone else I can't keep any secrets from.'_

"It's getting pretty late," Remarked Ryouko, trying to ease Rito into a more comfortable zone of conversation. "But I really don't want this day to end so soon." And not doing a very good job of it, based on Rito's slightly flustered expression. "What would you say to a movie?" Finally he was calming down.

"A movie?" Parroted Rito curiously. "What did you have in mind?" There was the nervousness again.

"I have a decent selection over there." She replied as she gestured to a large box by the TV. "You can see if you like anything in there."

"Alright." Said Rito, unsure as to what he would find, especially given Ryouko's... less than modest nature. When he got a look at what was in the box, he was vaguely surprised. "_'The Man Who Knew Too Much'_, _'Strangers on a Train'_, _'Psycho'_,_ 'Rear Window'_? Why do all the covers on these DVDs look like they were taken with old cameras?"

"Because they were." Explained Ryouko. "I'm a fan of classic movies. Kinda silly, isn't it?" She admitted bashfully.

Rito shook his head. "Not at all. My dad sometimes watches these kind of movies when he needs inspiration for his work. He says that they're more creative than newer ones. I've actually seen a few of the movies you've got in here."

"What does your father do?" Asked Ryouko curiously.

"He's a Manga-ka." Rito replied as he continued to thumb through her movies.

"A Manga-ka?" Ryouko repeated in slight astonishment. "Wait a second... Your father wouldn't happen to be Saibai Yuuki, would he?"

"That's him. Why?" Asked Rito as he finally selected Rear Window.

"OH MY GOD!" Squealed Ryouko, slightly hurting Rito's ears. "Your father is **really** the famous Saibai Yuuki?"

"Yeah, what's the big deal?" Asked Rito as his hearing slowly came back to him.

"The 'big deal' is that your father is my favorite Manga-ka." She said happily. "I can't believe that I'm dating the son of my favorite writer." She sighed dreamily.

Rito's face twitched slightly as he put the movie in. "Why is he your favorite? He writes for Shonen Jump."

"Shonen Jump may be aimed at boys from preteen to teen, but it's women 21 and above who read it the most." She explained as Rito went to join her on the couch. "We have a lot of time on our hands and not much to fill it with."

"I guess that makes sense." He said as he sat down, only to have Ryouko immediately latch onto him. "Ryouko! What are you doing?"

"The man I love is at my house for the weekend, we're watching a movie together, and I just found out he's the son of my favorite writer? Of course I'm going to cuddle with him." She explained as she nestled her head into his shoulder. "I feel like I'm 16 again."

Despite himself, Rito suddenly found himself thinking about her last remark. While he was comfortable enough around her to consider her a friend, though just barely, he'd never really wondered what she was like when she was younger. _'I guess it just never occurred to me to ask her about that. I know she's been on this planet for about three years, and I know she used to be in the mafia, but other than that, all I know about her is what we've been through since she told me she was an alien.'_ Rito felt weird thinking about it like that, but he didn't quite know why. _'I know she's playful, not very modest, a fan of my dad's manga, has good taste in movies, is a good cook, a **great** doctor, very proud of her body, is good at just talking with someone for a long time, a hard worker, really attractive... Actually, I know a lot about her. And most of it is stuff I've only learned over our dates. She's... actually a really great person.' _Rito suddenly became aware that he was staring at her intently, and that his heart was beating at a mile a minute. _'Wh-What am I thinking? Just watch the movie, Rito! Don't pay attention to Ryouko right now!'_ He tried to pay attention to the movie, but he couldn't help the occasional sideways glance in Ryouko's direction.

* * *

**Night - 9:14**

"I'm so glad Rito's spending the weekend." Remarked Ryouko happily as she stepped out of the shower. "Even if it doesn't work out... I'm glad I've gotten the chance to get close to him." Her eyes became downcast. "If only Sallem had given me some better advice, things might be going a bit better."

* * *

**Flashback**

"-Absolutely nothing." Continued Sallem playfully from the flashback in chapter 16.

"Nothing?" Parroted a befuddled Ryouko.

"That's right." Confirmed Sallem. "You can't expect me to figure out everything for you, can you? I'm just here to help move things along. If I help too much then I won't get any fun out of it, now will I?"

"So you're telling me what to do with my next three dates with him, yet you won't tell me what to do with the final date?" Asked Ryouko. "Seems like a weak effort to me." She goaded.

"You're not getting me with that 'I'm-just-a-lazy-punk' ploy." Said Sallem, easily seeing through her attempts. "I've helped you enough already. You're gonna have to figure out what to do next on your own. You don't want a marriage built entirely on my matchmaking skills, do you? Imagine how offensive that would be."

"You're thinking pretty far ahead." Observed Ryouko.

"Or perhaps you're not thinking far enough ahead." Rebuked Sallem cryptically. "Now enough of this. I've given you enough hints as it is. You won't be getting anything else outta me." He said coldly as he left.

**End Flashback**

**

* * *

**"Right now I'm just playing it by ear." Observed Ryouko sadly as she put on her bra and panties. "He could have at least given me a hint as to how to completely win him over. This weekend at my house was just a last ditch effort to try and get him to think about life with me as a good thing." Ryouko's eyes suddenly shot open. _'So that's your game, is it?'_ She realized slyly. _'You just can't help but help people, regardless of what you say. Not to mention that this is perfect for me. It's just sheer coincidence that I did this without figuring it out, but now that I know...'_ Her thoughts trailed off as she put on her robe and walked out. "Are you ready for bed, Rito?"

"Barely." Rito replied. "I didn't get the chance to bring any of my clothes with me. All I've got is what I woke-up in this morning." He said, referring to the pajamas he hadn't taken the time to change out of this morning. In his defense, Sallem **was** threatening to throw a chair at his head at the time.

"That's just fine." She said as she grabbed his arm. "I've worn clothes a few days in a row before, all it does is make you self-conscious." She said as she began dragging him upstairs.

"Ryouko, what are you doing?" Asked Rito nervously as she went down the hall where he knew her room was.

"I'm taking you to our bed, silly." She replied as if it should be obvious as she opened her door.

"**Our** bed!" Exclaimed Rito fearfully. "B-But Ryouko, I can sleep on the couch, or in your infirmary, or on the floor!" He suggested, desperate for a way out of sleeping with her as she forced him into the bed.

"Don't be silly, Rito." She sighed happily as she disrobed and smothered his face into her breasts. "I'm not going to let my lover sleep anywhere but by my side if I can help it." She said as she made herself comfortable.

Rito, on the other hand, was anything **but** comfortable. True, he was physically comfortable. The bed, blankets, and Ryouko's breasts were all quite soft, and her great muscle mass provided a firm surrounding, after all.** Mentally**, however...

_'This is not good!'_ Voiced Rito mentally, since he couldn't very well do so physically. _'I'm trapped in her... b-b-breasts, and I can't do anything about it! Why is she doing this to me? She keeps saying that she loves me, and this is how she shows it?... Actually, I guess I shouldn't be surprised by this. But why does she...' _He trailed off when he saw that his face was no longer obscured by bosom. _'What is she...?'_

"Rito~." Ryouko sighed sleepily as she nestled her head into the crook of his neck, bosom now pressing up against his stomach instead of his face, arms still wrapped firmly around him.

"Ryouko, what are you..." He trailed off as he realized she was sound asleep. _'She sure nods off fast.' _He found it somewhat strange that this errant thought would cross his mind first. _'But that aside, I still can't get out of her arms.'_ He gave struggling one more try, only for Ryouko to squeeze him even harder. _'Okay, not the best idea!' _He winced._ 'She keeps her incredible grip even in her sleep. Then how am I supposed to get out?... I'm going to be stuck all night aren't I?' _He realized lamely. _'But if I'm going to be stuck here, I'm at least going to **try** and focus on something besides Ryouko.'_ He decided resolutely. _'But what could distract me enough for me to not focus on Ryouko when things are like this?' _Almost instantly a possibility came to mind; a conversation he'd had a few days ago. _'Since I'm stuck here, I may as well think about the other... people that Sallem asked me to think about. If I don't do it before he leaves he'll probably torture me in the most horrible ways imaginable.' _He shuddered at the thought.

_'Let's see... It's obvious he wants to play matchmaker for me, so thinking about Lala and Haruna is pretty much moot at this point.'_ At least that would make things easier for him. _'Yami-chan wants to kill me; no idea why he would want me to think about that.' _He shuddered at the thought, Ryouko squeezed him tighter, letting him know that moving is probably not a good idea._ 'Yui... at this point, she's actually one of the few sane people I know; she's always getting angry or upset about all the weird stuff that goes on in her life, she's like a female me.'_ Rito shuddered again, as the idea of a 'female Rito' brought up some mental images he'd _**REALLY**_ rather be without. Ryouko moved her head up to his shoulders, breath on his skin, and pressing her chest up against his in retaliation. _'And Ryouko,'_ He panicked, unable to distract himself from her any longer. _'She loves me, and she's not afraid to show it in any way possible!' _His mind felt like a roller coaster._ 'She's shameless, smart, perverted, a good cook, flirtatious, really important.' _He stopped suddenly. _'Important? Why would I think about her that way? Yeah, I've really gotten to know her lately, but is that any reason to think she's 'really important'...? It is, isn't it...? I think... I'm... falling for her.' _Rito frantically shook his head to get that thought out. In retaliation, Ryouko did something he **really** wished she hadn't.

She kissed him.

French kissed, to be precise.

Rito didn't know what to do. It was like someone put his brain in a blender and hit mince (frappe sounds kinda cliche, don't ya think?). As he reluctantly felt her tongue map out his mouth, he couldn't move, he couldn't think, he couldn't do anything until she stopped and his brain started up again.

_'I love her.'_ Rito realized just before passing out.

* * *

How do you all like that? Turns out Ryouko is even **more** flirtatious in her sleep, and she doesn't like her prey getting away.

"One more thing!" It happened again. I finished this chapter a few days before I'm putting it out. Maybe I need to rearrange my posting schedule...? Nah! I'll save that for when I get to volume 2, which will be here soon anyway. The next chapter is going to be the last one in this volume. After that I'm going on break for about 3 weeks before starting up again, and then the update schedule might get **even more** erratic since I'll** really** be going to a dry well for ideas at that point. I **might** be able to make it 2 weeks and give it a more stable update schedule if people start giving me suggestions; a show about 2 fat people in love will only get you so far.


	19. Every End is a New Start

Here it is at last! The final chapter of Rito's New Troubles Vol. 1! I hope you've all had as much fun reading it as I've had writing it. I've given the To Love-Ru section a once over, and I must say that I'm quite insulted at the high number of abandoned stories, though given how little traffic this section gets, I can somewhat understand their feelings.

And now! Without further ado! Let's get this party started!

* * *

**Morning - The Next Day**

As morning came, Rito stirred. As he stirred, he stretched. As he stretched, he felt something big and hard and something big and soft. As he felt something big and hard and something big and soft, he opened his eyes. As he opened his eyes, he saw one of his hands on Ryouko's arm and the other on her breast. As he saw one of his hands on her arm and the other on her breast, he fell off the bed.

_'Wh-Wh-Wh-What's going on!'_ Panicked Rito. Suddenly, as a response to his question, the previous day's events flooded back to him. From when Sallem had said _'Rise and shine, Playboystein'_ right up to his final thoughts of the day_ 'I love her'_. He felt his face heat up as he remembered that. He couldn't believe it. All the effort he'd put into not falling for her down the drain. _'I can't believe she just won me over. In her sleep no less!'_ He felt a wave of panic as the very woman he'd just fallen for began to stir.

Ryouko yawned groggily as she woke up and stretched her arms high into the air. The very action of which showcased more of her strong, taught, and barely covered body than Rito was comfortable with.

_'Even when she's just waking up she's flirting!' _He panicked.

When she was done with her stretching, she looked around her, as if searching for something. When she saw Rito, he realized by the pleased and pleasant look on her face it was him she was looking for. "Good morning, love." She said softly as she got out of bed and moved towards him. "How was your sleep?" She asked as she sat down.

Rito, much to his credit, wasn't blushing at all for his personal space being so greatly invaded by this beautiful woman. _'Guess there's not much else she can do to shock me after I realized I have feelings for her.'_ He thought...

Before she proved him wrong by doing morning stretches on the floor.

"What are you doing?" He asked shakily as he scooted backwards.

"Just working out some kinks." She replied as she continued stretching her leg into the air and back down to her other leg while laying on her side. "They come in a lot earlier in life than you'd like to believe."

"I... I see." Said Rito, even though he really wished he hadn't.

"Soooo~," She yawned as she got into a sitting position. "How was your sleep?" She asked playfully.

"It was... good." He replied, trying not to stare at the barely dressed, strong woman he loved less than a foot away from him.

"Really?" Asked Ryouko, a playful glint in her eyes that Rito would have seen had he been looking at her. "By 'good' do you mean 'good' as in you got to sleep easily, or do you mean," She pounced on him. "'Good' as in you wouldn't mind spending a little more time 'asleep'?" She asked, her words dripping with suggestion and seduction.

"Will you please stop that!" Panicked Rito.

"Of course not." Replied Ryouko easily. "If I'm going to win your heart before this date is over, I'm going to have to go all out."

_'If only she knew she already has it.'_ Thought Rito reluctantly.

"So, what would you like for breakfast today, dear?" She asked.

"Just eggs will do." Replied Rito, knowing that any attempts to get her to stop calling him 'dear' were pointless... And, in all honesty, he actually kinda liked the sound of it, not that he would ever admit it.

* * *

**Breakfast - 7:23  
**

"So Rito, what do you wanna do today?" Asked Ryouko. "We have the whoooole day to ourselves, and we can do** anything** you want." She said suggestively.

"I don't want to do anything like that with you." Sighed Rito as he bit into his eggs.

"You don't even know what I have in mind." Rebuked Ryouko playfully.

Rito sighed, unsure of what to do. He knew that he'd have to tell her how he felt before the day was done, but had no idea of how to go about doing it. On the one hand, he could tell he at the end of the day; making sure that she wouldn't try to take it too far before the date was done. On the other hand, he could tell her now; attempting to end all this awkwardness he felt at the moment. As he contemplated his options, he noticed something in the window behind Ryouko...

And nearly choked to death on his eggs.

"Are you alright Rito?" Asked Ryouko, genuinely concerned.

"Yeah, I'm fine." He coughed slightly. "Could you excuse me for a second?" He asked politely.

"Of course." Ryouko replied.

* * *

**Outside - 7:26**

"What are you doing here?" Rito hissed.

"Shouldn't it be obvious by the sign?" Retorted Sallem, who was in his typical, bizarre, mismatched casual clothes, as he pulled up a hologram with the words 'Meet me outside you lovestruck wood louse' written on it.

"That's just an insulting way of getting my attention." Deadpanned Rito.

"Does the word 'lovestruck' not mean the same on this planet as it does on mine?" Asked Sallem rhetorically. "Come to think of it, it's kinda weird that most of the galaxy speaks the same language, don't ya think?" He asked in befuddlement. "I mean, there's no logical reason whatsoever for planets that have had absolutely **no** contact with each other for the first several billion years of their existence to have inhabitants who speak the same language as each other, when this planet alone has at least a few hundred languages to its name. And that's not even counting all the made-up languages in this world. Like Klingon, military codes, gang codes, and those weird made-up words little kids come up with. Hooray for lampshade hanging!" Sallem ranted like Deadpool. "But statistical improbabilities aside, the word 'lovestruck' should be enough of a hint all by itself."

Rito stared at him dumbly for a few seconds, trying to comprehend the pointless rant Sallem had just made. When he finally realized the main point of his words (or at least what he **thought** was the main point, he was never really sure when it came to him) his face turned a vivid shade of red...

Or not, as Rito just sighed and hung his head instead. "How did you find out?" He asked as silently as possible.

"I was spying on you all day yesterday." Sallem replied bluntly.

"You were spying on me?" Asked Rito accusingly.

"What? You're gonna get mad about it now, when things would've been much worse if I hadn't?" Asked Sallem bitterly, prompting Rito to stare at him in a 'What-are-you-talking-about' look. "Momo came here late last night." He said, as if it would explain everything, but Rito just kept staring at him oddly, so Sallem decided to elaborate further. "You know how perverted Momo is, right?" Rito nodded. "And you know she has access to several plants throughout the galaxy, right?" Rito nodded again. "Do you know what the right or wrong plants can do to someone's sex drive?" Rito though about this for a moment, before his face changed to the very nice shade of 'I-**really**-don't-like-where-this-semi-perverted-talk-is-going' red. "That's right. Momo was trying to get you and Ryouko to have **sex**. And if it weren't for my timely intervention, she would've made it happen." He wisely decided to leave out that enough spores got to them to make them both more comfortable with their emotions before he managed (read as decided) to intervene.

Rito gulped nervously, grateful that Sallem had managed to prevent something **very** irreparable from taking place. "Thank you." Was all he could think to say.

"Don't mention it." Replied Sallem with a painful slap to Rito's back. "I've also decided to take measures to prevent something like this from happening again."

"What did you do?" Asked Rito curiously.

Sallem blinked at him dully once, twice, then three times, recalling his 'measures'.

* * *

**Flashback**

"Why are you doing this to meeee~?" Wailed Momo. "I thought we had a deaaaal~!"

"Shut-up worm, you're scaring the fish." Replied Sallem as he adjusted his fishing pole.

"I was just trying to get them together fasteeeeer~!" She moaned. "That way everyone else could ge-ee-eeet~ with Rito fasteeeer~!"

"Your definition of 'everyone else' is too broad." Rebuked Sallem. "My goal is to get Rito with the 5 women he's closest to. While yours is to set him up with nearly every female with he's ever met, including his **sister**, and I suspect you're even considering his **mother**. I can't believe I ever even **thought** that including you in my schemes was a good idea." He said in a tone that clearly showed how disgusted he was with her. "Now get back to being tortured, that vibrating ring locked around your tail still has another two hours of power." He said as he released the fishing line she was tied to into the piranha tank.

Momo's violent thrashing quickly attracted the voracious fishes before Sallem reeled her in at the last second. "Will you stop tha-a-aaaaat~! OH GOD~!" She wailed and sputtered.

"Hold on a sec," Remarked Sallem easily as he threw her into another tank. "If you're gonna have an orgasm do it in the shark tank. Those dogfish need the scent of blood before they go into a feeding frenzy."

Things went on like this for another hour, Sallem happily whistling one merry sea shanty after another all the while. After which, Sallem got bored and threatened Momo that if she ever told anyone what happened, he'd just erase their memories, and make the next round of torture even worse.

**End Flashback**

**

* * *

**"I ratted Momo out to her dad and he handled the punishment." Lied Sallem easily. "And don't worry, I stayed as vague as I could when it came to the circumstances surrounding what had happened."

"Thanks." Sighed Rito, easily falling for the lie. "But how did you find out about..." He searched for the right words. "How I feel for Ryouko?"

Sallem didn't say anything, instead giving him a look of pure contempt and disappointment, as if he saw Rito as the lowest for of life. Or at least, that's what Sallem hoped the moron saw, but he knew much better than to assume that the wood louse was capable of much coherent thought. Otherwise he wouldn't have to be bothered to spend so much time on this planet. But still, Lala was an old friend of his, and as such, he would help her achieve her happiness whenever necessary.

"Oh, right." Realized Rito in embarrassment. "You can tell what someone's thinking just by looking at them."

"Well, well." Remarked Sallem in mild amusement. "It would seem that the wood louse **can** be taught. It just takes more lessons than would be necessary to housebreak a dog." He remarked in his sadist face as he twisted Rito's neck 180 degrees.

"OW! OW! OW! OW!" Panicked Rito as he twisted his neck back to normal. "How did I survive that?" He wondered thankfully.

"You're very used to taking serious punishment." Remarked Sallem. "Your beatings from Yami-chan, the side-effects, explosions, and other mishaps from Lala's inventions, and several other miscellaneous beatings from various other women." He listed sadistically. "I also held back by only turning your head half as far as I truly desired."

Rito gulped nervously. He knew that he should be at least somewhat used to Sallem's harsh words and sporadic sadistic punishments by now, but he had a way of always twisting that knife to make these things hurt more. He also knew better than to rat him out, since he was usually only like this before he'd taken his medication, and was likely capable of much worse if he put his mind to it.

"At any rate," Began Sallem. "Now that you've admitted your feelings for Ryouko to yourself, all that's left to do is convey your feelings to the woman herself." His face suddenly switched from sadistic to demonic. "And if you don't, you can expect repercussions for your stupidity." He said darkly, before walking away chuckling.

"I think it might be best if I got my confession done now." Gulped Rito fearfully.

* * *

**Inside - 7:33**

"Welcome back Rito," Greeted Ryouko as her date walked back inside. "What were you doing?"

Rito froze. He'd been so worried about how to convey his feelings, he'd completely forgotten that he'd walked out in the middle of breakfast. "I... had to think a few things over." He lied quickly.

"And exactly what were you thinking about that made you leave the house?" She asked with a mischievous glint in her eye.

Rito froze again. She had him backed into a corner, and she obviously knew it! Rito panicked for a few seconds, trying to figure out a way to get out of this mess. However, he quickly realized that, short of the truth, which he certainly was **not** going to tell her about, under possible threat of torture, there was only one way out of this bind. "I... was thinking about our... relationship." He admitted, Ryouko suddenly took greater interest. "I... thought about all the... dates we've been on so far." Ryouko leaned in closer. Rito stopped suddenly, worried about his next move. He was concerned that the declaration that he held feelings for not one, not two, but **three** women, would make him... What? A playboy? A polygamist? Why did those words seem so wrong? So insulting? Was it because this was how he felt and it didn't feel right to be judged like this?

That suddenly struck a chord in Rito. This was how he felt, and it wasn't right to judge him because of this. He loved three women, and, quite frankly, he really didn't feel like being bothered by something like normalcy in a situation like this. His life was already far, far, **far** from normal at this point, so what did it matter if something like this happened. Lala and Ryouko have already said they were okay with the idea, and Lala's been convincing Haruna about the idea since Sallem arrived, so the only thing holding him back was his own uncertainty. He was still rather uncomfortable with the idea of polygamy, but with his feelings the way they were, walking down this path was unavoidable.

Taking a deep breath to steel his nerves, he said, as calmly as he could. "I love you Ryouko." Instantly, all his nerves were shot, and he couldn't stop his next words. "B-But I also love Haruna and Lala, so-" Rito suddenly stopped when he heard Ryouko chuckling. "Why are you laughing?" He asked uncomfortably.

Ryouko slowed her chuckling to a halt and quickly gathered herself. "I'm just so happy right now." She explained. "That, and you seem to be forgetting two vital facts." Rito looked confused. "One, I'm perfectly fine with polygamy. I'll probably even like having so many sister-wives around me. And two, my hearing is **very** good." She finished, showing her ears again.

Now Rito looked really confused. "What does your hearing have to do with anything?"

Ryouko chuckled again. "I heard what happened outside."

Rito suddenly paled. "You heard that?" Ryouko nodded. "All of it?" Ryouko nodded again.

"Part of me actually wishes Sallem hadn't stopped Momo in time." Ryouko said with a sultry look in her eyes as she leaned in and pressed herself against Rito. "I would've really liked to have some fun with you."

Rito was shaking nervously. He had not expected Ryouko to hear everything that had happened outside, and he had certainly not expected her to start acting like this, though in hindsight, he probably should have. Suddenly, Ryouko backed off.

"Don't worry so much Rito." She reassured. "Right now I'm just happy to know that you love me. Everything else can wait until later."

Rito just blinked a few times while fighting back his prominent blush. "So... what now?"

"Now?" Parroted Ryouko. "Now we have the whole day to ourselves, so let's enjoy it. Tomorrow, you can confess to Haruna."

"C-Confess to Haruna!" Panicked Rito.

"Don't be so worried Rito," Ryouko calmed him. "You confessed to Lala, you confessed to me, you can confess to Haruna. And you might wanna do it soon, before Sallem starts working on setting you up with someone else." She explained.

Rito blinked dumbly a few times, having a hard time understanding the situation. "What?" He said, voicing all his questions at once.

"Rito, who do you think helped me win you over?" She asked/answered. "He's not the kind of person to wait very long before moving from an old project on to a new one. Namely, getting you with more girls."

Rito quickly understood what she meant by that, and quickly gathered his wits about him. "I'm sorry Ryouko! I've gotta go!" He started to run off, until Ryouko grabbed him by his arm and pressed the back of his head into her enormous bosom, holding onto him and not letting go.

"You're not going anywhere." She scolded playfully. "Confessing to Haruna can wait just one more day. Right now, you're on a weekend date with me, and even though you've already said you love me, I'm still squeezing all I can out of this weekend."

Rito sighed. Ryouko had figured out his plans, and rebuked them almost instantly, at least for the time being. _'Oh well,'_ Thought Rito. _'I guess I'm stuck here until tomorrow. Besides, it would be kinda weird for me to show-up at Haruna's house and confess to her there, especially if her sister is anything like I've heard.'_

_

* * *

_**School - The Next Day**

"Hey, Rito!" Exclaimed Sallem happily. "How was your weekend, buddy?"

"Like you don't know." Replied Rito somewhat bitterly.

"Like I don't know what?" Sallem asked. Playing dumb.

"You played matchmaker for me and Ryouko." Rito accused.

"I only told her to be true to herself." Replied Sallem. Half true, he knew Ryouko well enough to know that everything he suggested was something she was likely to do, regardless of what he said. He just advised her on which course of action would be best. A love built on lies wouldn't last, after all. "And besides, you've gained a beautiful woman for your harem, haven't you? Not to mention that you seem to be more open to the idea."

"Stop reading my mind." Rito muttered halfheartedly, finally understanding that it was pointless to press the matter further. It wasn't as if his expression reading talents could cause him as much harm as his sadistic habits or Lala's inventions. "Anyway, I'm still not sure about this." Sallem gave him an obviously disappointed look. "Don't look at me like that. Most of the galaxy may think polygamy is okay, but this is Earth, where polygamy **isn't** allowed, and I was raised here."

"Rito, let me explain something to you." Began Sallem. "Are you familiar with the concept of alternate universes?" Rito shook his head. "Well the basic idea is that everything in this universe has counterparts in countless other universes. Meaning there are several Earths." Rito suddenly understood the rough idea. "Other planets also have counterparts, but let's just focus on the other Earths for now. Depending on the universe in question, sometimes disasters strike that will decimate an entire planet." Rito visibly tensed. "This Earth doesn't have to worry about such things, given that this universe is much calmer compared to some of the other ones I've been to. Now as I was saying, these universes are usually almost impossible to access from each other, but my technology is astounding enough to go from one to the other almost instantly." Suddenly, the bell sounded. "Uh-oh. Class is starting. We'll have to continue this talk after school." He said as everyone took their seats.

* * *

**After School**

Rito was half curious, half angry, and half afraid of what Sallem had said earlier that day (Sallem knows how to make three halves work). He was curious about how alternate universes were connected to Sallem matchmaking. He was angry that Sallem had been saved by the bell about his explanation, reinforcing the idea that Sallem was essentially totally in charge and in control at all times. And he was afraid because of the idea of the end of the world, even though Sallem had assured him that the odds of such a thing happening to this Earth were low, after Lala's dad had threatened to destroy the planet, he just wanted to be safe.

"HEY RITO!" Shouted Sallem from right behind Rito, making him jump three feet in the air.

"Do you have to do that?" Rito asked, trying to get his pulse back to normal.

"I guess you have a point." Remarked Sallem. "You seem fine with the idea of polygamy, so there's not really much reason for me to train you to love it anymore."

Rito stared at him uncertainly for a few second. "Wait, was all the torture you put me through all part of your weird way of making me okay with polygamy?" He asked accusingly.

"Of course." Responded Sallem easily, causing Rito to fall on his face in shock. "Don't hate me too much for it. It's just that, based on what your friends have said, you seem to respond well to pain and threats. It's actually the best way to get you to see truths about yourself you wouldn't normally based on my understanding." Sallem hummed this information over for a second. "If I had to sum up your personality in one word... it would be... Whipped!" He proclaimed happily.

"That's not a good thing!" Rito exclaimed.

"Or..." Sallem continued, unhindered. "If you'd like me to sum you up in a four word, more polite term... it would be... High-Quality-Husband-Material!" He proclaimed happily.

"High quality what?" Rito asked, almost certain he'd heard wrong.

"Rito, there's a saying," Began Sallem. "'A lonely lion, or a happy bunny.' It basically means that you can be happily married with one or more spouses who will occasionally cause you some stress. Or a total loner with no one by your side. Which would you prefer?"

Much to Sallem's surprise, Rito actually seemed to be taking time to think this over, instead of blurting out the first complaint with the idea that could come to mind.

_'Guess I'm really having an impact on the boy.'_ Thought Sallem happily. _'He certainly needs a good push in the right direction. I'm glad I found him when I did.'_

"What about you?" Asked Rito.

"Oro?" Quirked Sallem.

"You're married to three women, and I've never seen you have any trouble with any of them." Pointed out Rito. "Not even Karasuba, and she** really** scares me." He shuddered.

"That's because you only see their 'public' faces." Uttered Sallem glumly. "Karasuba, I can always deal with easily, but that's only because she has yet to learn how to use the fact that she's a woman as a weapon. Benitsubasa and Haihane, however..." He trailed off for a few seconds. "Well, let's just say that they have me jumping through hoops for them every other day. It's somewhat tiring, but it's what works for us."

"You sound like you've got it rough." Said Rito sympathetically.

"To some extent," Replied Sallem. "But like I said, it's what works for us."

"If you say so..." Replied Rito uncertainly.

"Now, I believe we have a conversation from this morning to continue." Remarked Sallem. "Long story short. I own several planets for the sole purpose of housing refugees from planets in any universe that have suffered from an Apocalypse of some kind, I'm just nice like that, and I have a **huge** division in my company for the purpose of rescuing these people. Seven years ago, I went out to an Earth on my first rescue job, against my company's wishes, and rescued a group of zombie attack survivors. Shortly after, one of the survivors passed out from relief and I had him and his friends brought to my house, one thing led to another, and they ended up staying at my house ever since." Sallem paused to take a much needed breath. "Within the week, almost all of them got involved in polygamy. Due to my friendship with them, their choice in relationship, how I met them, and the fact that they come from an Earth, I've been fascinated by this planet and the idea of polygamy ever since. They're also the reason I keep going to zombie wasteland after zombie wasteland on rescue missions, which, in turn, is the reason why I've had my body modified to the extent that I have."

Rito stared at him nervously for a few seconds, before looking fearfully at the scar where his cheek once was.

"What, this?" Remarked Sallem as he pointed at his scar. "I didn't get this from a zombie, if that's what you're thinking. I wouldn't be here right now if I did." He gently reassured him. "Truth be told, I was actually drunk off my ass when this happened. I'd had about 20 beers that night, and by number 17 it just felt like something I had to do."

Rito took another pause to try and comprehend everything that Sallem had said. "Why do you drink when you know it's bad for you?" He asked worriedly.

"Technically, alcohol is actually **beneficial **to the health of my race." Sallem explained. "It keeps our skin, hair, teeth, and nails strong, clean and healthy. We still get drunk, make no mistake, but we don't get sick because of our alcohol intake like you humans do. It would be more appropriate for me to ask you why **humans** drink."

"But if it makes you drunk enough to injure yourself, is it really worth it?"

"Drunk enough to injure myself?" Thought Sallem aloud. "No. Which is why I've carefully monitored my drinking habits so that I don't get too crazy. But doing something like making a quicksand pit in someone's living room isn't something I'm worried about."

"How is making a quicksand pit in someone's living room **not** something to worry about?" Asked Rito nervously. "And how could you even do it anyway?"

"Well it's very simple, I fill the basement with quicksand and then cut a hole in the floor." Sallem explained. "As to why it's normal... Have you even been paying attention to my actions for the past few weeks?" He asked rhetorically.

Rito was about to reply, when...

"Sallem!" Exclaimed Yui. "Do you know where Run is?"

"Why are you asking me?" Wondered Sallem. "She's probably too busy with her idol career."

Yui shook her head. "She called me to say that she was coming to school today, and that if she didn't show up, to ask you where she went!"

Sallem stared at her dully for a few seconds. "Damn!" He cursed under his breath. "I didn't think she'd call for help."

"Where is she!" Demanded Yui.

"Waist deep in quicksand." Admitted Sallem bluntly. "Now you know what the chainsaw and cake mix were for." He whispered to the camera.

"QUICKSAND!" Exclaimed Yui angrily. "She could die!"

"Not true." Denied Sallem. "It's a proven fact that you can't drown in quicksand. You just get stuck until someone saves you, you get out on your own, or you die of thirst. Now if it were a sinkhole-"

"I don't care!" Interjected Yui. "Where is she!"

"At her house, of course. That's where I put the quicksand."

Yui stormed off in an angry huff to go help Run. "As soon as I rescue her, I'm going to get you expelled!" She shouted at Sallem.

Rito, who'd been cowering behind Sallem the whole time asked. "Aren't you scared?"

"Not at all, for two **very** good reasons." Replied Sallem bluntly. "1) She's not my woman or stronger than me, ergo, she's not intimidating. 2) I've bribed the Principal with alien porn, on the condition that he turn a blind eye to my antics, so there's no trouble there either." Rito looked at him with a mixture of shock, awe, and mild disgust. "Now if you'll excuse me, I have other things I need to do." He walked off.

* * *

**Three Minutes Later**

_'I-It's Haruna!'_ Thought Rito as he saw her reading on a bench just outside of school. After Sallem had left, he'd gone to look for her. He'd resolved yesterday morning to confess to her, try to explain everything, and hope for the best._ 'This is it! I'm going to confess! I'm going to tell her what I've felt for years now... and then I'm going to tell her that I'm torn between her and two other girls, and that if she wants to return my feelings, she'll probably have to share me with them.'_ Rito sighed at how pathetic that sounded, but he was resolved to tell her nonetheless. He walked up to her, first slowly and jittery, but he quickly worked up the nerve to walk normally.

"Haruna." Rito began.

"Rito?" She replied as she turned up from her book.

"H-Haruna. For the longest time now... I... I." Haruna looked at him curiously. "I love you!" He exclaimed while bowing.

_'This is it!'_ Thought Rito. _'I've finally said it! I've finally told her how I feel! But __before I can do anything else, right__ now I have to explain everything else to her.' _He thought as he got up from his bow.

What he saw.

Wasn't what he thought he would.

Where he thought was Haruna.

Was actually...

Yami-chan.

Rito nearly wet his pants.

At first, they were both silent; neither one moving an inch.

After a few seconds...

"Rito Yuuki." Quietly seethed a furiously blushing Yami-chan as her hair turned into blades, fists, and dragon heads.

Rito took that as his cue to run screaming.

* * *

**In the Bush Behind Where Yami-chan was Sitting**

"Did everything go according to plan?" Came Sallem's voice over a phone.

"Of course." Responded the man in the bush. "With my tools, something as simple as distorting words and images is a simple task. However-"

"I know, I know." Replied Sallem. "I've already sent a good lead to your phone. I'm confident it's to your tastes."

The man took a look at his phone screen, and smiled. "Yes, this seems to be quite a delicious one. Where did you find this gem?"

"I have my sources," Responded Sallem bluntly. "And I'm not going to tell you what they are. I need some method of getting your services."

"True, true." Hummed the man in the bush. "Not telling more than you need to is a good habit for someone in your line of work. But I can't help but wonder when the next payment will come."

"It will come the next time I need your help." Replied Sallem. "Is the exchange ready?"

"Of course." Replied the man in the bush. "I'll admit, it was rather hard to get the Principal to agree to it. He's **far** too masochistic, even for my tastes. I had to resort to burning his porn to get him to cooperate."

"I expect nothing less from the man who taught me the wonders of sadism." Said Sallem fondly. "Now keep in mind, if you want your ultimate payment, you'll have to cooperate. Meaning, if I say no, that means no."

"Tch." Scoffed the man in the bush. "I can't believe you're holding that over my head so well. I feel almost... proud."

"That means quite a lot, coming from you." Remarked Sallem. "Remember, we move tomorrow." Sallem hung-up.

The man in the bush just stared at the phone in his hand for a few seconds. "I'd better get going. This is on the other side of the city." He remarked before taking his leave.

* * *

Thank you for reading, everyone! I hope you enjoyed this story, and I hope you'll look forward to the next one! I've answered a few questions about Sallem, while raising a few others as well! Not to worry though! I have plans to answer all questions you may have eventually, so ask them if you must, but until then...

Sayonara!


End file.
